Page 86 of Twisted (Never After)
“I’m sorry,” she repeats.
I lean down and press a soft kiss to the reddened area on her ass cheek. “You’re so sexy when you behave.”
Relaxing my forearm, I expect her to move, but she doesn’t, choosing to stay in her prone position. The moment itself is vulnerable, and I move to wrap my arms around her body, dragging her into me to hold her tight against my chest.
It’s odd, to…cuddlelike this. But what I did was intense, and while I know she enjoyed it, I also know it’s important to make sure she knows she did well.
That she pleased me.
We sit that way for a few minutes, and then I move her to the side, making sure she’s comfortable on the couch. Her arms reach out to bring me back. “Where are you going?”
“Don’t move.” I push her hair back from her face. “I’ll be right back.”
She hums, her eyes glazed, and I head down the hall and to the medicine cabinet, grabbing the arnica cream to make sure she doesn’t bruise.
Walking back over, I see she hasn’t moved from her position, and she twists her head toward me, smiling softly.
I stand in front of her, tapping her thigh. “Up.”
She moves without complaint, and I put her back over my lap, lightly rubbing where I spanked before opening the cream and spreading it on the area.
“When I was three,” I start, “I got a stuffed animal. A hand- me- down teddy bear from some kid who lived around the block and didn’t want it anymore. It was dirty and used and already coming apart at the seams, but it wasmine.”
Yasmin pulls back slightly, her face turning toward me and her eyes growing wide at my admission.
“My father came home that night and saw me with it. I was afraid he’d take it from me, so before he could, I ran to my room and found a hiding place, beneath the slats in my tiny little bed.” My throat swells with the memory and I swallow around the pain. “I didn’t even make it back out before I heard my mother screaming and him yelling at her for treating me like a girl. For raising her sonwrong.”
“Oh my god,” Yasmin whispers.
“He never took it out on me though. It was always her. She didn’t make me enough of a man. She didn’t cook dinner right. Sometimes the way she was breathing just annoyed him, I guess. It wasalwaysher fault.” I grit my teeth, my nose scrunching against the burn growing behind it. “But my mother is a vengeful woman, and she knew who was really to blame.” My eyes go unfocused, and I stare at the wall behind Yasmin, the memories so vivid it’s like I’m there. “That was the first time I remember my mother beating me. Hours after her own pleas quieted and my father had gone back out to the bars, I was lying in my bed, that stupid fucking bear cuddled tight against my chest. And she came raging in, dried blood around her nose, a shiner on her face the size of New York, and my father’s belt wrapped around her fist.” I lift up my shirt from my torso, pointing to a small scar, one of many that are hidden beneath the ink. “She liked to use the metal end. Really get her point across.” I let out a small laugh. “There were tears in her eyes though, and she promised it would only hurt for a little. But that’s the thing about abuse, I guess. The pain always lasts even after the bruises fade.”
A tear escapes from the corner of Yasmin’s eye, and I drop her wrists, reaching out to swipe it away, letting my thumb drag down her perfect face.
“When you’re a kid, you don’t really know any better. The only thing youdoknow is that she’s your mom, and moms are supposed to love you. To be your safe space. Not the other way around. I just wanted the best for her, even after she was the cause of so much pain.”
“Julian…”
I hush her, my fingers never stopping their motion on her skin. “So you see, Iwishshe would die. To free me from this guilt that lives inside me, festering like an infected wound, knowing that if maybe I had just never existed, she wouldn’t have had so much strife.”
Emotion, thick and volatile, floods through me, pouring into my chest and filling up my veins until I can’t think straight. It’s too much. Too strong. And I need to do something to make it go away.
Yasmin spins around on my lap and I let her, her face staring up at me with a new look in her glossy eyes, one I’ve never seen. I’m not sure if I like it there or not.
My fingers follow the trail of wetness on Yasmin’s face until I’m cupping her chin and lifting, dragging her into me.
“If I’m the devil, amore mio, cast stones at the one who made me.”
And then I kiss her.
Chapter30
Yasmin
My heart slams against my rib cage, trying to leap out of my chest and soar into his, and I’m not quite sure why it’s happening or how to stop it. Maybe it’s to soothe what Julian feels like may be broken or to simply comfort the vulnerable little boy locked inside.
Either way, I don’t have much time to process what he said before his lips are on mine, stealing the breath from my lungs like he needs it to survive.
And I’ve been kissed before, but the way Julian devours me— like he can’t stand the thought of staying away for another second, like I’m theonlything he needs and nothing will get in his way— shows me that maybe I’ve never truly been kissed.
