Page 35 of Banished Mates
I’d had no intention of staying with them when I’d found them, but their proximity reached deep into my chest and squeezed my heart. The safety they blanketed me with was something I couldn’t turn my back on, and I didn’t want to. I squeezed my eyes shut, enjoying the fur pressed to my skin.
Something Camden and my dad always threw in my face was my tendency to be rash, but it was more than that. I made a decision and gave it my all.
Did that make me rash?
Sure did, but did I regret it? No. I wanted them, and encased by their furred bodies, I couldn’t help but be glad I’d plunged myself into the deep end.
I was no fool. I understood what this was—an opportunity at a life of not living on a ledge, never knowing which way I would fall. That’s how it felt with Camden. As much as I loved him, I could not be with him because being close to him kept me in suspension.
It’d slowly been driving me nuts, and when I’d seen him standing in the forest with Meridith, it’d snapped something in me.
I had blinders when it came to my best friend, but never pursued anything because I understood the danger I posed. It would have been fine if he’d been able to accept me as a defective werewolf. I would have just never shifted, but he needed someone who wasmore...
And I didn’t realize how small that made me feel.
Rowan released a bed shaking rumble and squeezed me. I winced at the tight hold and smacked at his arm, sucking in a lungful of air.
He chuffed and slitted his eyes. Damn, he looked pissed. The dark green was vivid against his gray fur. He flashed his teeth at me, and I jerked my head back so quickly, I ended up head butting Kit in the snout.
The hair at my temple fluttered with his heavy breathing and he released a deep rumbling snore. His heavy muzzle rested on my shoulder, but he was careful with the rest of his body. The furred chest bowed near my side, but it didn’t invade my space like Rowan who was crushing me. Lifting my head and torso caused Kit’s muzzle to slide off my shoulder and he rubbed his head into the warm spot my head had left. His chest pressed into the mattress and one of his legs hung off the bed. The position was either one of the most comfortable positions or one of the worst. His left side on the bed hugged the mattress as he crowded close to me.
I reached with my free hand and glided my palm over his hand, if that’s what you could even call it. Fur covered his skin, the coat thick and warm. My hand looked so minuscule resting over his. I wiggled my fingers into the warmth and dragged my finger to his claws. Kit’s were less curved inward than Rowan’s. The rough edges scraped against the palm of my hand. Deadly and dangerous.
I was with my mates when just a day ago, I was being dragged around by Uggo. The greed from his gaze flashed behind my eyelids. My stomach sank and I sucked in a shuddering breath.
But I was safe now. My shoulders loosened from the tension they’d held for so long. I’d lived the last weeks on edge, waiting for my end, and I could finally breathe. I thought I was fine and back to normal, but I was dead wrong. The sexual release seemed to zap my energy and the adrenaline had been sucked from my body. And I struggled pushing back memories—his dirty words.
I’d been trapped in that cold place, held on the verge of death...
I never wanted my mates to feel this way. A lack of control over their surroundings, this pain—no, numbness. Pressure unfurled from my gut and spread toward my chest until it was too tight. It was getting difficult to breathe, so I scooted back until I was sitting.
Reaching up with my free hand, I touched the tickle on my cheek and lifted it in front of me. The cool-toned, dim lighting of the morning allowed me to see the wetness.
Tears started in earnest and I released a shuddering breath, my shoulders shaking on a silent sob. It sucked that I couldn’t even cry as dramatically and noisily as I wanted. It was the most cathartic thing I used to do.
Rowan’s arm tensed around me as I shivered, the cool air kissing my skin no longer covered by their fur. It was so damn cold.
Rowan’s ear twitched and his blurry form rose in front of me. His tongue slid across my face, removing the current tears, but more fell.
As frustrating as crying was, it was already loosening the tension in my shoulders. Another tremble accompanied a rough exhale.
“Mate?” Rowan growled with a questioning tilt. His grip lifted and his hands hovered over my body, not touching. Without the heat of his body, mine iced over. I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them tightly, making myself as small as possible.
Rowan shoved Kit’s leg once and then twice, the moment verging on frustration.
I wrapped my hand around his forearm and shook my head. Kit should sleep if he was tired.
“Help our mate,” Rowan snapped, irritated.
Kit popped up, alarm marking his wolfman face.
“Let me sle—” Kit’s snarly words cut off and left the room in silence. I dropped my forehead to my knees and took deep breaths to get myself together. Already the wave of pressure that had blanketed over me was leveling out.
“Willow?”
I shook my head, not meeting Kit’s gaze. Licking my lips, I readjusted in my sitting position, pressing deeper into the cushion.
There was a whine from Rowan and then the bed jostled as one of their heavy bodies moved. The bed dipped and Kit adjusted himself before the fur covering his hands tickled my skin as he slid them under me and pressed me tightly to his chest.
