Page 8 of Sawyer
“Well, read through those so we can get all the business paperwork sorted.In the meantime, you continue building the stock, and I’ll put feelers out for new distribution channels.”
It sounds like a simple thing, but my body feels prickly all over.Is it anxiety, fear, excitement, or a mixture of all three?
“Are you sure you don’t want us to hire someone to come out to help you on the farm?I mean, we don’t have much money, but we have a little.”She knows I’m working myself to the bone.But having someone on my farm, interfering with my crops, isn’t something I want.
“No.I can do it.”It’ll be hard work, but if we can increase our sales, then that means more money in my pocket.And as we continue to talk through our plans, the smile on my face grows, thinking about what could be possible for a small-town girl like me.
It’s quiet.I love the peace of the land.The clean country air and the serenity that blankets me whenever I walk through these fields.
“Ma, Noah and I have finished feeding the chickens.”My two boys walk up to me where I’m on hands and knees in the dirt, planting more rosebushes.I cultivated these cuttings from the roses I’ve already planted, knowing the soil and the positioning is just right for this variety.I love this rose because it sports a brilliant red, a double bloom that keeps blooming all summer long.I’m able to get a lot of petals from it for our rose soap collection.It’s resilient, hence why it’s called the Super Hero Rose.And resilience is what everyone needs.Especially out here.I take a deep breath and let the scent calm me, appreciating the flowers around me.The roses and lavender need less ongoing maintenance than cows and animals do, making this farm something I can build into being somewhat more self-sufficient.
“Thanks, boys.Kevin, can you help me dig these last few holes?”
Kevin moves right away to grab the shovel and starts digging more holes next to me, the two of us working in peace while Noah plays nearby in some dirt.
Being together like this brings me joy.We’re close, my boys and I, but I feel sad that they don’t have a father figure or a male role model.Trying to be both parents at times is tough, but I’m doing my best.The expansion of the soap business will help.Although initially it’ll be a lot of work, I can see that over time, it’ll be the jackpot I need to pull us out of this life we’re in and maybe, just maybe, allow me to start saving for college so I can give my boys that opportunity when they’re old enough.
At the thought of Gertie's Soaps, I think of Sawyer.The snazzy city lawyer who left here with shit on his suit and smoke coming from his ears.I wouldn't be surprised if I never see him again, though that thought disappoints me for some reason.
As arrogant as he seemed, I felt for him being in a place like this.Farm life isn’t everyone's ideal environment, and it clearly isn't his.But I smile, remembering how he held Noah with complete terror in his eyes, yet he did it.His innate care and attention came through, although hidden well behind his suit of armor.And even though he could’ve asked me to sign the paperwork then and there to get it over with, he didn’t.I’m grateful because I have no idea what I’m signing and need time to look through it all carefully and at my own pace.
“How many more we got?”Kevin doesn’t stop or slow down, knowing that working on the farm is something we all need to pitch in with.
“Just a few more.We’re nearly done.”I offer him a smile and get one in return as Noah starts picking some daisies and making a bunch, one I know he’ll present to me at the end of our work here.His heart is bigger than the moon, and I know one day he’ll make some girl very happy.
As we work quietly, a shiver runs up my spine, the feeling of being watched crawling across my body.I pause what I’m doing and remain still, yet my eyes flit around under my lashes, wondering if anything is amiss.
“Did you lock up the chickens, Kevin?”Maybe the chickens are making a mess on the other side of the house, which is what’s making me feel out of sorts.
“Yep.Everything is packed away too.”I look around again, not able to put my finger on it, yet feeling a little unsettled, which is new.I grew up on this land.My parents owned it, as did their parents before them.I know every square inch of soil.And I know when something doesn’t feel right.
“Is the shed locked up?”Kevin tilts his head as he looks at me curiously.
“Yes, I checked it before we came down here.”
I nod and offer him a reassuring smile.He looks a lot like me.Both boys do, and I’m grateful for that.I look a lot like my mom too.The maternal line is strong in my family.Thinking of her makes me a little melancholy, and I stare out at the fields to the left where they had their farming accident, my heart still aching for a different outcome, even a decade later.When my mom and dad both died, it was devastating, but being from the land like this, we know the risks and accept them willingly.
When I don’t see or hear anything, I keep working, digging in the soil and planting the roses.Hoping they take and flourish quickly for me.
“Kevin, are you looking forward to your first baseball game?”With the season starting in another week, my Saturdays like this around the yard aren’t something that will continue, as we’ll have baseball to go to now, my hours for farm work diminishing slightly.But it’ll be worth it to see him so happy.
“Harvey and I have been practicing at school.We play Williamstown first, and their pitcher is a pro.”
I grin at how excited he is already.“Well, as long as you have a good time, I’m sure it will be—” My words drop as we’re all startled by a large bang, and I scramble to my feet and pull both my kids close.I don’t think it was a shotgun, but it sounded a lot like it.With my heart racing, I look toward my nearest neighbor.Tim and Tina from the Whispers Toy Store are the closest to me, yet still a mile or so away.I can’t see their house at all, but my land meets theirs, and I look to see if they are out and about on this side of their property.Only, it’s bare.
Bob from the hardware store owns a lot of property around here as well, where he runs his cattle, his fields butting up to mine on my other side.But again, I don’t see him or any of his trucks that sometimes drive over his land when he’s fixing his fences and things.
“What was that?”Kevin’s head whips around as quickly as mine as Noah starts to whimper, clearly in tune to the emotions that Kevin and I are feeling.Fear.I pull him closer before I spot it.The rusted shed door swung open in the wind, hitting the wall with force.
“Oh.It’s just the shed.”I try to alleviate their fright, but mine’s not totally gone yet.
“The wind must have pushed it open.”Kevin’s eyebrows pinch.The rusted shed door is now wide open and swings in the breeze.It must’ve come undone from the rope locks.
“Let me run up and tighten it.You two stay here and finish the holes.I’ll be back in a minute.”
Halfway up, I look back at my boys, the two of them deep in the dirt, and I grin before I reach the shed.I grab the door and pull it back around, and then the rope to tie the door back in place.I’m surprised it came undone.The rope is new; I just got it two weeks ago, and Kevin said he locked it up.
But as I look more closely at the rope to hook it back around to secure the door, I still.
