Page 128 of In the Safety's Zone
“I know, but you understand that my devotion and love for you comes from a healthy place. I ain’t about to let you fuck up our future cause you too busy chasing the toxic bullshit that resembles your family. I gotta keep myself in check from doing it, so I will hold you accountable too.”
“Not you thinking I’m that toxic.” I mean I might’ve been before but I’d definitely gotten better now.
“Not toxic, just running to what’s familiar. Now, hand me them panties, baybeeh and get in the water.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Overtime
ANTHONY
I DIALED A number that I normally reserved for our biweekly check-ins which had waned in the last few months. I had been speaking with this man less because not only was I busy but also because his wife had just given birth. It seemed like my head had been on straight so we conversed a lot over text to check in.
After forcing Phro to have a bath, we sat and ate the dinner I’d brought home amid the boxes in the condo. They felt symbolic. The condo was me being comfortable in what I thought was my success. And I would’ve stayed in that mindset before I met Aphrodite. But I was packing up all parts of my old home and only some of it was being taken to the new one. The same was true of my habits and even the people in my life. I was sitting out on the balcony enjoying the cool early October weather and trying not to wake Phro up.
He answered in the usual way he did that immediately redirected my thinking.
“If your head is down lift it up.”
I cracked a smile at the easy way he could shift my thoughts with a simple sentence. God really had to have his hands on this man because he was gifted and walked fully and joyfully in his purpose.
“I take it you’ve seen what’s going on?” He was always positive but for him to start out the conversation attempting to bolster my confidence meant he knew it had taken a hit.
“I have. If we’re having our first live conversation in the last few months I know something is up.” I could hear him shifting and when the soft breathing came over the phone I knew hemust have his son near him. The announcement of his birth had been made on social media and I’d sent my congratulations and two big gift basket things that Aphrodite found. One was filled with baby stuff and the other was specifically for his wife. I was more than happy to let her handle it because I didn’t know anything about what women needed after birth.
He gave me patience to confess my feelings and I was thankful that he never rushed me. Traditional counseling meant you had to stay within the confines of their schedule and dealing with the demons controlling your actions didn’t work on a clock.
“I’m feeling conflicted.”
“About?”
“The emotions I’m feeling.” Because I wanted to do bodily harm to a lot of people right now.
“Speaking to your brother wasn’t an option?”
One thing about Jahmir is that he didn’t feel the need to be everything to everyone. He had a circle that he went to in trouble and wanted the people he counseled to have the same if possible.
“Nah. He’s as hotheaded as I am. Probably worse and right now our emotions playing off one another’s isn’t what needs to happen.” We’d both played well in our last game but shit talking opponents had us both getting senseless penalties.
“And your lady?”
“My lady. I don’t want the way I’m feeling to scare her off. I’m pissed, Jahmir. Like ready to go break a commandment pissed.” My people had been far more visible lately than before and I knew it was because they were basking in being the center of attention of the mayhem they’d caused.
“Your emotions are normal. It would be different if you were out here feeling the way you did for no reason at all. But that’s not it. You are more than justified in feeling the emotions that you do. Your parents haven’t been the best and I can empathize with you on that because I’ve been there.”
I’d been watching the nightlife move around below me like it might hold the answers on how to calm my emotions.
“How did you handle it?”
He chuckled and it sounded…different from how I was used to him being. The man was normally stoic but for him to laugh meant the situation must’ve gotten out of hand with his people. “He died before he had a chance to truly repent for his sins and my mother went on a sabbatical. She’s not at all repentant.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
I felt like shit bitching about this when his people died without him getting any type of closure. But I had to wonder if closure was even possible for us in this situation.
“It’s no bother to me. I made peace with both of their stances a long time ago. It just took me a while before I could impress upon them how disappointed I was in their behavior.”
“That must’ve been a tough conversation.” I couldn’t think about doing that with Jill and that nigga she was crazy about. We’d go to blows within the first few minutes.
