Page 81 of In the Safety's Zone
“Is it gifts or is that just what you were told so that the people around you’s shortcomings could be masked cause they could point to something tangible as proof of all that they’d done for you.”
Can’t lie she about knocked my Black ass over with that one. Money was always a sore spot for me. From the time when we were kids and didn’t have any to the moment where I knew ‘Twan lavished me with things to make up for other people’s shortcomings. Money was the way my mother said love was shown. She never gave me any of hers directly but encouraged me to get it from ‘Twan when it was needed.
“You really said something there.” I wasn’t going to act like she hadn’t hit a nerve with me because now I was trying to peel back the layers of my own bullshit to give her a good answer.
“I hate to get all deep on a subject that wasn’t supposed to be—”
“Nah, get deep with me AP, it’s necessary. We doing this shit the right way.”
She grinned at me before she continued talking. “All I’m saying is think back to a time when you felt loved and protected. What did that look like?”
“All those times involved my brother or my uncle Silas.” I didn’t even have to think hard about my answer because they were the only two people I knew who had my back without question.
“And what was the focus?”
“Them trying to clean up one of my messes or trying to lead me in the right direction.” I ran my hand down my braids nervously the shame trying to fuck with the good mood I’d been in.
“So that’s words of affirmation when you don’t put a negative spin on it. I can see that. I thought it might be acts of service but with the way you check in when we’re having sex you probably have a lil praise kink.”
She winked at me and had me blushing like I was a fucking newbie.
“What’s yours?”
“Acts of service. I never had time with my people. Like, ever. They would be off in their own little worlds and it only became a thing for them to think of me when it was time for my lessons. Or when it was necessary for me to be trotted out to play for the cameras. So people who do things selflessly for me, like you have, it speaks directly to my soul.”
“Damn, AP, I ain’t even do nothing.”
She pointed at me with a biscuit half and I playfully reached for it before she snatched it away like fucking Gollum and that ring before shoving it in her mouth. When she finally got it down and I stopped laughing she responded to what I said.
“And that’s the part that gets me. You don’t realize what you’re doing because you just do it. I know you said your situation with your father was tenuous but whatever male role models you have in your life be it your uncle or your brother did a good job with you.”
“I don’t know if they’d say that.”
“They say that with their actions. They are proud of you. Happy to be seen with you. They aren’t going to shy away from their support. That man took you in as an adult by choice. That doesn’t sound like he’s just going through the motions.”
“Nah it doesn’t. Crazy thing is when I look back at film, my brother…my brother is always on the sidelines during the defensive plays I’m in during practice. I thought it might have just been something that he always did, but I noticed that when I’m not playing, he’s resting.”
The realization of my brother’s silent devotion was something that I hadn’t realized. I’d kept my head down for so long out of embarrassment that I didn’t know what to do.
“I rest my case. And about the clothes thing, I’ll get on it. I’ve been distracted but now you’ve given me a friend to help me navigate this stuff. No offense to Rye and Billy but they are married now so they do the whole low key sophisticated look. I’ll do that sometime but I also want to leave no room for people to wonder what we are to each other.”
“I just want you to have whatever you feel you need to go out there and be comfortable. People get really wild about some of the outfits. Have you ever been on WAGS social media? They hire full glam teams just to go to the game. I know you’ll already be glammed up though cause you’re going to be the US Open champion and shit. Matter of fact we probably need to get somebody lined up for you.”
“I’m sure Billy knows someone but damn, glammed up for the game?” I could tell she was rethinking the way she hadapproached all of this so I would put a call into Rye to give her some guidance.
“We’ll be coming from a press conference or something so that won’t be a big deal. I already told Antwan you’d need a ticket.”
“Thiswething is really a part of your vocabulary.” She was trying to sound like she was teasing but the smile spoke volumes. “You’re making these plans when I’m not even a part of the family officially yet. What I look like representing you and you never asked me to be your girl?”
She was real saucy when she said that shit and I had a trick for her ass sassin’ me.
I put down my fork and went back in the spare bedroom and grabbed a piece of paper. Scribbling on it quickly I walked back out as she looked at me curiously. I held it out to her and watched nervously as she unwrapped it. Her eyes flittered over the piece of loose-leaf paper and her face broke into a grin.
“You want me to mark it or you want me to say it?” The gleam in her eye from such a simple gesture would always have me going the extra mile for her.
I was showing all 32 of my fucking teeth grinning at this girl, waiting for her to give me her answer. “I mean we gotta memorialize this moment don’t we? I told you I’m all about preserving every part of our history.”
Her smile got wider and her eyes damn near disappeared. “You right. You got a pen?”
