Page 6 of Lost on Ice
Huffing as I let Lilah drag me up the steps of the front porch, I brace myself for a shitstorm. Anger, for sure. Maybe some crying.
Lilah steps on her very tippy toes to press the doorbell, and my heart pounds in my chest, wondering what the hell I was thinking, telling her like this. A phone call would have been better. An “accidental” text.“Oops, that was meant for my dad, sorry!”But at the same time, I wanted her to meet Lilah as a person, not a secret being hidden from her. I can only hope I’m making the right call, because there are no do-overs.
All thoughts regarding would’ve, could’ve, and should’ve flee my mind as the door opens, and I’m met with a very happy, very pregnant Sophie.
Her eyes light up as she takes me in, a smile breaking out on her face. Her auburn hair is cut just above her shoulders, shorter than I’ve ever seen it, but it suits her. Her black leggings highlight the still-toned muscle of her legs, but the protruding baby bump under her oversized sweater tells me the only running she’s doing is after her son.
“Abbie, you know you don’t have to ring the?—”
“Hi! I Lilah!” her little voice rings out, and Sophie’s attention snaps to the short figure at my side. Her eyes grow wide withshock, and her mouth gapes open slightly as she tries to take it in.
Shit. I broke Sophie.
“Mommy?” Chase’s head pops into the doorway. “Who’s that?” His honey-brown eyes match his mom’s perfectly, and his hair makes me wonder if I’m looking at a literal miniature version of Carter. Black and cut just like his dad’s—longer on top and shorter on the sides.
Sophie, looking back and forth between Lilah and me, is at a loss for words. It would almost be comical if my lifelong friendship with her wasn’t on the line. “I… I’m not sure, bud,” she finally says.
“This is Lilah, my daughter.”
Chase looks at Lilah and holds out his hand. “I’m Chase. You wanna see my toys?”
Lilah releases my hand, grabbing Chase’s and letting him lead her inside. Leaving me standing on the porch, looking at the shocked face of my best friend.
“You… have a daughter?” Her voice is a broken whisper, tears filling her eyes as she looks at me.
Tears sting my eyes. I can’t look at her. I stare downward. “I… yes, I… I tried…”
“And you’ve been alone? This whole time?” Shock is giving way to something that isn’t quite anger, but isn’t happiness either. “Abbie, why wouldn’t you tell me? I could have been there for you, supported you like you supported me. Who’s the dad—” Her sentence cuts off, her eyes growing wide once again, and really I shouldn’t be surprised that she put it together in less than a minute. “How old is she? Two and a half?”
Swallowing roughly, I nod. “Yeah, and it’s…I…”
“Oh.” I see her brain clicking the facts together. “Okay, okay.” Her expression softens. “Come inside. Let’s talk.”
“Yes, please.”
I follow her in and we settle on the couch in the living room. I eye the playroom, where it looks like Chase and Lilah are already busy building things together out of giant cardboard blocks.
I stare at Sophie. She stares at me. Before she can say anything, I have to apologize. I have to get everything out and hope she understands. She deserves me laying it all in front of her instead of her having to poke and prod for information.
“I’m sorry.” The words spill out of me in a tidal wave of teary emotion. “I’m sorry for being a shitty friend and for pulling away. I couldn’t tell you. I knew that if I did, I’d be asking you to keep it from Carter because he would undoubtedly feel the need to make Jake ‘do the right thing,’ and I can’t have someone be with me out of obligation, I just can’t, I can’t…” I take a deep breath. I’m talking too fast. “Plus, it was my own mistake for giving into him again even though I knew he didn’t want more with me, so I needed to take responsibility for myself and my actions, and that’s why I left, but I’m sorry, I’m so, so, so sorry?—”
“Stop it.” She grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. “Take a breath.”
I do so. She’s smiling now. My heart is still pounding, but her smile calms me in a way that I haven’t felt calmed in years.
“Okay.
“Okay.” She squeezes again. “Look, I understand why you wouldn’t tell anyone about Lilah. I don’t agree with the choice, but I get it. You’ve always been so self-reliant and independent, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, but I’m glad I know now.”
My heart is racing and my guilt doubles in the face of her easy acceptance and understanding, because what I’m going to say next is pretty shitty. I listen to the kids playing for a moment. This time, I speak more slowly. “Now that you know though… I’m going to have to be a shitty friend again and ask that you don’t tell Carter that Jake is the father. Please. I’m not askingyou to keep it to yourself forever, but… I just need time to figure it out.”
Tears well in her eyes as she looks at me, and the next thing I know, her arms are wrapped around me, holding me close. My own vision goes blurry as I realize that I’m crying too, and I clutch her back, careful not to squish her baby bump.
“I’ll buy you some time,” she whispers, still hugging me tightly. “You can’t keep it a secret forever, you know. Jake deserves to know he has a daughter. But I won’t push the issue just yet.”
“Thank you.” I sniffle, pulling back slightly. “First I need to get used to being back in town.”
Her expression turns hopeful but cautious. “Are you like,back,back? Or just visiting for a while?”
