Page 50 of Forsaken Devotion: Part 2
I set the bottle on the coffee table.
He watched me steadily.
“Let’s get you to bed,” I said, grabbing his arm. “I really don’t think. you should be drinking while—oof!” I landed on his lap, my thighs straddling his legs, and his arms wound around me.
“Lucian?” I wiggled to free myself, but was wildly unsuccessful. His arms only tightened, pushing the air out of my lungs. I grunted from the force.
“I love you,” he mumbled, burying his face into my chest. “I love you, Josephine.”
“Stop.” My words were ripped from my throat. Panic bubbled to the surface. His vulnerable tone only made it harder. I’d been avoiding any sort of conversation about us, and I would continue to. I slid my hands between us and pushed. He fell back, and I took the opportunity to get to my feet, facing him with my hands raised. “Stop, Lucian.”
There was clear panic in my voice. I backed up until the edge of the table pressed into the back of my legs.
“I’m sorry,” he choked out.
My lower lip trembled.
“No,” I said, stiffening my expression.
To that single word, he reacted like I’d punched him. His red-rimmed eyes pinned me, his chest heaving.
“Please.” He inched forward until he slid off the couch, dropping to his knees. The wince that flitted over his features told me how much that had hurt. Being on his knees was the last thing he should be doing in his state.
“You’re going to injure yourself,” I snapped.
He turned his head toward me. Half of his face was awash with moonlight, making the dampness on his face easier to see. “I fucked up.”
He sucked in a breath. I couldn’t move, my feet cemented to the floor and the knot in my throat hurt.
“I’m going to sleep. You should, too.”
He wrapped his hand around my calf so suddenly. “Lucian?” I admonished, trying to pull away. Lucian captured my wrist. He lowered his head, his forehead settling against my belly.
“Please,” he croaked. “Listen.”
My heart roared in my ears, my breaths sawing from my throat.
“I struggle with softer emotions, Josephine.” He caressed the inside of my forearm. “I am . . . so lost without you.”
He lifted his head, reclining back to spear me with his hazel eyes. They were glassy. “Before you, I didn’t feelthis.” He clawed at his chest. “I didn’t know . . . It’s not your fault, it’s mine. My issue. When you showed up again, I believed it was the Moon allowing me a second chance to make the right choice. The one I always wanted.”
He sat back on his legs, still on his knees, my arm outstretched because of his grip on my wrist. His hair was a mess, his shirt wrinkled, and the sweats stained with what I assumed was alcohol.
I’d never seen him so . . . messy.
This man on his knees was so different from the put-together, confident Lucian I knew. Helookedlike he was falling apart.
The lump in my throat throbbed. I didn’t like seeing him in pain. He’d gotten drunk and sat in this very spot before. Now it made sense what he had been going on about when he asked me not to leave him.
I hated seeing him in pain, and I hated that I hated it.
“Lucian.” I said his name more softly. He swayed forward, eyes wide. “Let’s get you to bed; you need to rest.”
“No.” He tugged my wrist, and I stumbled closer. “Please, don’t block me out.”
Every time I looked at him, it hurt. I closed my eyes and struggled to ignore the hitch in his breath.
“Please, Josephine. Please,” he begged. “I’ll do anything.”
