Page 21 of In the Safety's Zone
“Nah, I have a Ph.D in fucked up toxic parents so I can see the signs. My brother is famous and it only makes me even prouder of him. And every time I win, he’s the one cheering for me loudest. That’s how it’s supposed to be. No bullshit or trying to outdo one another. It’s supposed to be all love.”
“I don’t have that. I doubt I ever will.”
“Maybe not from them, but you can always find someone who will cheer for you. Our people ain’t shit and I know I’m lucky to have my brother. And he’s got a group of people who love us like we’re family. Hell, we are family. Add in our uncleSilas and it takes away the sting of how bad our parents are.” That was mainly true but there was still always that kernel of pain that lingered despite how well other people loved us.
She folded her arms studying me again as if she was buying time before she spoke up again. “You say this like you’ve healed but somehow I can still hear the hurt creep out.”
I hesitated to be so honest but I knew that I wasn’t about to lie to her. Shit felt wrong on a level that went far past simple morality. Opening my mouth to speak a lie to this girl was against every fiber of my being.
“Oh, the wound is there. You might get the scratch stitched up but you have the reminder of the scar for the rest of your life. Shit even aches sometimes but it no longer bleeds.” I shifted around suddenly feeling uncomfortable with the level of vulnerability I’d just expressed. I wasn’t a man who hated emotions but looking weak in front of her was bothering me.
“That was painfully beautiful and it makes me sad for you.” Her hand went to the puffy coat of my sleeve and even through the down I felt her give it a squeeze.
“Nah, the last thing I deserve is someone’s sadness or their pity. I ain’t no angel, and I’ve made more than my share of mistakes in this world.”
“Athlete frame of mind?”
“More like the spoiled little brother who thought the world owed him greatness without him having to do anything but show up. So yeah, I can speak from both sides of shit because I’ve been on the top and the bottom. You know the major difference?”
“What?” She looked thoroughly intrigued by what I had to say and I was glad my honesty and lack of perfection wasn’t a turnoff.
“I refused to stay down. Defeat is not a frame of mind I will associate myself with anymore. Not personal or professional. I know this time I’m not trading on a name or just getting by ontalent and it’s coming to fruition the way I worked hard to get to. And from the way you look and the wins you’ve already racked up, I know you have the same work ethic. So anyone who doesn’t see greatness in you is only looking at you through jealousy-colored glasses and you can’t trust their asses, anyway.”
We’d gotten way deeper than I’d expected but I truly wanted her to understand what I was saying. None of it was for clout, it was so that when she walked out of here and had to face the world; she did so with her head high the way it should’ve always been.
“I don’t know if I should start shouting praises or let a tear drop. Or get up and go train or something. Can you say all that again so I can record it and play it before my next match?” She pulled out her phone and I wanted her to keep it out for something, but not this pep talk shit.
“You silly as hell. But I can’t take the credit. I’ve been speaking with a spiritual advisor who helps me keep my mind right even when I get low.” I communicated with him long distance via video message so he could help me get my head straight.
“I’m serious. You know coaches can only be so nice and the public will like you one second and then call you overrated the first time you’re not perfect.”
“That shit happens a lot to you?”
“I ignore it. My folks have my image damn near sanitized and there are moments when I want to speak up about something or have an opinion and I’m not allowed to because they don’t want to threaten the brand, i.e. the money.” She rolled her eyes and I gathered more respect for her, knowing that she really wasn’t about playing the sidelines. But still she was too old for people to be controlling her words as closely as they were.
“You bust your ass to be rich and then you gotta keep a muzzle on to stay that way? What’s the point? There's too muchshit going on that’s bad in this world for people to just chill and only worry about themselves.”
“That’s exactly what I’ve been saying, but people are only worried about their checks, which I can understand. But not when I’m standing there allowing my silence to equate to complacency.”
I was completely impressed with her words. Aphrodite was making me feel shit that couldn’t even be a thing because I had no certainty of where I was going to end up in the next few months. Even if I landed where I wanted to be, that would be thousands of miles away from her.
She grinned at me like she was seeing me for the first time, although we’d been out here talking for almost ten minutes. “You wanna go get something to eat? I know I’m starving and you have to be too.”
I reached for my phone ignoring all the thoughts I’d just spoken about it being pointless to do anything with this girl. I was going tolaissez les bon temps rouler. Shit, it was close to Mardi Gras.
“Uh, yeah we can order a car or—”
Her scoff brought my eyes up from the ride share app I’d been pulling up. “A car? I might be from Jersey but that’s not how we do it when we’re in New York.”
I looked around thinking she was about to drive us somewhere but only delivery trucks were still left in the lot. “How did you get here?”
“My father drove but the car isn’t here and I’m more than sure he’s occupied with someone and won’t be coming back soon. He’ll only worry if he doesn’t see my practice tape for Monday in his inbox.”
I couldn’t keep talking cash shit about this girl’s daddy but I damn sure wanted to. Instead, I just shook my head to preventme from saying some foul shit. “We just met so I’ll keep my comments to myself.”
“That you have them tells me you’re already a better man than the one that donated his sperm to create me. But what are you in the mood to eat? You’ve been to New York before, right?”
“It’s been a minute but I know there’s some of everything around here. What do you suggest?” We weren’t really dressed to go somewhere fancy but I was ready to go wherever Aphrodite suggested.
