Page 42 of To Heist and to Hold
She turned to gaze out the window, hardly seeing the overcast sky, her heart heavy as iron in her chest.She fully believed someone at Dionysus was involved in cheating Julia.She also fully believed that things of this sort were not one-time occurrences, that they were typically a long-standing rot from within, a cankerous sore.
No matter that she told herself that, however, she could not help the ache in her chest when she thought of Ethan’s quiet crying, the way he had gripped her to him as if she were his lifeline.Which, while it had initially touched her deeply, now only brought about a horrible, lowering shame.It was not only someone within Dionysus who was deceiving him; she was as well.
She closed her eyes as pain ripped through her.She could not do this, could not hurt him.No matter that someone at Dionysus was doing heinous things, Ethan did not deserve to pay for it.
You could confide in him.The thought whispered through her mind, stunning her breathless.Could she?It would make things so much easier, after all, if she had his help in locating the jewels.She could be done with this whole debacle in no time.
But in the next moment she violently recoiled from the thought.Her suspicion that he was innocent was just that: a suspicion.She could not endanger the Widows and everything they had worked toward for something so uncertain.Nor could she entrust Julia’s safety and well-being to someone who was so deeply entrenched in Dionysus, the living, breathing beast at the center of it all.No matter how deep her feeling of guilt because she was deceiving him, or how dearly she wished to trust him.
As if Heloise had summoned her simply by thinking of her, there was a knock on her door, and it was being thrown wide, and Julia was there.
Heloise bolted to her feet.“Julia?”
The other woman stood in the doorway, looking paler and more drawn than ever.She clenched her hands in her skirts, giving Heloise a smile that died out before it could even take hold.
“I’m sorry if I’m intruding, but Strachan told me I should show myself up.”
Heloise hurried forward, taking Julia’s hand in hers.As before, it was ice cold.But now it trembled, proof of her worsening mental state.She silently cursed herself, even as shetugged the bellpull for tea.“You’re not intruding at all,” she said, guiding the other woman to the sofa before the hearth.
“I’m sorry to have come unannounced,” Julia fretted.“It’s just that the date for the anniversary ball is approaching, and Lady Ayersley has been making comments about the jewels, and I just don’t know what to do—”
Her voice cracked on a sob, and she pressed her fingers to her lips.Heloise, feeling powerless in a way she hadn’t since Gregory’s death, could only watch helplessly as Julia struggled to bring her emotions in check.
“I’m sorry,” Julia repeated, her voice a mere whisper.
“You have nothing to be sorry about,” Heloise said, guilt wrapping about her neck, a noose that tightened with every breath.“I’m the one who is sorry.While I thought sending you letters via messenger with updates would be enough, I should have realized you needed something more.But can’t you quit that house and that horrid woman?You can live here.We would love to have you.”
But even before the words were out of her mouth, Julia was shaking her head.As Heloise had expected.The suggestion had been made numerous times in the past weeks.But Julia, despite her kind heart, had an equally strong will.The very fact that she was able to support herself, no matter how heinous her employer might be, was worth everything to her.Gregory had instilled that strong sense of self-preservation and pride in her, Heloise knew.And there would be no talking her out of it.
Gregory.Guilt flooded her, as it always did when she thought of her late husband.Though while she usually pushed away the memory of his final moments, she forced herself to relive them now, a kind of penance for her weakening resolve.If only she had not asked him to run that errand for her; if only it had not begun to rain after he had left; ifonly she had insisted he take his umbrella… There were so manyif onlys, but only one truth: He had died because in a moment of weakness she had let down her guard and asked for help.And she would never forgive herself for it.
“I do appreciate it,” Julia said now, sitting a bit straighter, that damnable Marlow pride like an iron rod down her spine.“But I cannot.As soon as the jewels are found I’ll search for a new position.”
She said it with confidence, no doubt in an attempt to let Heloise know that she believed Heloise could accomplish what needed to be done.But there was no hiding the faint taste of fear in it.A fear mirrored in Heloise’s breast as well.And for the first time she truly began to worry that she might, in fact, fail.The thought came to her then, what Julia might face if the jewels were not recovered.It was something that had always been in the back of Heloise’s mind, an evil presence she kept firmly at bay.Now, however, with its breath hot on her neck and its claws digging into her spine, and she could ignore it no longer.
There was a knock at the door, and the maid entered with the tea tray.Thank God.The distraction allowed Heloise to calm herself, the familiar, mindless preparing of the tea and plates of food a balm as she gathered her thoughts.Now was not the time for despair.No, now was the time for focus, and determination, and to make certain that she saw this through to the end.
A vision of Ethan attempted to manifest, as if mocking her, proof of her weakness.She brutally pushed it down to the very depths of her soul and turned her full attention to Julia.She would no longer allow herself to become distracted.She only hoped she could locate the jewels quickly and end this thing with Ethan, before her heart was irrevocably lost to him.And before he found out how deeply she had deceivedhim.
21
Twenty-four hours.It had been a full twenty-four hours since he had seen Heloise.
Actually, it had been over twenty-four hours.Not that he was keeping track.Ethan shifted in his seat, even as he cast a covert glance at the clock on the mantel and quickly calculated exactly how many hours it had been.Something that caused him to huff a small laugh.Very well, mayhap hewaskeeping track.But was it any wonder, considering what had occurred between them?
“Ho, what’s this?”Teagan sat forward, peering at Ethan closely, as if he were a naturalist studying a new and strange species of insect.All the partners, as well as Copper the floor manager, were gathered in the owners’ suite to discuss the upcoming masquerade and the progress on the boxing venue.A meeting that Ethan wished fervently would finish soon, and not only because he should have retired to his bedchamber hours before for some much-needed sleep.Since he had received Heloise’s message last night that she had things to see to and would not be able to return to Dionysus until this evening, he had thrown himself into his work in an attempt to exhaust himself and make the time go by more quickly.
Though he had failed horribly in that, hadn’t he?Not only was he completely awake, but the time waspassing with aching slowness.Even that, however, could not dampen his mood.
“Is Sinclaire here smiling?”Teagan continued, narrowing his eyes.“What peculiar phenomenon are we witness to?”
The smile—one he hadn’t realized he was doing—should have dropped the moment Teagan had begun to tease him.
Yet it didn’t.Strange, that, he mused as he glanced around the circle of men, all of whom gazed back at him with various degrees of confusion and surprise.Any other time he would have glowered and snapped at them.Now, however, he merely shrugged.
“I hardly think it’s anything to comment on,” he murmured, to which Parsons snorted.
“The smile could perhaps be overlooked,” he said, raising a pale brow.“But not your reaction to Teagan.Even I want to punch that smug grin off his face.Yet you’re sitting there unfazed.”
