Page 102 of In the Safety's Zone
“A lot of that was probably because of you.” I tried to keep my voice steady but it still tightened up on me.
Silas’ kindness had been our saving grace: Choo’s when we were kids and mine the last few years. Hell, he’d probably done more for us than even I knew and I was grateful.
“None of it would’ve happened if y’all boys didn’t care enough about wanting to be better. I can tell you anything, but that doesn’t mean you’ll take heed to what anyone says.”
“Maybe.” I squeezed my eyes closed to keep the emotions back and took a deep breath.
“Now about your beauty—”
I laughed at how he was switching it up probably to lighten the heaviness of our conversation. “So we’re done talking about this I see.”
“Nothing else to say. Your mama gone be who she is and the only factor you can control is you. How you choose to act is completely up to you.”
“She makes me happy.” I didn’t have to tell him who the she was I was speaking on.
“I would think so. I had my questions but when I hadn’t seen you crashing out or acting up because of what the media was saying, I knew you were doing okay. And I’m grateful that you didn’t have to cut up behind the headlines.”
Folks kept saying that Aphrodite was slumming it and if she was going to go for someone that had a reputation she should get a rapper or at least an A-list athlete.
“I mean if we’re being real she is too good for me. Got her head on straight, from up north and she ain’t probably ever had to go through the kinda shit that I did.”
“Very few would understand what you went through, Knuck. Even people from Louisiana only don’t know the extent of how bad things were. And even the people who do inside of the state they’ll do whatever they can to try to deny it. They don’t want the taint of what they’ve done to weigh too heavily on them so they pretend that ramifications of their misdeeds don’t exist.”
“Man they showing them documentaries and so much is right and so much is white washed. It’s something that makes me so angry.”
The closer we got to that date the worse the feelings got but I’d learn to swallow it down. People bringing it back up for views disguised as information was starting to piss me off.
“I know, son. But there’s nothing you can do about it but protect yourself from it. It’s a trauma you won’t ever forget because it’s not something a popsicle and a pat on the head willerase. Folk act like doing the bare minimum makes it go away but it doesn’t. But you need to focus on everything you’ve gotten since then. It’s the only way you’re able to keep moving forward.”
“She knows. Heard me and ‘Twan talk about it and she never looked at me different. I think she might care more.”
“‘Course she does. Women like to know men can be strong enough to show their underbelly sometimes. You in love, Knuck?”
“Yeah.”
“Nah boy you can’t sit there and sayyeah. It has to be something deeper than that. You give that girl a yeah and she might run for the damn hills.” Silas’ disgust with what he thought was a lukewarm declaration was clear.
I laughed but his words were the warning I needed to express myself better to her when the time came. “We don’t want that.”
“Course we don’t. So tell me what you’re thinking? You gonna do something like your fool brother and propose in front of all that media at the gala?”
“She can’t attend because of the tournament. I ain’t mad though cause I don’t want to go for real myself.”
“Can’t get out of it. Not now that you’re a big name.”
“Not big name. Not yet.”
“Soon enough though. You feel better with what’s going on with Jill?”
I paused letting my emotions settle and they didn’t feel as bad as before. “Some.”
“I’ll take that. Now, you need to get on with what you were doing before I interrupted you.”
He was dismissing me like I wasn’t the one who’d dialed him up. “I called you, Unc.”
“Yeah well no big deal. I’ll be there in New York for you. Got my custom jersey ready and everything.”
“Custom?”
