Page 100 of In the Safety's Zone
My voice was flat and emotionless because showing emotion meant it was just a point to exploit.
The silence spread and I knew she was trying to find a new angle to use but was coming up short. The information diet she’d been on for years meant that she didn’t know how to attack me. Which was exactly how I wanted it.
“Is that how you’re doing your mother?”
“That’s how I’m dealing with someone who’s being disrespectful to my brother and his family. To the woman I’m building a life with and will create a family with. That’s notsomething that will ever be tolerated with me. It’s always family first.”
“You say that as you speak to the person that gave you life.”
“And that’s about the last thing that you did for me if we being honest. And even that was trying to prove a point to that nigga’s other bitch since she was sterile.”
My uncle Silas didn’t play the radio when it came to my mama and her shit. He told me straight up when I lived with him how shit really was with Jill and my sperm donor. Antonio had an old lady but she couldn’t have kids so he constantly stepped out on her. Which was crazy cause he was a hustler and she was a nurse. They were high school sweethearts but a fucked up accident when he was out with some of his people ruined his chances to play football at a collegiate level. He’d supposedly been good at that shit because all his people loved to brag that we wouldn’t be talented if it wasn’t for him. But then he met Jill and knocked her up twice. Among half a dozen other women. His high school sweetheart got fed up with his shit so all his side chicks competed for her spot. I hated that so many women around our way would do whatever they could just to say they had a man. As a man, none of us were worth that. Thirty years later, my mama was still trying to keep his attention.
“Wow, your disrespect has gotten out of control.”
I moved around our room gathering up more stuff to put in my duffle bag. “You gotta understand I’m grown, Jill. You wanted to be treated like a friend and to be real, friends that acted the way that you did with me and my brother would’ve long been cut off. You still got access off the strength that we share DNA but I can always change that if it’s not enough for you.”
“I have cancer.”
I didn’t miss a step when I responded. “Send me the doctors’ information.”
“What?”
I knew by the way she sounded she hadn’t expected me to say that. I treated my mother with a long handled spoon going months without talking to her. It was what I had to do for my own sanity. After the way she spoke to me when Choo got married she was lucky I talked to her ass at all.
“Send me the doctor’s information.”
“He can’t talk to you because of HIPAA.” Jill was pulling shit out of the air thinking I didn’t know anything.
“He can if you give him permission. Until then I’m not believing it.” I squeezed my eyes wishing I’d just ignored this call instead of taking it. Jill was following her normal script and even though I’d prepared for it she was still stressing my ass out.
“Wow. So you got your lil money and you think you can talk to me any kinda way? That’s what this is.”
I chuckled keeping the slight pain her words caused buried about as deep down as the last shred of love I had for her.
“Mylil moneyis the reason you’re calling ain’t it? I’m sure it was all overSportsNewsand you were calling trying to get your piece of it. Why would you want to talk shit to the person you’re trying to con?”
The news had reported that I was in contract negotiations with theDesperadosand it took me by surprise. Here had been several reports on how I’d performed at camp and I honestly thought they’d only done it because of who I was with. But when they started using words likeassetandhidden gemmy confidence solidified that I was doing what I needed to.
“Con? All the shit that I’ve done for you and you think I got to convince you to give me money? Nigga, you owe me!” Her voice got louder on the phone and I was trying my hardest not to get pissed off. After everything she’d lost she still hadn’t learned.
Funny how I’d told my brother I owed him and he refused but Jill was here demanding things for me when she’d never done anything for me.
“I don’t owe you anything. You don’t keep a tally with your kids but again, you’re the type. I’m good, and like I said when you release your information from your doctor we will see about the cancer thing. You might not believe it but me and Choo give a fuck, just not the way you want us to.”
“No y’all don’t. Y’all living the high life and think I’m about to go somewhere and get a fucking regular job. Why the fuck would I do that?” Her voice was shaky with the rage of not being able to manipulate me.
“Because you have bills.”
“That’s rich coming from you. You ain’t had to do shit your entire life but run around on a fucking field and wait for you brother to toss you some money but you want to talk about me.” Her bitterness was loud, permeating everything she said making her words sound sour.
“I’ve had a real job. And if this football shit was so fucking easy everyone would do it. I humbled myself when I lost everything. I ain’t wait around to get a handout like you swear I did. I had to swallow my pride and do the one thing I didn’t want to because it was necessary. When have you ever done that shit, Jill? You went from relying on the government to relying on your son when we got too old for you to get money from them. I appreciate that you ain’t let us starve, but you gotta at least be real with yourself on the shit that you did and didn’t do.”
“So now I wasn’t any good?” She was laughing like something was funny because facing the truth in my words was too much for her.
“I’m done with this. I said what I said. You could’ve got on this call and said ‘congratulations on the contract, I’m proud of you’ or ‘happy your dream is coming true’, like any regularmother. Instead you decided that you want to talk shit like it’s your default setting. I’m good on that.”
“But—”
