Page 27 of Meet You Half Way
“Yes! I so called it,” he declared. “Nick didn’t believe me but I so knew.”
“Nick knew?” I asked, instantly deflating.
“Well, not in so many words. I just commented that I thought you’d met up with Jamie for a bit of fun time.”
“And what did Nick say about that?” I asked. Of course I asked. I had to ask even though I didn’t want to know.
Rob sighed, the sound heavy in the quiet room. “Mateo. You gotta let Nick go. This is unhealthy, you know that, right? Nick loves Ajay. That is not going to change any time soon. And Jamie, well, he’s a really great guy and I so want that for you. I really, really do. I hate watching you mope over Nick. I’ve watched you mope over Nick for half our lives and I really, really wish you could let him go.”
“I wish I could let him go too, Rob,” I sighed. “I just don’t know how.”
Rob was quiet for a moment until he unmuted the TV, the sounds ofFarmer Wants a Wifefilling the space as all those women lined up for a chance at snagging a farmer. If only it was that easy, finding love, getting married. Moving on. Moving forward.
“If you can’t do it then maybe Jamie can do it for you. Don’t discount him, yeah? Don’t let your feelings for Nick get in the way of something you could build with Jamie. Or another guy if you and him don’t work out.”
“It’s really not that simple,” I said eventually, knowing there was more to that statement than either of us could unpack in an evening.
“I know, Mateo. I know.”
Rob left it at that but he’d given me something to think about, something other than the repetitive loop that played in my head about Nick. Nick and me together, the happy times, how good we were. And then the end of us, the why’s and the how’s and the sense of loss I felt that still had nowhere to go. Still had no other outlet than these unhealthy obsessions and spiralling thoughts that plagued me night after night.
Although if I had to think about it for the moment, Rob was right about something else too. I hadn’t been thinking about Nick when I met up with Jamie today. I hadn’t been thinking about Nick when I got into Jamie’s car or when I kissed him or when I let him take me to his apartment. I hadn’t thought about Nick once while I was in Jamie’s bed, his body on top of me, pinning me in place.
Maybe Rob had a point. I just didn’t quite know how to grasp onto it yet.
I arrived at the office bright and early on Monday morning. Well, I arrived early at least. I couldn’t exactly lay claim to the ‘bright’ aspect of that statement. Not since I’d overheard Nick in the kitchen this morning, excited about his weekend spent in Sydney with Ajay. Rob had jokingly asked if they’d even made it out of Ajay’s bedroom in the two days he was there and Nick had laughed along but hadn’t denied it.
I waited in the bathroom until they’d left for work and then I’d slinked into the kitchen and made myself a coffee with a dark cloud hanging over my head. Must have been so nice for Nick and Ajay to spend a weekend together like that. Not thinking of me once. Not sparing a thought for my heartache or the fact I’d stewed at home the entire weekend. Not pining for anyone.
Jamie hadn’t called or texted either. Not that I had expected him to. He’d only contacted me the one time to arrange that coffee meet up. But that didn’t really explain why I’d kept checking my phone for messages ever since.
I mean, he was the romantic one. Or so he claimed. Wasn’t it customary to text the person you’d taken out on a date after it had taken place? Or was that just how straight relationships worked? Honestly, I had no way of knowing. Maybe I’d ask Rob when I got home from work today although it wasn’t as though he was all that experienced with dating either. Chasing after Kat since high school did not exactly count.
Maybe Jamie had just woken up to himself and realised I was too much hard work. That I wasn’t worth the effort especially as I had expressed no interest in having a relationship with him. And I still didn’t want a relationship with him. Did I?
My head was its usual mix of dark and angsty thoughts which probably explained why I almost walked straight past the dark figure sitting at his usual place in the office. Right where he wasn’t supposed to be.
“Morning, Mateo.”
“Shit, Dante! What on earth are you doing here?”
“I do believe this is my firm,” he chuckled. “Unless you’ve taken it over in the last few weeks which I wouldn’t blame you for.”
“Of course I haven’t taken over,” I huffed. “But are you okay to be here? Did the doctor give you the all-clear?”
“Well, it depends which doctor you ask,” Dante admitted, squirming in his seat.
“The only one whose opinion matters,” I returned, staring down my nose at him.
“The mental health doctor thought it was important that I get back to my usual routine,” he sniffed, nose in the air.
“Do you even have a mental health doctor?”
“Well, not exactly.”
“And the heart doctor?”
Dante just harrumphed and I tried not to laugh. “So shall I expect to see Aunt Giulia here any minute to cart you off back to bed?”
