Page 11 of A Smart Girl's Guide to Second Chances
‘Firstly, you’re the worst liar on the planet,’ Lily said. ‘And secondly, even if you were Meryl Streep, I don’t think you’d be able to hide the... energy between you two.’
‘The energy is currently manifesting in the form of disdain from him and enmity from me,’ I said.
‘Yeah, well that’s thermodynamics: energy never disappears, it always has to become something else,’ she said. ‘And you guys have always... sparked.’
From the moment we’d met there’d been a zing between us, an instant attraction, even if I hadn’t known exactly what it was then.
‘Why do I feel so... on edge?’ I asked. ‘I never get like this. I never get overly emotional about anything. It’s one of the things I like most about myself.’
‘I don’t know how not to be an emotional train wreck,’ Lily said. ‘Every week I have Meat-free Mondays followed by Existential Tuesdays.’
I laughed for the first time since seeing Alex and felt a welcome release of tension.
‘Maybe the issue is that you never let yourself think about him after you guys ended... at all,’ Lily said. ‘You shut away the whole thing, so it’s been lurking at the back of your brain’s emotional filing cabinet, unresolved, all this time.’
‘Yeah, well, I didn’t think I’d ever have to see him again. Let alone work with him,’ I said, my voice now an octave higher than usual.
‘Becs, you’ve been under a lot of pressure lately,’ Lily said in the voice she used to soothe her son, Arlo.
‘I know,’ I relented. ‘I feel like I normally know how to handle pressure and not let it get to me. But lately I can feel the anxiety inside me just... growing. I mean, Mum keeps banging on about our wedding being cursed. She thinks that I’ll be the next victim of our weird family legacy, that Matt and I will break up and then I’ll get carried away and marry someone all wrong for me,’ I said. ‘We’re ignoring her, obviously. But then Alex turns up out of the blue...’
There was silence on the other end of the phone. Lily skewed woo-woo. She believed in astrology and tarot, so I was pretty sure that she believed in curses too.
‘Do you think itisout of the blue?’ Lily finally asked, carefully. ‘Itisa bit weird that your ex-boyfriend has turned up in your city and is working on the same project at the same company as you. Do you think there’s any chance he’s here because of you? Like, he’s doing a nerdy version of Ryan Gosling inThe Notebook?’
‘No. The company he’s working for is pretty mega,’ I replied firmly. ‘And even if I was being Notebooked, I’d know what to do. Rachel McAdams was crazy to pick Ryan. It makes no sense: why would she pick the angry, pushy, moody option when she could have lovely, loves her, stable James Marsden? It’s a ridiculous ending.’
There was a squeal from Lily’s end of the phone then Arlo’s incredibly squeezable face popped up on the screen.
‘Ahh... my favourite almost-one year old!’ I cooed down the phone.
‘He-wo!’ Arlo babbled down the phone as he waved, almost taking down one of the many framed canvases that covered every bit of wall space in Lily’s house.
‘He’s a genius,’ I said.
‘My parents have already labelled him gifted,’ Lily said, with more than a hint of darkness in her voice.
‘We can undo that! Lots of screen time and processed food,’ I said. ‘I’m personally convinced enoughPeppa Pigcan lower any IQ.’
The Uber pulled up in front of my brother’s house.
‘Shit, I’m here,’ I said. ‘How am I meant to deal with my family right now when I’m feeling so... rattled?’
‘Tell them you have a sudden raging case of gastro?’
‘Matt’s already here, I can’t feed him to the wolves,’ I said. ‘And I made the cake.’
‘Valium?’ she brainstormed aloud.
‘The drinks trolley went around at work. The combination of anxiety meds, alcohol and my brain chemistry isn’t famously a good one.’
‘Keep drinking!’ Lily said firmly. ‘And Becs, I know you’ll want to repress all thoughts of Alex... but maybe it’s healthier to walk down memory lane and actually metabolise what happened nine years ago. Maybe if you remember how obsessed you were with him, it will be the antidote to not thinking about him at all.’
Chapter 6
THEN
Three days after meeting the guy on the roof, I found myself eating dinner in the hall of University College while Lily was in a tute. I pretended to study the portraits that covered the wood-panelled walls as I slowly picked at my food.
