Page 70 of In the Safety's Zone
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Mom, I had a forensic accountant go over everything. I know that you and Dad are running out of money, which is why he’s been acting the way he has. I know that since I started winning you all have been siphoning funds out of my accounts. I stayed home and I stayed silent because I thought you all needed me, but that’s over.”
“Aphrodite—”
Her voice was tight and I knew she didn’t expect me to reveal anything that I had. It was too easy to set a trap for my father to see if he would take advantage of my keeping extra money in the account. Like clockwork, he would pay his personal bills out it and then use up whatever was left at the end of the month. Thatdidn’t even account for the credit cards I knew he was using but thankfully were not tied to my credit.
“No, mother. It has been almost a week and the only time I hear from either of you is for you all to berate me for not doing what it is you want me to. I’m sick of it. I was more than happy to help but you guys couldn’t just be satisfied with that. You all wanted total domination of me and my life so that you could continue to dip into my funds. That’s all been shut down.”
I could’ve sworn I heard her gulp over the phone but I couldn’t be sure. “What do you mean shut down?”
“Dad has been removed from my team and so have you.” His position was honorary and hers was too but I felt like putting them on payroll would have them trying to get their shit together.
I was wrong.
“We are your parents—”
“Yes, and now maybe you’ll treat me like your kid instead of a product for you to peddle to ensure your future! I know that neither of you really wanted kids but after Daddy’s side chick got pregnant you couldn’t be the odd one out. And every time he strayed you did something more drastic to get his attention.”
“You know nothing about love.” Her voice sounded strained and I didn’t know if her jaw was clenched or teeth were gritted but she was pissed.
“I do. And it shouldn’t be anything like what the two of you have going on. You both hurt each other for sport and keep me in the middle of it. It’s a game I never wanted to play and neither of you cared. But I’m old enough to bow out of it and that’s exactly what I’m doing. You both have put me in situations that I didn’t ask to be in and it took a complete stranger to show me how fucked up that was.”
“You think that boy cares about you? He just wants you for your money.”And she wanted to pretend to be a loving mother talking to me like this.
The modicum of sympathy I used to have for my mother continued to shrink the more I spoke with her. Just like I said to Billy, nobody was going to tell me about a man who moved heaven and earth to show up for me and then acted like it was a regular Thursday.
“I haven’t spent a dime since I’ve been gone. Not even on tampons. You can feel how you want to about Anthony but he gives me the emotional security that you and Dad couldn’t be bothered to try to fake. And that’s fine. As I said, if you want to show up as parents and not a pseudo coach and pretend PR person who allows lies about me to spread you’re more than welcome. Until then, I have nothing to say to you.”
“And just what do you think this boy is going to do for you?”
I could hear the jealousy in her voice and I had to acknowledge that my being happy with Anthony would never make my mother happy. Instead of being mad at my dad she’d just try to sow discord in my relationship so I was as miserable as her.Damn, is that why she was pushing Christopher in my face?
“Mother, I don’t need him to do anything for me. And Anthony is not a boy; he’s a grown man—”
“Yeah okay. He’s anathlete.”
I chuckled at her hypocrisy trying to keep myself from lashing out. “Spoken by a woman married to one.”
She practically hissed the words at me and I knew her face had as heavy a scowl as her tox would allow. “Exactly. I lived that life and I know what the hell I’m talking about. You don’t. You have no clue how lonely this life is and the only thing you have to fill up the empty space is things.”
I had to sigh because this woman loved to blame her spending on being lonely. I was sure that was part of it but the truth was my mother liked having nice things and being able to flex over anyone around her. “That’s not true—”
“How are you going to tell me?”
I sat back against the headboard, her revisionist history pissing me off. “Because you seem to forget I lived it with you! Watched that man kiss us both on the cheek and tell us not to wait up. Never mind he’d been gone for days or even weeks with trainings. He’d drop off his bags and then go hang out like he was single and you never spoke up to tell him not to go.”
“Because what good would it have done?”
My mother’s frustration was being vented at me when she needed to aim it at the serial cheater I was sure wasn’t even home right now. Her calling me was a way for her to provide usefulness to him. Keeping me in line meant that she would get praise from him. That was all she lived for.
“It would’ve shown your daughter that this wasn’t what a healthy relationship looked like. That it’s not okay to be trotted out for press and pictures and then patently ignored unless I’m being trained to death. But instead you made me in your image. You had me chasing after a man’s love by pushing myself to the brink. And for WHAT? To make him feel better about himself? To make you feel okay for how you would drag me along to follow him whenever he snuck out? It’s not like he wouldn’t have told you if you would’ve asked because he knew you weren’t going to leave. By the time I was seven, evenIknew you weren’t going to leave. But instead, you allowed me to suffer with you. To wallow in that gilded palace that kept us both trapped. And now you want me to stay in it with you just to feed his ego? Where is Dad right now, Mother? He’s probably out fucking somebody else and having you sitting at home like a good pet—”
“You will never disrespect me!”
She screamed far louder than I had ever heard her before and I guess I struck a nerve. But again, it wasn’t my concern.
“Funny, you haven’t had an issue with Daddy doing it for three decades. Had a baby on you that you happily let him neglect. Blatantly cheats on you with anyone. And then he’s emotionally negligent to the one child you do have. It’s crazy that you say you had nothing—”
