Page 57 of Letting Go
“And how does he make you feel?” Savannah leans back into the booth and takes a sip of her coffee.
“I don’t know if I would admit this to anyone but you right now. Maybe it’s because of the case, but he makes me feel … precious, like he wants to carefully hold me to keep me safe. I told you about the magic I feel when we physically touch, and I thought maybe that was a fluke thing but it hasn’t stopped. I’ve never felt something like that before, like I have a magnetic connection to him. I’m not only drawn to him, but when I’m near him, it feels so right on a level that I don’t know if my soul has ever felt before. And all of that? All of that scares the ever-living daylights out of me, Sav.”
“What? Why? What scares you?” Savannah sits up straight, leaning forward, clearly surprised by my admission.
“It scares me because I don’t want to have my heart broken, and if I trust someone again, I risk being hurt again. It also scares me that it’s not just me, but if I were to explore anything with Walker or really anyone else, I have Eloise to consider too. I’m not trying to make anything in life harder for her than it already is after everything. Did she tell you she slept in her own bed last night?” Savannah nods as I continue, “That’s the first time since we moved here she made it the entire night. Her therapist told her to try when she felt brave enough, and she said she felt extra brave last night and wanted to try. She crawled into my bed around four this morning, but I’m still counting it. There have been what, like maybe three nightmares in the last week, which is a huge improvement from multiple ones every single night.”
“So those fears sound like worst-case scenario to me, honey. What about the best-case scenario?”
“Best-case scenario would be … well, that would probably be that he and I would have something real. Walker would become a regular part of our lives I suppose. It would also mean I would be in a relationship where I’m loved and respected by someone who has my back and wants to keep me safe both physically and emotionally. I can’t really explain it, but Walker makes me feel so safe in every sense of the word. Ever since I found out about Trent’s affair, I’ve felt … on edge because I thought I was in a good place, but I was fooled. So I’ve had my walls up to protect myself and to protect my daughter. But Walker just annihilates any wall I try to put up against him and somehow makes me thankful each and every time he does. He’s just so steady and good, Sav. I didn’t know it was possible to feel this way, and the feelings were so strong and so soon after I methim.”
“Do you know what I think that sounds like to me?” The corner of Savannah’s lips turn up in a small smile.
“What’s that?”
“I think it sounds like magic. And I think it sounds really, really good for both you and Eloise.” Savannah’s face breaks into a big grin.
“I think you could be right.”
“Of course I am. Viv, you deserve all the good and all the magic, you know that, right? It might be scary but after everything you’ve been through, any first step toward something new will be a little scary. But I think he might be worth it, honey.”
My sister is right; I think he might be more than worth the risk. I just have to be willing to take that leap of faith, and if I do, I somehow just know that he will catch me every time.
Chapter thirty-three
Walker
Today marks ten months since Dr. Trent Stone was murdered, and while there have been breaks in the case overall, we still don’t have the person responsible for his death. However, I now believe there is a single person behind his death and for whatever reason they hired the same professional assassin used in the other cases. It’s possible all of these murders were ordered by the same person or group, but I know in my gut that we just need to find the missing puzzle piece to have it all come together and we can hold this person responsible by solving this murder case. I rub my hand down my face before giving in to my continuous need to check on the most magnificent woman I’ve ever met in my life.
Me
Good morning, Viv. How are you doing today?
Vivian
Hey there Special Agent Man. I’m well … how are you?
Me
Glad to hear it. I’m well, thanks for asking. I can’t believe it’s already December though, time is flying by. How was Eloise’s Christmas program this morning?
Vivian
It was so cute. I wasn’t sure if Elosie would freak out with all the people watching them on stage or ham it up. I should’ve known better—she did fantastic. Although I can’t really believe how fast time goes and it’s already the holiday season. At the same time, last Christmas feels like a lifetime ago.
Me
Eloise is lucky to have such an incredible and strong mama.
Vivian
Everything I do is for her, so thank you. She deserves the best.
Me
It’s a good thing that’s exactly what she has in you then.
Vivian
