Page 54 of Stepbrothers with Benefits
“Well, I’m having an easier time telling you what I’m not rather than what I am because that’s easier to figure out. Like, I’m not mad. I’m not upset. I’m not second-guessing living here or wanting to go somewhere else. I don’t want to leave you or anything like that.”
“I mean...I guess that takes care of the things that were freaking me out the most, but it doesn’t really help.”
“Which I could probably help with if I knew what I actually felt,” he said with a little shrug. “Which is harder. Because mostly what I’m feeling is… confused.”
I winced. “Okay, yeah, that’s...that’s fair.”
“Well, it was...a lot of information to get told all at once, it’s a lot to process.”
“God save me, what did I say? Because I really don’t remember what I said that night.”
“I...let’s just say it was enough for me to know that you’ve apparently been, uh... into me for quite a while now and that it hasn’t gone away just because we’re older and both been dating.”
“Crap, you’re being vague, which means you’re leaving stuff out.”
“Would you feel better if I gave you specifics?”
“I’m not sure. I know that not knowing is a certain kind of hell.”
“Fine, you were...emphaticabout how hot you find me and have done for quite a long time.”
“Aw, hell,” I groaned, covering my face even though there was no hiding from the conversation. “Never mind, I don’t think knowing the specifics is necessary.”
He laughed, and I wondered how he maintained such a good sense of humor about the whole thing. Sure, he hadn’t been the one to make a complete ass out of himself, but it had to be uncomfortable to think about, to realize that I had been nursing some not-so-brotherly feelings for him for years.
He shrugged when I told him, “You’re not the first guy to express that they think I’m hot...and some of the others have told me in great detail what they’d like to do to me.”
“Please,please, tell me I didn’t say something like that. Lie to me if you have to, just tell me.”
“You didn’t say anything like that to me, and it’s not a lie to make you feel better; you just didn’t. You were...emphatic that you felt that way, and that you’d felt that way for a long time. Then came the touching.”
“Groping.”
“Does using that description make you feel better?”
“Hell no, but call it what it was.”
“An enthusiastic attempt at a handjob.”
“Elijah!”
He laughed. “Look, no matter how it’s described, you have an issue with it, so I’m just going to ignore how dramatic you’re being.”
“I have a good reason to be dramatic.”
“Really? Shouldn’t I be the one with a free pass to be dramatic?”
“Just because you aren’t using the pass doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.”
“Would it make you feel better if I said that not only was I not bothered by what you said, but it was kind of nice?”
“Err, what?”
“I mean, you might be used to guys saying shit like that to you all the time, but we’ve already established that gay men really have zero chill when it comes to other guys. Women, though, are a lot more tight-lipped about stuff like that. So it’s not often I get to hear someone openly and honestly express how much they want me. Sure, it was someone I never expected it from, so that’s a little strange, but you know, I’ve kind of come to expect strange when it comes to you.”
“Fine, yeah, whatever, thanks for that, and fuck you too, but this is a different kind of strange.”
“True, but...I’m not freaked out. Look at me, I’m not freaked out.”
