Page 44 of Lost on Ice
“I have practice later today,” I tell her. “But if you’re still worried, I can skip…”
“I’ll be fine,” she assures me with a sigh. “Really, you don’t have to upend your entire life.” She hesitates a moment. “It’ll…it’ll really be nighttime when I’m the most uneasy, so as long as you’re here then, it’ll be okay.”
The small admission that she wants some kind of help makes me smile softly. “I’ll be here. Don’t worry.”
I toss my duffel bag over my shoulder and grab my keys off the counter. I’m halfway to the door when Abbie walks out of the hall. She’s been in Lilah’s room, putting her down for her morning nap. When she spots me, she arches her brow.
“You’re heading out?”
“Yeah,” I say, pulling the door open. “Practice.”
“Break a leg.”
Can she ever give me a break? But there’s a little hint of a smile on her face again, and that makes me smile, as well. “Thanks. I’ll be back before dark, don’t worry.”
A flash of relief crosses her face, but she quickly looks away. “See you later.”
I leave before I can do something stupid like sayI’ll be back for dinner.
Getting in my car, I start the engine and drive out of the apartment building’s parking lot. Ten minutes down the road, the silence presses in on me. My thoughts are racing.
I hate leaving Abbie like this. It feels like I’m leaving her vulnerable and open to danger, and not just her - I’m leaving Lilah potentially at risk too.
Lilah.
I think about when I arrived at the apartment last night and Lilah nearly jumped into my arms, as if she trusted me without question. Then I held her until she fell asleep, so sweet and innocent, feeling safe enough with me to cuddle against my chest and relax.
This morning, when she wanted honey on her pancakes instead of syrup, just like me…
If shewasmine, wouldn’t Abbie have told me?
What if she isn’t mine?
That thought somehow hits me harder than the possibility that she could be my daughter.
What if she’s someone else’s kid? The thought just burns hotter in my chest, making my grip on the steering wheel tighten. I know I should let it go, but I’m already tangled up in the way Lilah trusts me to keep her safe. The way Abbie tries to pretend that she’s not sneaking glances at me. The way their place smells like vanilla and bubble bath.
It all feels so right, and that freaks me out.
I was raised in a house where love was conditional. Family hasn’t been the safe haven for me that it is for most everyone else, and I’ve been convinced it’s not something I want or need for myself.
So why the hell can’t I stop thinking about what it would mean if Lilahismine?
I should blame this all on Abbie. That kiss in the parking lot cracked something open that should’ve stayed shut. I tell myself I’m not staying with them forever.
This is all just temporary. I’m just crashing with her and Lilah and protecting them until the cops find her stalker.
Abbie needs someone permanent. Someone stable. Someone who doesn’t flinch at the idea of being a dad. Someone like?—
Doctor fucking Westbrook.
My jaw tightens and the bitterness swirls inside me. The guy’s like a generic-looking love interest out of a Hallmark movie. I bet he volunteers at children’s hospitals and makes soufflés on the weekend. I bet he wouldn’t even blink at raising a kid that isn’t his.
He probably knows how to braid hair,I think grimly, and it hits me how completely, irrationally pissed off I am at a guy I barely know.
The image of Abbie with him—smiling, relaxed,his—makes something snap in my chest.
I glance down and realize I’m speeding and going eighty-five on the freeway.
