Page 134 of In the Safety's Zone
“You not even supposed to be outchere. By week is supposed to be a time for you to relax and spend time with your sweetheart. Where she think you are, anyway?”
He was still mugging the squiggling shape on the ground with disdain as he spoke with me.
“I told her I was coming to pick up the things I’d left here when I lived with you. I know it ain’t much but I had to be here. You act like you ain’t damn near invite me talkin’ bout ‘my problems were gone be over soon’.”
Anthony cut his eyes at me and I could only smile in the darkness ‘cause he had me there. I made the first mistake by trying to ease his mind. He went back to staring at the man on the ground before he continued. “Me and Phro gone head to the beach real fast so we can relax and eat good. Then we’ll start unpacking the house and getting that straight. She already wants you to stay with us when you come for the next game. Got the room picked out for you and all.” He grinned proudly but I had to set out a stipulation.
“Long as it ain’t near yours.”
Much as I loved him I wasn’t about to hear that shit. Aphrodite was a sweet girl. Couldn’t cook worth a damn but she loved Ant in a way that healed his heart. Antwan’s problem was that he ran from love and would do whatever he could to avoid it. Anthony was the opposite. He was going to give too much because that’s what he was used to chasing after his mama. But seeing how she rooted for him, doted on him and went just as hard for him as he did for her. Aphrodite would be in the box cussin’ out refs and yelling encouragements he couldn’t hear. None of it was performative; it was passionate, the kind that came from the unadulterated love he deserved.
“‘Course it ain’t.” Anthony looked as disgusted with the idea as I was.
Pride overcame me as I listened to the man he’d grown into. He’d shied away from me because of the grip his mama held on him when he was younger but had eventually come around. I’d always loved him as much as I loved Gordie but now we were just as close. The arrogant and sometimes ungrateful kid that Anthony used to be was replaced by the confident, hardworking man in front of me. To be the best version of himself was all I ever wanted and being able to see it was a blessing.
“Like a man in love.”
Anthony nodded his eyes still trained on the ground. “And I ain’t gone deny it.”
“I’m proud of you, Knuck. You and Gordie ain’t nothing like those two waterlogged kids that were rescued from that tree. Y’all took that hurt, that pain and let it motivate you. Let’s get you back to your beauty then. Gotta make sure you don’t lose her ‘cause you’re out too late.”
He nodded again and I could tell his focus hd sharpened to what he needed to do. Since I wouldn’t be in charge tonight I handled the grunt work. I don’t know who this fucker had been mooching off of this time around but he hadn’t missed a meal. I’d almost hurt my damn back deadlifting him into the car. I wasn’t about to make that mistake again so I drove my pickup out as far as I could and kicked his ass out of the bed.
I was getting too old for this kind of work.
I crouched down as close to him as I could get, the lights from the truck dancing shadows across his face.
“I warned you and Jill to stop fucking with me and these boys, didn’t I? But neither of y’all took me seriously. You, of all people, took me for a joke when I’m far more dangerous than you could even begin to imagine. That shit you think you doing? Small things to a man like me. You thought of yourself as a god but the people like me who never bought into your bullshit were unmoved by your bravado. You were smoke and mirrors, a charlatan who could only con his way into a comeuppance. Damn shame you could’ve saved yourself all this and just left well enough alone.”
Even in the limited light, I could see him straining against the bonds that held his hands and feet tied together. The gag limited him to incomprehensible grunts and groans I easily ignored. “And in case you were worried about the boys, don’t. I have them, the same way I always have.”
I patted his cheek since I’d already beaten his ass when I snatched him up.
“I thought if I came face to face with you I would ask you the questions I had since I was a kid. Why you ain’t love us? Did you ever give a fuck? You ever gonna change or do we mean nothing to you? But none of that shit is even relevant anymore. I don’t need to hear the answers to your questions because I already have them. The lifetime of neglect speaks to your intentions and to your heart. The way you only come around with your hand out a testament to the way you truly don’t see us as people to love but to use. And I’m at peace with that. What I thought I lacked from you and Jill I’ve found or I’ve had it all along.” When Anthony glanced back at me that feeling in my heart kicked up again. He turned back to his father with his shoulders squared and his head high. “Folks wanted to handle this for me, but I’m a man about mine and I’ve worked for everything I’ve got. I was headed down the road of being just like you and Jill’s trifling ass but my people got me right. So, I’m going to put in the work for my family to have peace from this moment forward. It’s my honor to be my brother’s keeper.”
The shots rang out, the gun barely recoiling in his hand. A sign of his strength and determination to what he’d settled on doing in his mind. He hadn’t even bothered to remove the gag in Antonio’s mouth because he knew anything his sperm donor said was going to be bullshit. Anthony lowered the gun to his side the way I taught him. He was still, like he was waiting for regret to settle on him but it didn’t. It had already been proven that jail wasn’t going to rehabilitate his father and he would keep using whatever he could to get at them. Death was the only way to rid his life of the cancer that was his father.
“How do you feel?”
“With the way they fucked up my head as a kid, this is relief. This ain’t the first time I’ve seen a dead body, Unc. It’s just the first one that ain’t bloated from the heat or from the water.”
He was right and I was sure he was okay but anything could happen. “We dragging him out to the water now?” Anthony tucked the gun at the small of his back and looked as though he was going to pick up Antonio’s legs to head to the entrance of the bayou.
“Right now? You let the people who love you clean this shit up. You gotta keep your nose clean so that people think this man was a non-factor in your life. The car with your stuff is loaded up, go back home to your girl and do what Antonio never could.”
“And what’s that? Be monogamous? I’m already doing that.”
“Be at peace. Your daddy has battled with himself for years, what we don’t know and it don’t matter. The second that battle unwillingly enlisted you and Gordie any sympathy for him died. Nobody knows he was out here and won’t ask any questions. You don’t know a damn thing so keep it that way.”
His nod was slow, like this moment was more than ending the life of his abusive parent. It was like he finally realized he was breaking a generational curse by killing him. Anthony took one last look at his sperm donor before reaching behind him and giving me the gun.
“Thank you.”
He’d done the hard work so there was no need for him to thank me. “This ain’t no problem—”
“And you know this gator bait ain’t what I’m talking about. I’m thanking you for the time you were there and didn’t have to be. You were a better father than he ever tried to be and as an adult I see that. As the man you and Choo taught me to be, I wouldn’t be worthy of calling you family if I didn’t express my thanks.”
“You never have to say thank you for love that is and was given freely, Knuck.”
