Page 4 of Saltwater Secrets
“Hi,” she said to Thaddeus, putting her keys on the counter.
Thaddeus set his sandwich down. “Hi. How was work?”
“It was okay.”
The kitchen echoed with their silence. It hadn’t been this way until quite recently, maybe six months ago. When they’d first moved in, their laughter had filled the hallways, and they’d kissed in every room. They hadn’t been able to keep their hands off one another. “Love” had felt like too small of a word for what they felt.
The problem was that Aria still loved Thaddeus. Desperately. Thaddeus still loved her too, she knew. But what if love wasn’t enough? Aria had never imagined such a thing.
“How was school?” Aria finally asked him.
“It was okay,” he said.
Aria sat on the stool next to the counter and hung her head.
“Listen, Aria,” Thaddeus said. “I’m sorry about what I said last night.”
“I’m sorry for what I said, too.”
They were quiet again. It was almost as though they’d already said everything they needed to say. Maybe they would keep rehashing their fights until they drove one another insane.
“I got some news today,” Thaddeus said, clearing his throat.
Aria perked up. “Yeah?”
“I don’t know if I told you, but I applied for a work-study program,” Thaddeus explained. “It’s like a kind of paid internship. I got it.”
Aria was off the stool with surprise. Maybe this was exactly what they needed: Thaddeus with more purpose, Thaddeus with a career path, Thaddeus with a mission. Her smile widened. “That’s incredible, Thad!” She threw her arms around him. It took a second for her to realize Thaddeus wasn’t hugging her back.
It was clear she was missing something. She hung back and touched her hair.
“It’s not on the island,” Thaddeus said, his eyes to the ground.
Aria’s heart stopped beating. She couldn’t ask, couldn’t speak.
“It’s in London,” Thaddeus said. “It’s in, um, publishing. An editing gig. I seriously can’t believe I got it. I wrote a few short stories and a cover letter but never imagined I’d make it.”
Aria’s eyes widened. She’d always known Thaddeus was sensationally smart and worth so much more than he thought he was. But London! He’d applied for an internship in London without telling her! It was paid, and it was a path, but it was a path away from her.
Unable to keep herself upright, she sat back down on the stool and bit her tongue to keep from bursting into tears.We were supposed to get married, she didn’t say.We moved into this house so that we could plan a future together. You weren’t supposed to move away. You weren’t supposed to leave the country!
Thaddeus was talking about the internship, about how excited he was to learn how to edit books, about the fact that he’d officially changed his college major to English literature andpublishing. Previously, it had been everything from journalism to biology to statistics.
“I’m happy for you,” Aria croaked, her eyelashes fluttering.
Thaddeus took her hands. “Everything I said last night…” He wet his lips and started again. “I didn’t mean it. I just felt like I was in over my head. I felt so lost.”
Aria felt a tremendous pressure in her chest. She knew, even as he said it, that he wasn’t telling the truth. Last night, he’d been telling the truth, and now, because he was frightened of moving to London, he was clinging to his old belief systems. She could feel it in her bones.
She couldn’t lie to herself any longer.
“I am so happy for you,” Aria repeated. She wasn’t making much sense.
“The internship starts mid-June and goes till mid-October,” Thaddeus said. “It’s only four months. Nothing really. I know you’re so busy with work, so you probably won’t even notice I’m gone. And I mean, maybe you can come visit me in July? And I could come at the end of August? And we can talk every day on the phone.”
Aria closed her eyes and imagined that reality. She imagined being in this house by herself, counting down the days till Thaddeus came home. She imagined him calling her and telling her about his exciting life in London, about what he’d learned at his internship. She imagined the friends he’d make there, the girls she’d worry about at his office. She imagined that he’d pick up little anglicisms, like saying loo instead of bathroom or calling his pants trousers. She imagined saying she loved him every night before she went to sleep.
She imagined that he’d get another gig after his internship and decide never to come back.
