Page 122 of Stepbrothers with Benefits
“I...didn’t want to hurt you.”
“You didn’t want to feel bad for hurting me.”
“Are you going to allow for both to be true?”
“Both are true, but don’t try to paint a pretty picture that it wasjustfor my benefit. I’m an adult, I would have regretted losing a real chance with you, but I could have taken it just fine. But you took responsibility for my feelings onto yourself. Honestly, for all the bitching you used to do about Eli doing that to people, you’re just as fucking bad.”
Marshall looked around. “He gets it from his mom.”
Raf eyed him. “Not a people pleaser to the point of detrimental sort?”
“No,” Marshall said with a smile that felt self-deprecating to me. “But this running away from problems thing? That’sme. Marty would have immediately gotten online and yelled at anyone who dared to talk shit about her and the man she loves.”
Oh, look, a new level of guilt and shame I could feel...wonderful.
“I’m not pissed that you and Eli...what wording do I use here? Found each other doesn’t work; you two have been close since you were kids. I don’t know, I guess I’m glad you got the chance that most people in an unrequited situation never get to experience, especially because if anyone were to realize they might like dick and still stick by your side, it would be Eli. Man’s hard to figure out sometimes, but his devotion and loyalty to you is about as in question as the shape of the planet.”
“Plenty of people genuinely think it’s flat,” I pointed out.
“Yeah, I know. I meant that anyone with any functioning brain cells knows it’s not, just like anyone with functioning brain cells would never question the loyalty and devotion you two have for each other. So yeah, I’m not upset that you two are together. You’re practically flawless for each other, and I even told you in the first month of dating that it was a shame, for both your sakes, that he was straight. I’m pissed because of the way you handled this, the way you basically gave me the finger instead of talking to me like the partners we were supposed to be.”
“I don’t...”I began and closed my eyes. “I’m sorry, okay? I know I was shitty in how I dealt with this, and you’re right, you deserved better. I should have told you a long time ago, but I was terrified of hurting you, at how shitty that would make me feel, and...that all of that would put a cloud over what was happening. Over...over a dream coming true, and I didn’t want that bubble to burst.”
“Huh,” Raf grunted. “That was a lot more honesty than I thought I’d get. Maybe you’re not as lost a cause as I was afraid you were.”
“I’m...not sure how to feel about that,” I admitted with a frown. “Because I feel like I should be insulted.”
“Feel however you want to feel,” he said with a snort. “I’m not going to baby your feelings just because you want to keep beating yourself up.”
“I do not want to beat myself up!” I snapped, grabbing the pillow, and then reconsidered. I felt atouchof relief having listened to him, but I wasn’t ready to take my anger out on him yet...though if he kept going, I was going to throw that reluctance away quickly.
“You’re certainly not doing a lot to show otherwise,” he said, looking around and wrinkling his nose. “Seriously, when was the last time this place ever saw a rag that wasn’t covered in mold? At least all the alcohol in your system might make you immune to disease.”
“Even I know that’s not how drinking booze works,” I grumbled.
“Right now it’s your only hope,” he said, taking another drink from the bottle. “But you’ve been allowed three days.”
“Allowed,” I scoffed, feeling petulant but not caring.
“The only reason there wasn’t a manhunt sooner was because we all knew where you were,” Raf told me with a shake of his head. “ButEliargued that you should be given some time. There were about a dozen fights over twenty-four hours between Eli and Eva right there, neither budging. So, just be lucky it was Marshall and me who found you. Eva would have taken an ax to the door, beat you senseless, and then dragged you back, willing or otherwise.”
He wasn’t wrong; that was precisely what I could see Eva doing. She was a sweet and passionate woman, but hell had no fury like her scorned, and even hell didn’t want to deal with her if someone she cared about was hurt. It would probably be a good idea if she wasn’t around me for a while after my stunt. The lastthing I needed was to add another ass beating on top of the one I’d already received.
“And my family?” I asked, not sure if I wanted to know.
“That...I’m not sure about,” Raf admitted with a shrug. “Like we said, Eli hasn’t exactly been talking, and it’s not like he and I have had an in-depth talk. I know he’s been getting calls and texts from people, but he’s never said anything about the conversations or if he’s even saying anything to them.”
“Wonderful...wait, you’ve been with Eli?”
“Where the hell do you think we learned everything?” he asked in a tone that suggested I might be stupid, which...wasn’t unfair. I had been pickling my brains for three days straight, any time I was awake, and well...yeah, he would have learned about how Eli was feeling. It wasn’t like I could picture Raf having a text conversation with him, or Marshall, for that matter.
“I guess that explains why you two are together,” I said and then thought about it, wrinkling my nose. “At least Ihopethat’s why you two are together.”
“He offered to drive if I gave him a blowjob in the car,” Marshall told me in a bland enough tone that Ialmostbelieved him. I was spared from reacting to the horrifying idea when Raf snorted in amusement.
“That’s so not funny,” I told him with a scowl.
“I thought it was hilarious,” Raf told me.
