Page 51 of What's a Duke Got to Do With It
Katrina, in the process of adjusting the pillows behind Lady Tesh’s back, flinched. And not because of any venom in her employer’s voice. No, there was a decided lack of anger or frustration—an unusual occurrence, to be sure.
The gentleness in her voice, however, was more potent and devastating than any aggravation could be.
“I assure you, it was nothing at all,” she replied, trying for a cheerful tone and instead fearful that she only managed to make herself sound a bit manic. “I was merely trying to be kind.”
“Is that so?” Lady Tesh murmured, sounding like she did not believe Katrina one bit.
“Mmm hmm.” Katrina stepped back, quickly folding her hands in front of her to prevent the dowager from seeing just how badly they were shaking. “If you don’t need me for anything further, I’ll retire now.”
Lady Tesh pursed her lips, peering closely at Katrina, who was overcome with the sudden urge to run screaming from the room to prevent her employer from ascertaining anything in her expression. Instead she forced herself to remain utterly still, hardly breathing for all she feared she would give away.
Finally after what seemed ages Lady Tesh sighed, her gaze dropping to Freya, who was already snoring softly at her side.
“If that is the way you wish to have things, then I must respect your wishes. You may go.”
Exhaling shakily, Katrina bobbed into a quick curtsy and hurried for the door. But Lady Tesh was not quite through.
“Just know, my dear,” she said to Katrina’s retreating back, “that you don’t have to settle for a loveless union. You deserve all the happiness in the world.”
But did she really? After all the trouble she had caused, after all the heartache that came part and parcel with her, did she deserve to have a happily-ever-after?
And truly, she could never claim that for herself even if she wanted to, considering the one man she had ever loved, the one man shecouldever love, was set to marry another.
Love. That word should surprise her, yet it didn’t. She had been well on the way to that emotion where Sebastian was concerned four years ago. He was so altered, no longer the man from her memories, one would think that any romantic inclinations she’d had for him would have died out.
But they hadn’t. No, the more she had seen of the man he had become, the more she had come to care for him. He was no longer merely a bright and shining personality without a care in the world but a person of true depth, who had been through the fire of grief and hardship and come out the other side a better man for it. He had paid for his father’s sins with interest, was doing everything he could to save his family and the people who relied upon him, had attempted to make her believe that she was worthy of respect.
And she could never be with him.
A grief overwhelming and absolute crashed over her head, a massive wave that stole her very breath and threatened to drown her. Needing to escape, Katrina mumbled something unintelligible and fled Lady Tesh’s room. But once she was out in the dim, quiet hallway, the feeling did not diminish. No, it only grew, as undeniable as the tide. She wrapped her arms about her middle, as if to hold the fractured pieces of herself together in the turbulent storm of her emotions. She had to get to her room. Mouse was there, waiting for her. She would climb beneath the covers with her faithful pet and hug him tight and cry into his fur. And by morning things would not look so dire. Surely in the bright light of day she would be able to swim up toward the surface of despair she was drowning in and find a solution to her current problems. There was hope somewhere. There had to be.
But as she made for the small room that abutted Lady Tesh’s, her slippers silent on the plush runner, she knew she was fooling herself. Mr. Young had been her last hope. There was no one else on Synne who would even consider taking her on as a wife, no one who could repair her shredded reputation and ensure that those she cared for were no longer harmed by their association with her.
A door down the hall suddenly opened, the sound of low male conversation reaching her. And then Sebastian’s valet emerged, closing the door behind him. She watched him, numb, as he made his way down the hall and disappeared from view. And then… silence. And still she stood there, staring at Sebastian’s door.
Sebastian. Anger trailed under her skin, at all she had lost, at all she would never have, made all the more potent for her newly realized feelings for him. It was a cleansing emotion, banishing the hopeless grief, and she relentlessly fed it.
Before she knew what she was doing, she was stalking down the hall, making her unerring way for Sebastian’s room. Without pausing, she grasped the latch and threw the door wide.
Sebastian, standing at the dark window in his trousers and nothing else, did not even turn. “I told you, Harris, I don’t require you any more tonight,” he said, his voice weary.
“It is not Harris,” Katrina said, closing the door behind her.
He spun about, his mouth dropping as he took her in. “Katrina, what in the blazes—?”
But Katrina hardly heard a word he said. Her entire focus snagged on the broad width of his bare chest, and there it stayed. She had imagined him undressed, of course—how could she not, as finely formed and impressive a man as he was?
But in all her daydreams—and nighttime dreams—she had never once guessed that his clothes were hiding something so beautiful. And arousing, if she was being completely honest. Even in her agitated state, she could not deny that the sight of his chest, powerfully corded with muscle, with its fine dusting of dark hair that trailed down to his flat abdomen and into the band of his trousers, all illuminated in the golden glow of the low fire, had her body reacting in the most base and primal way.
But she had not come here to ogle his attributes. She paused. Though, now that she thought of it, she truly didn’t know why she had come here in the first place. All she had known at the time was she had needed to be with him.
While she stared silently at Sebastian, trying to understand what exactly it was she wanted, however, the shock on his face melted away, to be replaced by a regret so potent she was surprised she could not taste it in the air.
“Ah, God, Katrina,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “I am so sorry about what happened this afternoon. I will not make excuses for my part in it. But know I never meant for you to be hurt.”
“I know,” she replied quietly. And she did know. Looking back on that moment, recalling the way Sebastian had stepped back from Mr. Young and lowered his head in a kind of defeat, it was all too obvious he had been attempting to make good on his promise to her. And he had not inserted himself into her conversation with the other man, remaining in the background, trusting her to do what she felt she needed to. Not until Mr. Young had insulted her beyond reason and declared there would never be anything between them did Sebastian come forward to defend her. And a glorious defense it had been.
Sebastian, however, did not seem to hear her.
