Page 22 of Letting Go
“Hey ladies, can we buy y’all a round?” I turn to see a group of four guys standing near our table behind Willa that look like they’re still in college.
“Sorry boys, it’s ladies only tonight.” Willa turns and tells them over her shoulder.
“That’s cool, we’re into watching if that’s your thing too, no judgment here,” one of the guys says as he wiggles his eyebrows.
“Dream on, darling. You couldn’t even handle watching,” Willa replies with a wink. The guys take the hint and laugh at their friend getting shot down as they move on to another table. Throughout the night, a few other groups of guys try to shoot their shot, a few even directly asked for my phone number. I think I vaguely recognized one of them as an ex-husband of one of our former classmates, but my friends were experts at batting them all away without causing any drama. It’s too bad Chloe isn’t friends with us anymore, she could really learn a thing or two about tact.
Before we know it, it’s last call and Brittany’s husband is waiting for us outside. My sides hurt from laughing so hard and I have a nice buzz going on. It’s been too long since I’ve just enjoyed myself without worrying about my current situation, what we lost, or what’s next. My girlfriends intentionally helped me focus on joy and kept a drink in my hand all night. Tonight was exactly what my heart needed.
Zander drives each of us home while we entertain him with our wonderful renditions of pop songs from the early 2000s. I wave goodbye to him and Brittany as I walk up Savannah’s front walk, and Brittany sticks her head out the window to blow a kiss to me as they drive away.
Eloise is sleeping in her cousin’s room and I’m crossing my fingers she doesn’t have a nightmare tonight. I think I have some mint chocolate chip ice cream in the back of the freezer that is calling my name. As I follow the slate walkway around the pool, I can’t help but feel grateful for the cozy, ivory cottage. It’s not my home but I feel safe and protected with my sister just steps away.
Most days I can’t believe this is my life. I look down at my left hand as I unlock the front door. I stopped wearing my wedding ring the day after the funeral because it didn’t help my anger to see it every day. I have so much anger after everything but my finger felt naked—and wrong—without it so I wear one of Mama’s rings instead. The pear cut, emerald ring was a gift from Daddy to Mama when she gave birth to me and the dainty pavé setting makes the ring look like a wedding ring to anyone else. Mama gave both Savannah and me specific pieces of her jewelry collection before she passed, and I like the physical reminder of her love.
Mama also shared my love for mint chocolate chip ice cream. With a family as large as ours, we usually had multiple flavors in our freezer growing up. I have countless fond memories of ice cream sundaes on my parents’ porch. Mama would also pull theice cream out whenever she was trying to get information out of me or my siblings. She knew she could usually get us talking with a few scoops and I smile at the memory.
I close the front door and make my way through the small living and dining area to the kitchen. Unfortunately, I don’t have the mint chocolate chip ice cream I want to indulge in, so I grab my phone as I debate texting Savannah to see if she has any in her freezer. Pulling up my texts, I see the message I sent to Walker yesterday. Sober Viv might disagree, but Tipsy Viv thinks texting that handsome man sounds like a good idea at 2:30 a.m. I mean, what are the odds he’s even up? I grab a glass to get some water as I consider taking the risk of texting him or playing it safe and just going to bed.
What would I even say? I liked how it felt tingly and warm when I touched you and you smell delicious? Laughing to myself, I turn to go to the water dispenser and promptly trip over Eloise’s sandals, dropping my phone, and landing on my butt in the middle of my kitchen. My lack of balance is proof I should have declined the last two drinks of the evening. Thankfully, I didn’t hear any glass shatter so hopefully my screen is okay. I pick my phone up and flip it over, only to see it’s connected to a call—shit!I must have hit something when I dropped it.
“Hello? … Vivian? Is everything okay?” I hear Walker talking as I slap my forehead. Crap on a cracker, this is not happening right now! I brush my hair back, as though that is going to help me sound more sober than I am.
“Oh, yes, hello, hi very Special Agent Henry Walker Bennett. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you, my sincere apologies.” My body is crimson, blushing from head to toe as I just flat out lie. I cringe and cover my face with my other hand, even though he can’t see me. My face is on fire with embarrassment.How did I accidentally call someone, let alonehim?!
His soft chuckle thankfully doesn’t sound that annoyed. “Ma’am, do you know it is a crime to lie to a federal agent?” Walker responds.
“Shit! Yes, of course I know that. I’m a lawyer. Did you know that? Of course you knew that. Or at least I was, I mean I still am a lawyer, but not right now. Right now, I am a very embarrassed drunk on her kitchen floor. Shit, shit, shit. Okay, I do know how my phone called you, I just didn’t mean for it to call you,” I ramble on.
“And how did that happen, Vivian?” Walker’s gravelly voice reminds me I probably woke him as it is the middle of the night. Speaking of assumptions, I wonder if it would be accurate if one were to assume he slept nude. “Vivian?”
“Here! Okay, so I may have gone out tonight and had a few adult beverages with some girlfriends. I think a few of them snuck up on me. Those sneaky sons of guns. Anyway, I came home and was all excited for mint chocolate chip ice cream, but apparently one of my brothers or maybe even my own child beat me to it and there is zero mint chocolate chip ice cream in my freezer right now. Isn’t that terrible?”
“Sounds awful, but can you help me connect mint chocolate chip ice cream with why we are speaking on the phone at … 2:34 a.m.?” I think he might even sound amused. Amused is better than mad, right? Right.
“Right,” he replies.
“Oops, did I say that part out loud? Gosh, being drunk is harder than I remember.” I’m officially beyond mortified. Can I get a sunburn from blushing too hard? Will aloe help like it would a sunburn? Would I look pretty with a sunburn?
“I’m sure you’d look pretty, even with a sunburn, but why are you blushing?” Walker asks.
“Oh damn it, I can’t even keep my inside thoughts inside now!” I lean against the cabinet and extend my legs out on the kitchen floor. “For Pete’s sake, I was going to text my sister about the ice cream and I saw the message I sent you the other day when you were here. So I was thinking about sending you a text because I remember how nice your smile was and how delicious you smell, but then I needed water, and I tripped and dropped my phone and I guess in the midst of all of that, my phone decided to call you.”
“Your phone decided to call me, huh?” Walker definitely sounds amused now, maybe smiling, and he might have even laughed. “I am laughing, there is no question.”
“Ugh! Inside thoughts, self! So that’s what happened, no lies, no federal offense, and sadly still no mint chocolate chip ice cream either.”
“I appreciate the honesty, ma’am.”
“Oh no, I didn’t even consider you might not be alone right now!” I cover my face in embarrassment. He probably has a sober, beautiful woman in bed next to him while he answers my drunk dial.
“No, no beautiful woman, sober or intoxicated, in my bed right now.” Damn inside thoughts! “I’m alone, other than Ghost.”
“There’s a ghost in your bed?!”
“Haha, no, not a ghost. Ghost is my English cream golden retriever,” Walker explains. “He is also my best friend and closest confidant, even if he has been known to steal an entire pizza off the counter if not properly stored out of reach.”
“I grew up with dogs. For years my parents had Irish Wheaton terriers. My favorite was my mama’s dog, Betty. She always looked like she was smiling and maybe she was, who knows. Elosie would love to have a dog, but a puppy would not work right now in the guest house.”
