Page 98 of Lost on Ice
I lay there, gently stroking my fingers along her shoulders as I think about how having a new baby will change things for Sophie and Carter.
A lot has changed for Abbie and me the past few months as well. My shoulder injury put me out for the rest of the season, but I honestly don’t mind because I’ve gotten to spend quality time with my girls.
Gazing down at Abbie, I can’t believe how lucky I am to have her. She hasn’t asked me to give up my career or to compromise on my goals. In fact, she’s been super supportive of me keeping my condo in Boston, saying we can go back and forth for my games next season.
Ivy Glen will be our home. We’re already looking for a bigger place that we can call our own.
A place where we can build our family… one that loves and accepts me wholly and completely.
If it weren’t for Abbie, I wouldn’t have had the courage to stand up to my mom and stepdad. I’ve been able to put my foot down with how they treat me, and I’ve accepted that our relationship will never be great, but I don’t have to put up with them trying to push me around.
I never imagined I’d be where I am now. Lying in bed with the woman I love, our daughter asleep down the hall, the pressures from my mom and stepdad lifted from my mind.
While I was recovering, my mom came to visit me one time. Just one. Kevin never bothered to show up at all. When Abbie found this out, she’d been so enraged she’d threatened to hobble over to their house, injured leg and all, and rip them all new assholes. Seeing her so worked up and angry on my behalf had made me so happy, I hadn’t known how to respond other than to wrap my good arm around her and kiss the hell out of her.That, plus the care and attention not only she gave me, but her dad, Vivianne, Lilah, and all my friends showed me during my recovery, helped me really see that I was so much better off surrounding myself with people who actually gave a shit about me.
It was a lot easier to tell Mom and Kevin I was done with their bullshit after that.
On the other hand, I’ve actually started improving things with my siblings. The older ones all checked in with me after hearing about what happened and we’ve had some good talks. Turns out, they weren’t nearly as against me as I thought, but didn’t know how to breach the gap between us, either.
It’s all thanks to her. To Abbie. She’s given me a life I never thought I wanted, but now I can’t imagine being anywhere else or with anyone else. She’s helped me with physical therapy, and cheered me up when I’ve been down about not being able to play the rest of the season. I’ve done the same for her, assisting at the clinic and wheeling her around in a rolling chair whenever her leg started bothering her. I also assisted in the new round of doctor interviews, helping find the perfect replacement. Dr. Hillberg is a woman in her mid-40s with a family of her own and a daughter that’s actually Jordan’s age. I bet she’s a hell of a lot better at medical stuff than the asshole stalker doctor ever was, too.
We’ve been there for each other every step of the way as we recover physically, emotionally, and mentally, and I don’t how I got so lucky as to have a woman like her by my side.
My thoughts are interrupted when the bedroom door slowly creaks open, letting in the glow from the nightlight in the hallway. I carefully sit up, doing my best not to wake Abbie, and see that Lilah is standing in the open doorway. She’s rubbing her eyes, adorable in her Bluey footie pajamas.
“Hey, baby girl,” I whisper, climbing out of bed to go to her. “What are you doing up?”
“Chase here?” she murmurs.
I grin. It hasn’t escaped my notice that Lilah is kind of obsessed with Chase.
And vice versa.
“Yeah, he is.” I pick her up and she rests her head on my shoulder. “Come on. Let’s go rock-a-bye.”
“Okay, Daddy.”
God, I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing her call me that.
I carry her back to her room and settle in the white rocking chair in the corner. As I begin to rock her back to sleep, I remember the first time she called me Daddy. It was shortly after Abbie and I got out of the hospital. We’d sat her down to tell her together.
“Sweetheart,”Abbie had begun.“Do you remember I told you that your daddy couldn’t be with us because he lived too far away?”
Lilah had nodded.“Uh-huh.”
Abbie had given me a hesitant grin before saying,“Well, the truth is that Jake is your daddy, and he’s going to live with us from now on. How does that sound?”
I’d been worried about Lilah’s response, but she’d gotten a big smile on her face and asked,“Yake is Daddy?”
Tears had immediately stung my eyes.“That’s right. I’m your daddy.”
With a squeal of delight, she’d thrown herself into my arms, shrieking,“Daddy!”
It hadn’t scared me, being called daddy, the way I’d always thought it would. Honestly, I can’t get enough of it. I’m so happy to be Lilah’s father. To be part of her life now.
I wonder what it would be like to have a kid call me that from the start. Abbie talking about how cute Lilah was as a newborn kind of has me thinking it’d be nice to experience that for myself. There is something inside me that’s sad I missed the first years of her life and wasn’t there for all those initial milestones - first words, first steps, etc. I don’t hold it against Abbie, though. She did what she thought was best at the time, and I can’t fault her for her choices. Not when she’s raised such an incredible kid. I’m determined not to waste the time I have with Lilah now, though, and whether I get to experience those things I missed with a future kid or not, I’m soaking in every moment I get with my little girl.
When it seems as though Lilah is asleep, I stand to put her back in her bed, but before I set her down, she mumbles, “Want Chase.”
