Page 7 of Letting Go
I hear my sister’s footsteps as she enters the den. Savannah has been here for two days this trip, but I’ve lost count of how many times she has visited since the murder. “Will you let me help you, Vivi?”
A sigh I feel deep in my bones escapes me, chased by a sob I cannot keep inside. “And what does that look like, Savannah? How can anyone fix this massive hemorrhaging hole in my heart and in my life?” I would cry if I had any tears left but I think my body ran out of those weeks ago.
Savannah sits on the couch and places her hand on my arm. “Honey, I can’t fix the storm, but I can stand with you and keep you safe as you navigate all of this,” she says gently, as though speaking to one of her children. “I can take care of you and help while you heal, but only if you let me take you home.”
Confused, I glance over at her. “Home? I am literally home—this is my home.”
Savannah gently squeezes my arm. “No honey, it’s not. You won’t heal in this haunted museum of memories of what was lost. I know this was your home with Trent, but you can’t do this alone. You need a safe space to grieve and heal while surrounded by people that love you, and love Eloise.”
I let her words hang in the air as my eyes look around the room and settle on Trent’s slippers under his favorite chair.
“Baby! Move your damn slippers!” I holler down the hall after I stumble on his slippers for the umpteenth time. They stick out fromunder the bed just enough to trip me but not enough that I saw them. I pick them up and bring them out to Trent in the living room.
“I really love this game, but can you please keep these under your chair or at least somewhere I won’t trip over them?”
Trent stands and takes the slippers out of my hands with a sly grin on his face. “But you always bring them to me, so really this system seems to work for me. I get slippers and some love at the same time.” He pulls me close and slides his hand up my neck, running his thumb along my jaw. “I’ll try to remember to put them under my chair, okay?”
“Thank you. You’re lucky you’re so handsome. It’s like that old country song. Instead of wondering whose bed your boots are under, I always know whose bed your slippers are under.” I joke as I lean in for a kiss. He kisses me deeply with his hand holding my jaw before pulling back to look at me with stormy and troubled eyes I almost miss, but the fleeting moment is quickly over as he gives me one of his signature smiles and leans down to give me a kiss on my forehead.
I hadn’t noticed the slippers were still there. Trent probably kicked them off before heading to bed just days before he died. Did he wear slippers when he spent the night with his mistress? Despite my best efforts, I feel the tears slide down my cheeks once again. I must not be completely out of them; my body found a secret reservoir of tears hidden somewhere. Damn it.
“Viv, Eloise already lost one parent. She can’t lose another. She needs you, and you both need our family. Let us help you,” Savannah pleads with me. “One phone call and the Cavalry comes to bring you home.”
The Callahan Cavalry. Our brothers would be here as fast as possible if she called them. I look up at our wedding photo on the fireplace mantle and know my sister is right. Staying here in this house of lies as we try to heal has already been too much for me, let aloneEloise. She needs to be surrounded with family and as much as I hate to admit it, I’m not strong enough to do this on my own. I won’t heal surrounded by ghosts and the whispers of betrayal that now haunt what was once my peaceful home.
“You might be right,” I mumble as I sink deeper into the sofa.
Savannah looks both relieved and surprised at my confession. “Might be?”
I swipe away more tears. “Yeah, Sav. Take the win. Call the Cavalry.”
“Good. It’s time to bring y’all home. I’m sure you can stay with Daddy at the house or you’re welcome to our guest house,” Savannah says as she taps away on her phone, likely alerting the Cavalry to her victory. Shane and Savannah recently converted their pool house into a small guest house with an addition so that people, specifically Shane’s family, had a place to stay when they came to visit. “It isn’t a ton of space, but y’all will be comfortable and the entire family will be close. We just finished the renovations and haven’t picked out any furniture for it yet other than that sectional I ordered, but that’s an easy fix.”
I tilt my head as I respond, “I think there’s plenty of space in your guest house. And let’s be honest, I think that’s a better option than Daddy’s. We both know that wouldn’t end well for anyone.”
