Page 111 of Stepbrothers with Benefits
“Iwasn’t,” I contested hotly as I yanked off my coat and dropped my bag into the recliner. “It just so happens that I was kissing you hello and got caught up in the moment.”
“So, you weren’t stressing about something?”
“And you weren’t yesterday?”
“That was yesterday. That was when we agreed we wouldn’t deal with stuff. Today we are supposed to deal with stuff.”
“Ugh,” I grunted as I walked into the kitchen to grab one of the few remaining beers. “I hate when you’re the one who’s making sense.”
“Probably because it doesn’t happen often,” he admitted with a snort. “So, why don’t we start with what’s going on with you, and then we can talk about me.”
“You were the one who freaked out first.”
“True, but I’m the one asking first, so you get to talk first.”
“And we’ve returned to Milo Logic.”
“Eli...why aren’t you telling me?”
“Probably because you already have enough to worry about,” I told him with a scowl. “You just admitted you were freaking out yesterday. And like you always say, I should leave the freaking out to you, because you’re apparently better at it.”
What I hoped would make him crack a smile just made him frown instead. “I say that as a joke because you’ve always got it together...well, not always, but you usually are, and I’m the one who’s an emotional mess.”
“And I should add to that...because?”
His frown deepened, lips thinning. “Because we’re in this together. And right now it feels like you’re treating me like a delicate vase that will break if you stare at it too long.”
“You are not delicate,” I scoffed.
“Good, thenmaybe,” he practically hissed, “you could stop treating me like I am. I’m someone who’s as grown and mature as you and capable of handling things when they get hard.Especiallywhen things are getting hard.”
“So you can freak out?” I snapped back and regretted it when I saw the hurt flash over his face.
“Jesus Christ, if there was anyone in my life that I thought wouldn’t treat me like a little kid, it was you,” he said, his anger flickering long enough to show how much he was hurt. “I’m not a child, Eli. And I’m not fragile.”
He wasn’t, and I knew that better than he did. If I were pushed, I’d say he was tougher than me. Well, maybe nottougher, but he was far more resilient. He wasn’t the best at taking blows, but could bounce back faster than anyone I knew. Milo might end up having a dramatic and emotional breakdown, but he could also rally himself quickly afterward and get things done.
I wasn’t nearly as resilient, at least not back-loaded like his was; mine came from the front end of things and made it easier to resist stress and worry because I could work my way through it. The problem I had already clearly demonstrated to myself was when the stress and worry became more than I could handle. That was when I started to unravel, and all the tricks and skills I had for controlling myself quickly fell apart.
“No, you’re not fragile,” I agreed, turning away before he could see the panic in my eyes. “But you’re not the only one stressing out here, Milo. I’m worried too.”
“Fine, then be worried, but don’t shut me out,” he grumbled. “We’re supposed to be doing this together, not apart. I needyour help here, and...I think you need mine too, okay? Can we just...work together on this...please?”
I hated the pleading in his voice, and my anger was beginning to wither and die rapidly. I wanted to be left alone so I could privately melt down in peace and try to get my head on straight, but I needed to reach out and remind both of us that we weren’t alone. I had always tried to be good at it, at least with Milo, but it was completely different. Not just because it was a whole new type of stress and danger, but because I had always had time to get my head on straight, help Milo deal as well, or let him help me deal with whatever was left.
Except that wasn’t possible like it had been before...was it? I didn’t need to know when that particular fact had changed; it had changed the moment we shifted our relationship from close, best friends, to something sexual and shortly afterward, romantic. It was true that neither of us had tried to act like things wouldn’t change between us when we made those rapid shifts, but I had been so caught up in the thrill, excitement, and enjoyment that I hadn’t considered what was and wasn’t going to change.
Now I was staring at one of those changes I hadn’t considered. Gone were the days when I could look him in the face and expect him to let me have time to deal with things on my own for as long as needed. Sure, I could expect it to a certain extent, but that stopped when it started affecting Milo negatively, and by proxy, our relationship. I didn’t know when the transition from close friends to...lovers, I guess, made it so we could no longer be the same people, but that had happened. It was one thing to leave a friend waiting until you were ready to deal with things, but to do it to a romantic partner was unacceptable.
It was the sort of thing that had got in the way between Eva and me. The death of our romantic relationship had comebecause I had been unable, or unwilling, to let her into my life and mind. The thing was, Milo had been in both for years, but now expectations were different. I wanted to retreat; I wanted him to be able to wait, but I couldn’t do that if I wanted us to be together.
Which I did.
“Look,” I said, running my hand through my hair and forcing myself to take a deep breath. Everything in me wanted to retreat to a quiet corner and go through things on my own. To do so would hurt him, and I forced myself to steady and explain myself. “It’s...this is different, alright? Things are different. I don’t think of you as fragile or delicate, and I don’t think of you as someone I need to treat with kid gloves, alright? It’s just...there’s a lot in my head, and I’m not used to you, of all people, demanding to hear it all before I’ve had a chance to sit down and know what’s going on.”
Milo’s frustration eased, not completely, but enough that I knew he was hearing me rather than listening to the panic in his own head. “Okay...sure. I guess. I’m not handling this very well, am I?”
“No worse than me,” I said with a shrug. “We just...you’re right, okay? We need to breathe before we get overwhelmed and lose our minds. We need to figure out what we’re going to do, then do it together.”
