Page 16 of Their Burning Graves
‘Thank you, that’s really sweet of you.’
‘Yeah, don’t go around telling everyone about it though, it doesn’t happen very often.’
Smiling, she walked away. Her uniform was hanging up in the ladies’ loo upstairs where she’d cleared a space on the coat hooks for it earlier, ready for her to change into, and there was no avoiding it any longer. She called the lift and stepped into it, glad to be away from everyone even if only for the briefest of moments. When she arrived on the upstairs landing, Amy walked out of the office in a smart two-piece suit, looking uncomfortable.
‘Hey, you look great.’
She laughed. ‘Liar, but I’ll take it. I haven’t eaten much all week to make sure the bloody buttons fastened. I bet your tunic fits like a dream, have you even changed size since you were measured up for it?’
‘Yeah, living with Ben has seen a definite change in my trousers fastening. I don’t survive off dried cereal any more, he’s a good cook.’
A shadow crossed Amy’s face then was gone in the blink of an eye. ‘You really fell on your feet you know with Ben. He’s a nice guy and he cooks too. Jack can’t cook an egg and thank God he doesn’t even try.’
Morgan wanted to say maybe it was mutual and maybe Ben had fallen on his feet with her, but she couldn’t because there was that doubt deep down inside her that she was like a cursed talisman which emitted some invisible frequency that drew in bad luck. Maybe she should go see her aunt Ettie for some kind of crystal. Morgan wasn’t sure how much she believed in her aunt’s charms, but the teas she mixed up for her had always helped, and it wasn’t like she had anything to lose.
Before she could reply, Amy frowned and said, ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean that how it sounded, did I upset you?’
She shook her head. ‘No, you didn’t and it’s fine. Are you going to be okay? It’s going to be tough being with Des’s mum, has she got any other family to support her?’
‘Aunts, cousins, I’m not looking forward to it but I’m doing it as one last favour for Desmondo because there’s nothing else I can do for him. I need to get going, see you at the crem.’
Amy walked away, and Morgan went into the office where Ben was staring out of the window down onto the car park. His shoulders were hunched and she wondered if he was crying. Despite being in work she crossed the room and wrapped her arms around him. He breathed out a loud sigh and pushed back against her.
‘How are you doing?’
‘Rubbish, you?’ Turning around he looked at her.
‘I feel as if this is all my fault.’
‘Hey, it’s not and you know it. The only person whose fault this is, is behind bars. This is not your burden to bear, Morgan. How did you get on with the CCTV? Amy managed to get the footage from the school grounds, but I’m not holding much luck seeing as how the camera only really covers the perimeter of the school building. But we need to check, we might get something.’
‘Well, I’ll do my best with it. I got the CCTV from Maggie. When are we coming back?’
‘I think we’ll have to come straight back. I don’t even know if there’s a wake, and I can’t really afford to take the time to spend a couple of hours in a pub when there’s Sally’s post-mortem going on this afternoon. This is about as shit as life can get. I never thought I’d say this but I’m kind of fed up dealing with this much death.’
‘I’m with you on that one. You look really good in your tunic though.’
This made Ben let out a loud laugh, breaking the feeling of impending doom that had seconds ago filled the air.
‘You’re too good to me, I look awful.’
She shook her head. ‘You don’t, I guess I should get changed too. As soon as I get back later, I’ll start watching the CCTV footage and hope we catch sight of our guy sneaking around. I could go speak to Sally’s colleagues at the salon too.’
‘That would be great, see if she was having any trouble with anyone, that kind of thing. I’ll speak to Declan and Will, see if they’ve found anything we can work with. Come on, you better get changed so we can get to the crematorium for the guard of honour. Mads will have a duck fit if we’re late.’
Morgan gave him a quick salute, then turned and headed down to the ladies to get changed.
TEN
Morgan sat in the front of Ben’s car holding her breath as he drove down the quiet road that led to the black cast-iron gates of Lancaster and Morecambe Crematorium. Rydall Falls wasn’t big enough to have its own crematorium, so it had to be either Barrow or here and Des’s mum lived closer to Lancaster. There was already a long line of police vehicles parked along the route, officers were milling around with sombre faces, none of them wanting to be here because they all knew that this could be any one of them. Being killed in the line of duty was a scarily real possibility that all officers had to face at some point. The sea of black and white as officers lined up along the private road outside made Morgan’s stomach churn. Ben was a pallbearer, along with Cain, Mads and a few officers whom Des had done his training with that she didn’t recognise. She took her place in the line, while Ben waited at the front with the others for the hearse to arrive.
The sound of cars in the distance travelling slowly along the road brought a hush to every person standing there. Heads bowed they stood tall, white gloved hands behind their backs as the undertaker leading the procession walked into view with the hearse carrying Des’s coffin behind him, and next to him was Father Theo Edwards who smiled at her on his way past, and behind came a solitary funeral car. Des’s mum sat inside, staring out at everyone, Amy next to her. Des’s solid oak coffin went past and a cold shiver wracked Morgan’s entire body, tears pooling in the corners of her eyes. She closed them and whispered,I’m so sorry, Des.Amy’s face was ashen and as her eyes met Morgan’s, she gave her a half smile; Des’s mum was talking to her, but she knew Amy was struggling and she felt dreadful for her.
As the coffin, draped in a Cumbria Constabulary flag, with Des’s old police helmet on top, was carried inside the building, Morgan hung back, and she watched as Amy held Des’s mum’s arm, guiding her in behind the coffin. A few civilians followed her inside and she guessed they were his cousins and aunts. Then the officers filed in behind them, and she still didn’t want to go inside but someone grabbed her elbow and pushed her forwards. She turned to see Cathy, Sam and Tina all wearing their PCSO finest ushering her inside. She was touched by their kindness; they were looking out for her, and she loved them so much for it. Cathy guided her to a bench, where they all crammed in behind the family, and she wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole. Cathy leaned into her and whispered, ‘My arse is killing me; I can’t stand up for an hour. I fell off my niece’s scooter last night and I think I broke something inside my buttock.’
Morgan had to suppress a giggle. Cathy always had a way of making her laugh. She ended up letting out a strangled cough so loud that the whole row in front of her turned around to stare, making her feel even worse than she already did. She spied Ben watching her, the look of pain etched across his face snapping her out of it. Morgan lowered her head, but nudged Cathy in the side all the same. Theo began to talk about Des, and she found herself drawn to his voice, it was so soothing, he certainly had a gift. She found herself watching him, smiling as he delivered an amazing eulogy that did Des proud. His eyes fixed on her, and she felt as if he was talking directly to her when he began to talk about seeking forgiveness. In fact he kept his gaze on her until she began to feel a little uncomfortable, wondering if he was as nervous as she was, and using her because he knew her better than everyone else in the room. The alternative was that he was trying to make her feel even worse than she did. She had to break his gaze first, looking down at the order of service that had been placed on her chair. Morgan didn’t know which was worse: Theo’s intense gaze or Des’s eyes that had once been full of life staring up at her from the photograph on the order of service in her hands. Morgan closed her eyes, lowered her head and tried to think of anything other than what she was doing here, to stop the tears.
When the curtains closed on the coffin she finally looked up, it was over for now. The guilt she carried deep inside her wasn’t going to be pushed away so easily but at least this part was done. Everyone stood up and began filing out to Bette Midler singing ‘Wind Beneath My Wings’. She didn’t imagine this would have been Des’s choice of song, it must have been his mum’s. It had all got too much for Des’s mum, who was being led towards the funeral car by a woman who looked just like her, probably a sister. Amy was outside leaning against the brick wall, looking relieved.