Savannah grimaces in agreement.
Our daddy is a great man … today anyway. Growing up, he made his fair share of mistakes and committed transgressions against our mother. We were ignorant of it for most of our childhood but when the dam broke, everything came to light. It was hard for all of us to reconcile our perception of our parents’ marriage with reality. Mama insisted on counseling for the entire family and Daddy changed his ways. They had a solid decade of authentic happiness before the cancer swiftly stole her from us. Daddy knows about Trent’s affair and unfortunately now feels like Trent’s cheating is somehow his fault. The guilt he carries is heavy, and I would rather not try to navigate that daily when I have my own crisis to unpack.
“I agree. Daddy means well but he’s fighting his own ghosts with everything,” Savannah says. “But you know he is a wonderful Papa and babysitter. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if he transforms one of the guest rooms into a room just for Eloise. He’ll be thrilled for y’all to be nearby. I think it’s been really hard for him to figure out the best way to help and support you after the truth about Trent came out.”
With a small, encouraging smile, Savannah walks away and I can hear her call her husband, Shane, about my decision. I know in my heart Savannah is right—she usually is, but does running home make a coward?
My stomach churns as I process what I just verbally agreed to, but I also know deep down that this is a step toward healing for both my daughter and me. It’s obvious I’m not doing a great job on my own here, and it has been exceptionally hard to be in our condo since everything happened. I can barely breathe in my bedroom, let alone rest or heal. Trent’s absence somehow took the oxygen out of the entire home, and his lies stole any semblance of peace. The study was once my favorite place to be, cuddled on the couch, talking about our days, our sweet girl, and our dreams for the future. It isn’t the same without Trent, like our home isn’t even mine anymore. This place no longer feels safe either, it just feels like a constant reminder of the lies I ignorantly lived with for so long.
I feel like such a fool.
I throw the blanket back and get off the couch, grabbing Trent’s hideous slippers before heading toward the kitchen. I hear Savannah on the phone discussing hiring movers and travel plans with someone, probably one of our brothers. She pauses and watches me as I walk over to the kitchen island, open the garbage, andchuck Trent’s beloved slippers into the bin. I look up and she gives me a nod before continuing her conversation. Now that there is a plan, I’m ready to get the hell out of here as fast as possible. Savannah is right: I am standing in a storm and I need shelter, but I won’t find it here in Chicago. It’s time for us to go home to Forrest Falls; there is nothing left for us here but broken promises, lies, loss, and heartache.
Chapter four
Walker
“Sounds good, sir. We’ll go through the forensic reports after the lead examiner finishes up on the Milwaukee case. I’m still hopeful we’ll find a match that links some of these cases, even one connection would be a considerable break.” I finish up the call with the regional director and slip my cell into my back pocket. Placing the lid on the last box, I double check I didn’t forget anything else on my desk. I didn’t keep a lot of personal effects in my office other than a few photos of my nieces and nephews, a photo of Ghost as a puppy, and an aerial shot I’ve had in every office since I left Texas of my favorite spot on my family’s land.
“Knock, knock. Hey, Walker. You got a minute?” The svelte blonde interrupting me packing up my office is one of the best attorneys in the entire bureau. Her long, curly hair falls effortlessly over one shoulder and her perfectly tailored dress highlights her flawless curves. Gretchen Avery was once upon a time my favorite person in the entire world but is now more like a thorn in my side. I was really hoping our paths wouldn’t cross today.
I keep my face as neutral as possible, unwilling to be fake with her but I can be cordial without acting like we are friends. “Sure, Gretchen. What’s up?” I gesture to one of the chairs across from me as I settle back in behind my desk, careful not to hit my knees. Hopefully my new desk in Nashville fits my long legs better than this one did. I sneak a glance at my smartwatch, hoping to find areason to keep her visit short and sweet. I’ve spent enough time and energy on Gretchen Avery.
