Page 85 of Stepbrothers with Benefits
“Right?” he asked with a laugh. “Dad always said that fish with the skin on will taste fishy. Guess now I can tell him he’s wrong.”
“Just spend...do I want to know how much this place costs?”
“Now, is it right for someone to ask how much the date costs? Unless you’re the gold-digging sort.”
“Hey now, I’m half the money maker here,” I said, because even at my most difficult, there was no way I was going to deny how much work Eli put in. He might not be the ‘face’ like I was, but his work was why my account was as popular and made as much money as it did. Ialwaysgave him a shout-out whenever it was called for, and definitely included his name and face in everything connected to my work. “And heh...date.”
“What the hell did you think this was after I’ve talked about it for a week?” he scoffed as he began digging at something that looked deep-fried, and I’d bet was seafood.
“I know it’s a date,” I said as the fluttering in my chest returned. “But c’mon, I’m on a date...with you.”
“You are,” he said in amusement. “That was the whole point.”
“Yeah, but…” I began and then stopped, realizing that this was one of those times where I should stop explaining because most of the time, I didn’t have to explain to Eli what I felt or thought. He just...knew.
Except...this was different.
Wewere different.
It was territory neither of us had gone through with the other. Yes, we had both come to know each other in ways that so few were ever allowed to know one another from...from what? Was it just because we’d grown up together since we were kids? Was it because our personalities synced well with our morals and values? Was it years of experience dealing with one another in a way that could only come from being siblings? Was it all of them? Some of them?
Whatever it was, it hadn’t prepared us for what we were doing now. I suppose deep down, I’d known that even if he had responded well to admitting my feelings for him, and had gone along with it happily and eagerly, it hadstillchanged things between us. It hadn’tbrokenanything, but things had changed. They had changed in ways I would have expected if I’d thought about it, but I didn’t want to admit it.
Because things did change when you moved from the realm of close friends to something...romantic. No matter how close you were, no matter how well you knew one another, when romantic love and sex came into the formula, it changed everything. Maybe it was in small, minute, even subtle ways, but it was there all the same. He knew now what to expect from me... not as a lover, a boyfriend, but as a date. Because when those factors came into play, they threw expectations and previous knowledge, while not out the window, but it certainly turned some things on its head.
Which meant I needed to express myself more clearly, more directly. I forced myself to take a deep breath and look him in theeyes as I realized I couldn’t rely on his understanding anymore; I had to explain it to him, and he deserved to hear it.
“I can’t...begin to explain what tonight means to me,” I said with a deep breath and a shaky smile. I reached across the table, and although I shouldn’t have been surprised, I was relieved and emboldened when he took my hand without thought, squeezing it. “I’ve spent...untold amounts of time thinking about what it would be like to be in this exact situation. To be sitting across from you on a real date, not just one I made up in my head. But one where we both knew we were on a date and I was?—”
I took another breath and made sure that what I was going to say would cover everything as best I could. “Where I felt like I was...on a date. I felt special and wanted, like it wasn’t how we were, but...more. Where you looked at me and saw me. Not just as the Milo you’ve always known, loved, accepted, and fought for, but...I guess maybe like you do now?”
He thought about that for a minute, the corner of his lips quirking. “Like the person I’m watching right now and can’t decide if I want to hold you closer, kiss you, or bend you over the table?”
“Yeah,” I croaked because Jesus Fucking Christ, that waspreciselyhow I’d always wanted him to see me. “I guess people nowadays talk about how they want to be more than a sexual object. I kinda wanted to be a sexual object for you. But also someone that you...yeah, want to hold, and kiss...and fuck stupid.”
“That requires pretending you weren’t stupid before.”
“Ha, ha.”
He chuckled, squeezing my fingers. “I get what you’re trying to say, though. At least, I think I do. I’m coming at this from a different angle than you. This is...different for me too.”
“Well, while I mark it as a point of pride, I am the first guy you’ve ever been with.”
“It’s more than that.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s...” he began and looked off into the distance, brow slightly creased as he sorted through his thoughts. “Like you’ve said, it’s different. We’re different. I’m thinking of you as the Milo I know, but I'm also treating you like a Milo I don’t know very well. Because...both are true, aren’t they? I know you, I know you better than you know yourself at times, but now there’s new things about you that I never knew before. Hell, things I never thought much about, but now I can’t help thinking about those things...wondering about those things.”
“What things?” I asked because I had to. It was supposed to be our first date, but treating it like an actual first date was just stupid. We knew each other too well and understood too much to treat each other like strangers. No, we needed to treat each other like...like we weren’t strangers, but we were still learning something new, because that was exactly what was happening. If there was something we didn’t know about the other, especially with how things had changed, it was time to find those things out and see how it settled in with what we already knew.
“I don’t...think anything like this would have happened with just anyone. Any other guy,” he said, his fingers gently threading between mine. “It couldn’t have happened with anyone but you, I think. But at the same time, it was probably never going to happen before because it never crossed my mind that I could be into any guy, especially you.”
“Gonna tryreal hardnot to get hurt by that.”
“Because you’re you, and I’m me, and we’re us. I don’t know, maybe I’m right, and some part of me has always thought of you that way, even though that voice, those feelings, were always drowned out and buried. Maybe that’s why I always considered you my stepbrother, and never my brother. Maybe that’s why you were always my closest friend before anything else. Maybethat’s why I avoided learning anything sexual about you. Like I learned things, and I think it was impossible for us not to learn that kind of stuff about one another over the years, with how much we shared, with how much of each other’s lives we got to see. Or maybe I’m reading too much into it, but...I don’t think I am. I think I’m close to the truth, but at the same time, I’ll never actually get the whole truth. Because maybe there was a part of me that knew I was into you in the same way you were into me, but only you. But what does that mean? Can a person be gay for one person, or are my feelings for you like...a gateway to being into other guys? But should I say that or even think about that? What if that makes you think I might want other guys?”
“So long as you want me the whole time, I don’t care if you want other guys...or girls, for that matter,” I said quickly.
