Page 32 of A Smart Girl's Guide to Second Chances
How had I missed this? Of course this was his family’s dynamic. His twin sisters were Matt’s dad’s doppelgangers – all sharp features, accounting degrees and not a hint of a sense of humour. (They never missed a mistake on a bill in a restaurant, but wouldn’t recognise sarcasm if it hit them in their faces.) Whereas Matt, all softness (with the exception of his body) and charm, was their antithesis. I guess I’d just assumed that Matt knew that he’d won the genetic lottery. But my perspective was that of an outsider. I could see that from the inside, it had felt like he’d been sidelined his whole life.
He finally turned to look at me, his eyes wide and apologetic. I wrapped my arms around him, wishing I could absorb his pain. Our hug felt like home. Finally, we pulled away from each other, but I reached for his hands, not wanting any distance between us. This space felt important – a place to say the vulnerable things that we were afraid weren’t likeable, safe in the knowledge that we’d love each other anyway.
‘You are the best person I know. You’re funny and you don’t take yourself too seriously. But you’re not a clown, Matt. Or a joke,’ I said. ‘And your sisters got themed names. So, I think that just might be a your-parent thing.’
‘Thanks,’ he said, his face relaxing, the golden specks in his eyes glinting again. ‘Haven’t we spoken about this before?’
‘No,’ I said, shaking my head.
Matt took a deep breath, gathering unspoken thoughts. ‘I’d always felt like everything I’d got in life was because I was easy to have around, that I could get on with people. And I was just happy to go with the flow. I sort of stumbled into my major and then fell into my first job,’ he said. ‘Then, on one of ourfirst dates, I mentioned that I thought I might like to do a more challenging job one day. And the next time we met up you brought along a list of jobs you thought I might enjoy – ones you’d come across on your cases. And another list of people I might want to have coffees with to find out more.’
‘I think most people would have run screaming from the girl who turned up to a date with a career-focused list,’ I said.
He smiled but not broadly enough to disguise that this conversation was simultaneously uncomfortable and cathartic for him.
‘And of course I wanted to help,’ I added. ‘It was nothing.Youwere the one to follow through on everything.’ Matt had done the real work of networking and hustling to get his current job, which he was brilliant at.
‘It wasn’t nothing. You inspired me to... take the steering wheel of my own life,’ he said. ‘It was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for me.’
‘I guess I’ll return that red lingerie set,’ I said in a teasing voice with what I hoped was a coy smile.
‘Please never return that red lingerie set,’ Matt said, with one of his deep laughs that made me melt.
‘You know that if there’s anything you want to do, I’ll do everything I can to help you make it happen,’ I said, wanting to make sure that he knew that I meant it.
‘I know,’ he said. ‘I’ve always known that. And I’ll always do the same. We’re a team.’
I swallowed hard. ‘I’m really sorry I didn’t give you the heads-up about Alex that first time I ran into him,’ I said. ‘That was a bad judgement call. The promotion had just been put on the table and I think I... short-circuited or something.’
‘You want it, right?’ Matt asked.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Do you want to be a principal at Stern?’
‘I mean, yeah. Of course.’
‘Why?’ He looked surprised that he’d asked this question.
‘Umm... You know, I really like my job. It feels...’ I searched for the right word.
‘Safe?’ he offered up in a neutral tone.
I nodded. ‘That and... I just really love Excel.’
Matt laughed.
‘And I do feel like I’m helping people,’ I continued. ‘With this case, when we get the technology into hospitals, it will save a lot of lives.’
Matt turned away for a moment then looked back at me. ‘You didn’t need to get my approval to work with Alex,’ he said. ‘I didn’t need to meet him. Thanks for thinking of me. Of course you can work with whoever you want. Of course you can go after any job you want. Of course I trust you.’
We began to walk again, still holding hands, in no particular direction.
‘Lily told me that the ring that went down the drain yesterday is called a trinity ring because the three pieces of metal represent the present and future and past combined,’ I said. ‘And I think that’s perfect. Because the best part of my life is living in the moment with you. Not the big stuff but the random lunches and meandering walks and the conversations in bed when we’re both too tired to be awake but we keep talking anyway. And I’m so excited for our future together. I know sometimes we’ll want different things but because we believe the same things matter, we’ll always work it out.’
I paused for a moment.
‘But maybe the thing we haven’t talked enough about is the past. Our family stuff. And our exes,’ I said, after a few footsteps of easy silence.
