Page 74 of The Accidental Beauty Queen
This is good. Every eye is glued to what’s happening up there, and I’m just a nobody sitting in the dark. It’s all going to be okay.
Safe now that the lights are out, I crane my neck for a glimpse of the judges’ table. We’re sitting straight across from it, on the far side of the room. I squint and right away I notice that something seems wrong.
Only five people are seated on the panel.
I squint harder, trying my best to determine who’s missing. Then my stomach sinks, because I’m almost sure it’s Gray.
What happened? Where is he?
I press a hand to my breastbone in an effort to calm my pounding heart. There’s only one reason why Gray wouldn’t be sitting alongside the other judges—we’ve been found out.
Someone must have seen us last night at the swan boats. But if that’s the case, Ginny would have been expelled from the competition. I’m pretty sure spending the night with one of the judges is against the rules.
I lean closer to my dad and whisper in his ear. “Have you heard from Ginny lately?”
He answers without tearing his attention from the stage, where the emcee is thanking the long list of pageant sponsors. “I’m sure she’s preoccupied at the moment, sweetheart.”
“So that’s a no, then?”
He shakes his head. “Pay attention. You’ll get a chance to talk to her after the competition.”
Or not. Because if she’s been tossed out on her ear, she’s probably upstairs burning all the books in my TBR pile.
Honestly, the odds of coming out of this week unscathed are diminishing by the second. How have I gotten myself into such a glittering, glamorous mess?
“Before we get started, I have a rather unusual announcement to make.” The emcee’s smile fades as she walks slowly toward the judges’ table.
This is it.
“The Miss American Treasure family is sorry to say that one of our esteemed judges won’t be joining us today...”
Oh God. I can’t breathe. I think I’m going to faint.
“Mr. Gray Beckham has recused himself from the remainder of the competition. But we appreciate all he’s done in support of Miss American Treasure and we’re eager to welcome him back next year. Our involvement with his Miss Starlight pageant is one of the true highlights of our program, and we’re honored to be in partnership with him. Please, everyone, let’s all give Mr. Beckham a round of applause.” She waves a hand toward the front row of the audience.
Gray stands, and the room bursts into applause.
I try my best to clap along, but I’m paralyzed. My body goes cold, and a terrible tremor courses through me.
Gray recused himself. Because of course he did. He’s an honorable person, a gentleman. While I’ve been perfectly content to prance my way through the week, wreaking havoc and making a mockery out of the pageant regulations, he is intent on following the rules.
I admire him for it. I truly do. I just wish I could have been half that courageous.
If I could go back and relive the past few days, would I do things differently? I like to think I would. I want to believe I’d never agree to impersonate my twin to begin with. Or that I would have told Gray the truth during our awkward, three-minute personal interview. At the very least, I wish I’d never lied to my dad and Susan.
But if I’m being honest with myself, I’m not entirely sure I wouldn’t make the same choices. I was bound to tell Ginny the truth about Adam eventually. If I’d done so in the beginning, maybe I could have mitigated the damage and not made her feel as though it was all her fault.
My life was a mess of monotony before I came here. I can admit that now. And I think on some level, I needed to blow it up—to really destroy it and level it to the ground—before I could start over again and move on.
I take a deep breath, and my mind strays to Fire Safety Week at the library. I always bring a firefighter in to talk to the kids, and one of the things he says is that forest fires are dangerous, but like any bad thing, they can ultimately turn out for good.
Fire is nature’s way of regenerating the woods and clearing the way for new growth. Some trees even depend on forest fires to spread their seed. The heat of the blaze causes pinecones to pop and explode, scattering seeds far and wide that have been waiting to germinate for years. As the land is being ravaged, it’s already starting over. It’s being reborn and rising from the ashes even before the flames burn away.
So every time I see a forest ablaze on television or pass a section of charred earth when I’m driving, I remember what it means: the forest is evolving. It’s become stronger. The best is yet to come.
Is that true for me now? Will I walk away from the sky-high stilettos, the eyelash extensions, and the dazzling crown and be a better person?
I hope so. I want that with every last shred of my sorry heart.
