Page 22 of Lost on Ice
Chapter Nine
ABBIE
When Sophieand I drive home, I take the wheel. I figured that the pregnant girl would need some rest after such an active day yesterday, and I was right. We’re not even thirty minutes into our drive and she’s already fast asleep, her head resting against the car’s window.
Yeah, I remember the exhaustion of pregnancy. When I was carrying Lilah, all I wanted to do most days was sleep. It just felt like my body was working so hard all the time, and all I could do to try and keep up was rest.
Personally, though, her sleeping on this ride gives me a chance to think about things I am so not ready to talk about aloud. My heart aches, my body aches — in totally different ways — and I’m yearning to get back home where everything makes sense.
I can’t wait to wrap my arms around my little girl. It’s only been a single night, but I miss Lilah. I can’t wait to get back to her and put the events of Connecticut behind me.
I slept with Jake. How the hell could I have let that happen? He was the one who cut things off in the first place, but I’ve got so much more to lose now if something like this were to blow up in my face. Jake doesn’t do relationships—he always made that very clear—and I’m not going to force him into some obligation he never asked for or wanted.
Gripping the steering wheel harder, I huff out a breath and try to shake it off.
If I look at this from a different angle, maybe it’s good that it happened. It was a one-time thing. A single mistake, an itch that needed to be scratched, and it doesn’t matter in any deeper emotional way. It’s not like I’m going to see him all the time anyway. He doesn’t live in Ivy Glen anymore and his pro schedule keeps him slammed in season. If he ever does come to town to visit, it’ll be easy enough to avoid him.
That thought helps calm the worst of my nerves, so I cling to it like a lifeline.
By the time we arrive at Dad and Vivianne’s house, I’m feeling much more at ease. Things will get back to normal now. Last night was just a blip, that’s all. The fact that Jake didn’t even want to talk to me in the morning makes that clear.
I reach over and place my hand on Sophie’s shoulder, gently shaking her to wake her up.
“Hey,” I murmur. “We’re here. Time to get the kiddos.”
She blinks her eyes open and looks over at me with a small, sleepy frown.
“Huh? Oh! Already? Geez, I’m sorry, Abbie. I didn’t mean to sleep the whole way.”
I grin. “No need to apologize. You’ve got a little person growing inside you. That’s a lot of work.”
Chuckling, she nods. “Yeah, I suppose that’s true.” She looks sad for a moment. “You know…”
I know what she’s about to say, so I beat her to it. “Listen, Sophie, I really am sorry I didn’t tell you when I was pregnant.”
“I would’ve been there for you the whole time,” she whispers. “I get it, you know? But I wish?—”
I hug her. “I’m sorry.”
Past mistakes aside, I feel so happy these broken pieces have mended so easily—at least with her. After a moment, we get out of the car and make our way up to the front door. It flies open before we reach it and Lilah comes rushing out in her little snow boots and coat with a big smile on her face.
“Mommy!” she exclaims.
Laughing, I kneel and open my arms for her. She barrels into them and clings to me. I hug her tight, fully relaxing for the first time since I left her.
Running my hands through her soft curls, I pull back from our hug to gaze down at her. She looks so much like Jake, it’s sometimes startling. She has his dark blue eyes and his particular shade of dirty blonde hair. More than that, she has his smile, and her eyes crinkle at the corners when she laughs, just like his always did.
If he ever saw Lilah, it would be impossible to deny that she’s his, but is that what I should keep doing? I’ve kept Lilah a secret from him because I knew he never wanted anything serious or considered me worthy of a long-term commitment. I can’t imagine he’d be thrilled to learn we share a child, which is about the epitome of commitment and responsibility.
Is that being fair to Lilah, though? Doesn’t she deserve to know her father?
“Mommy?” Lilah tilts her head and stares at me with a frown. “Are you sad?”
I blink and realize I’ve just been gazing at her without a word for several long moments.
“Oh!” I slap a smile on my face and shake my head. “I’m not sad, sweetie. Just thinking.”
She grins again. “Okay. If you’re sad, I’ll kiss it better.”
