Page 107 of Crossed
A sob breaks free from my throat because I know he’s right. Iamangry, but not at him. I’m angry at the way things are. At how I can’t have the one person who finally makes mefeelso fucking much.
“I just want it to stop,” I beg, my fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt and pulling him closer. “I want to be able to exist without you plaguing every single one of my thoughts. I feel sick, and— and obsessed.Please, Cade.”
He laughs but the sound is hollow. “And what do you know of obsession? You’ve been tormenting my mind since the very first moment I saw you.”
A tear rolls down my cheek and I turn my face away.
He releases my left hip, bringing his hand up to grip my jaw tightly, forcing me to look him in the eye. “Si seulement tu savais quel est mon amour pour toi. You consume me, Amaya. Break apart my faith with the fire of a thousand suns and dominate every nightmare until all I dream is you.”
Another tear escapes and then he’s leaning in, his tongue swiping out andlickingup my cheek, his groan reverberating in my ears.
His twisted sentiment smashes through my wall of defense, and I sink into his embrace.
“You think you’reobsessed, petite pécheresse? You don’t know the meaning of the word.” And then he’s on me.
Both his palms cup my face as his tongue delves between my lips. His taste floods my mouth, and he inhales my moan, not letting me breathe for even a second as he kisses me in a way no one else has. It’s violent, our teeth clashing and nipping, and my fingers fly into his hair, pulling harshly as I climb up his body, trying to get closer, afraid that if I let him go, I’ll never get to feel him again.
Something clatters to the floor as he spins me around and presses me into his desk, his body shoving into mine, one of his hands moving from my jaw into the roots of my hair and tugging me back. Our lips break away as he pulls, my back bowing. He smatters kisses along my neck, sharp pricks of pain stinging my skin from the way he sucks and bites as he blazes a path down my throat with his lips.
“Cade,” I plead, although I’m not sure for what.
Laughter floats in from outside the door, and it shocks us both back into the present, and we fly apart.
Immediately, he straightens, his eyes dark and his mouth red and swollen. I jerk up from his desk, clearing my throat as I try to calm my racing heart. Reaching down, I straighten my clothes and stand up, blowing out a deep breath.
Jesus.
I shake my head. “That was—” “An inevitability,” he finishes.
He towers over me, his hand tilting up my face until I’m craning my neck to meet his eyes.
“That was an inevitability,” he repeats.
“Maybe so,” I admit, shaking my head. “But it can’t happen again.”
“Because you’re Parker’s?” he sneers.
“Because you’re God’s,” I reply, my hand going to his jaw as I rise on my tiptoes and dust a kiss on the corner of his mouth.
And then I hold my head high and walk out the door to take Quinten home.
My name has been cleared, but suddenly, I don’t feel like celebrating.
Chapter42
Cade
MY HEAD IS BOWED AND MY HANDS ARE CLASPED as I kneel in front of my bed.
I pray for absolution. For resolution. For something—anything— that will give me some clarity on what I should do. At face value, I know what’s right, at least what I’ve alwaysthoughtto be right. I’ve walked through my years with one agenda on my mind: being God’s loyal soldier, one who condemned the damned while being condemned myself.
But what I’ve alwaysknownto be right doesn’t feel like it fits anymore. It’s shaved down with jagged edges, and I keep trying to shove it into the same round hole.
Now, the only thing that feels right is her.
I still have my faith, still believe in what I preach and in His word. But for the life of me, I can’t reconcile the pain I feel inside at not being able to have her as long as I serve Him. It doesn’t seem fair.
And I don’t like being angry with God.
