Page 5 of Lost on Ice
My arms tighten around his waist. “Thanks, Dad. We move into our new place on Monday, but I’m sure that Lilah will love using her new room until then.”
“Good.” He pulls back and looks at me. “All I want is for you to be safe and happy, Abbie. Whatever I can do to help that happen, I expect you to let me know.”
“I will.” I give a watery smile right as small little footsteps climb up the stairs.
“I held her off as long as I could.” Viv grins. “But she was insistent on seeing Mommy and Papa.”
“Do you want to see your room while you stay here, lovebug?” Dad asks, and Lilah nods as she approaches the door.
She gasps and shrieks, “Mommy! Princesses!”
“I think she likes it,” Viv chuckles. “Maybe my next book will bePrincess Lilah’s New Journey.” The words make my heart clench, and I can just see it now, a little illustration of my baby girl on the cover of one of Viv’s children’s books. God, it would be so crazy to walk into a bookstore and see her little face on the cover of a children's book.
“That just sounds perfect,” Dad says, putting an arm around her shoulder and kissing her cheek.
I love seeing them together like this, so domestic, sohappy. They both deserve it after everything they’ve been through. Now, I don’t have to worry about Dad being lonely anymore. Viv’s made him glow with joy in a way I’ve never seen.
A few hours later, Lilah has calmed down from the excitement of her princess room, and I’ve tucked her into bed.
Dad and Viv offered to let me sleep on Chase’s twin bed next to Lilah’s room, but I opted for the couch downstairs. Frankly, I think the temporary nature of sleeping on a couch appeals to me right now. It keeps me just that little bit on alert. Makes it so I can’t get too comfortable.
The bookshelves are illuminated by a single candle on the coffee table. I stare at the flickering light on the otherwise dark ceiling, not quite willing to fall asleep. While the stalker is never too far from my mind, it’s really the thought of facing Sophie that is keeping me up. My best friend. I hate that I chose not to share this part of my life with her. That we couldn’t compare pregnancy notes or decorate a nursery together. That I kept myself from experiencing everything with Sophie. I can’t imagine how much this is going to hurt her when she finds out.
If Lilah’s father had been some random hookup and not her husband’s best friend, I could have told her all about it. She could have thrown a baby shower for me like I did for her, and we could have taken walks when I got near my due date to induce labor. Since the fatherisCarter’s best friend, it became impossible to tell her about the pregnancy at all, given that she knew exactly who I was hooking up with. She would have felt guilty keeping the secret from Carter, and then once Carter found out, he would have run to Jake to get him to do the “right thing.”
Ever since we all met back in grade school, Jake has been this really cool, laid back guy. I had a crush on him for as long as Icould remember. But it wasn’t even until after Carter came back to Ivy Glen that I saw Jake again and he started seeing me as anything other than a platonic friend.
The thing is, I never wanted Jake to be with me out of guilt or obligation. I knew going into our… whatever we were, that Jake doesn’tdorelationships. The last thing I wanted to be was some kind of ball and chain he resents.
I refuse to be the pathetic girl whose man is only with her because she got knocked up.
Who even gets knocked up anymore? I was on the pill, for goodness' sake. We used condoms. But somehow I managed to fuck that up. It feels like these years have been full of nothing but fuck ups, especially when it comes to my friendship with Sophie.
Fuck up number one, I ran to Pennsylvania. Fuck up number two, I dug my heels in and refused to tell my best friend about my pregnancy. Fuck up number three, I’ve continued, for two and half years, to lie and hide the existence of the little human that’s the single most important person in my life. I’ve made mistakes, absolutely, and there are things I wish I had done differently, but I can’t regret my choices too much because I’ve become a better mom and person in general as a result.
So when I see Sophie tomorrow, after I beg for her forgiveness for being such a shitty friend, I’ll have to hope she understands. And maybe…if she really does forgive me, she’ll let me keep my secret a little longer before Jake inevitably finds out. Hell if I know what my actual plan is, but maybe finally being able to talk to my best friend will help me figure it out.
Chapter Three
ABBIE
“Mommy? Where we go?”Lilah’s little voice asks from her car seat as I pull up to the curb at Sophie’s house. When I texted Sophie this morning to let her know I was back in town and wanted to visit, she was so excited it made me feel even worse for being such a crappy friend. Luckily, Carter is out of town for something, so I don’t have to worry about him telling Jake anything for now.
“This is mommy’s best friend's house,” I tell her, ignoring the pounding in my chest before undoing my seatbelt and getting out of the car. “She has a little boy that will be a good friend for you.”
If she forgives me for lying to her the last three years.
“Friend?” Her face lights up as I open up the door to the back seat and start unbuckling her. Chase is about three and a half now, which is a little over a year older than Lilah, but I don’t think they’ll have any problem playing together.
“Yes, his name is Chase.” Grabbing her out of the seat and propping her on my hip, I press a kiss to her cheek. My heart ispounding.What if this goes badly? How will I explain THAT to Lilah?I keep pressing on. “And his mommy’s name is Sophie.”
“Chase and Fofee.” She nods seriously, and I laugh as I set her down and hold her gloved hand.Please let this go well.
“Yes, good job, baby girl.” My voice is shaking. “Are you ready to go meet them?”
“Let's go!” she shouts, her breath puffing in the cold air, jumping up and down and eagerly leading me to the house with a tight grip on my hand.
I guess it’s time to get this over with.
