Page 53 of A Smart Girl's Guide to Second Chances
We were saved by Lily’s appearance at the door, with the birthday boy in her arms.
‘Happy birthday! Congratulations on surviving the year!’ I squealed, knowing that a first birthday was as much a celebration for the parents for making it through a year of the lowest lows and highest highs.
In the kitchen, Lily pulled open the cake box we’d brought and her eyes widened. Matt and I snuck a glance at eachother and smiled. I’d baked a two-tiered Funfetti cake and Matt had decorated it with fondant figurines inspired by the circus-themed mural that Lily had painted on Arlo’s nursery wall in her final trimester.
‘You guys. This is incredible,’ she said, looking touched.
‘Everything looks amazing!’ I enthused. The living room was already beautiful, painted peach and totally covered with framed paintings that Lily had bought online, at small galleries and from artists she met through work. It had been festive to begin with, but she’d leaned into the colour of their house and gone for a retro party vibe – all primary-colour balloons, streamers festooned from brass light fittings and bowls of nostalgic party food. Then I noticed someone from the past, helping himself to a Cheezel – Alex.
‘What’shedoing here?’ I hissed at Lily as soon as Matt went to deliver Aaron a beer.
‘He reached out and asked if he could drop off a present for Arlo. So I invited him,’ Lily replied. I retreated to the corner of the kitchen, out of earshot of the rest of the guests. Lily followed me.
‘So, he heard you mention Arlo’s birthday last weekend, guessed there’d be a party and basically angled for an invite,’ I replied. ‘Jesus. He’s at work. He’s in my bedroom. And now he’s bloody here.’
‘He was in your bedroom?’ Lily asked, raising her eyebrow.
‘Well in a medical capacity,’ I said, my tone tinged with defensiveness. ‘I had a capsicum-based incident and he was keeping an eye on me until Matt got home.’
‘Be careful,’ Lily said, putting her flute of champagne down, her expression serious.
‘What do you mean?’
‘It’s normal to get cold feet before your wedding,’ she said, choosing her words carefully.
‘I haven’t done anything!’ I said, my voice an octave higher than normal.
‘You tracked him down at Parkrun. You invited him to coffee. You had him in your bedroom. I mean, what does Matt think of all this?’ Lily asked. I felt a rush of exasperation shoot through me. Lily was painting a picture of the kind of woman who couldn’t be trusted – the kind who inappropriately slid into DMs or touched an arm for a moment too long.
‘I did those things to try to create boundaries,’ I protested. ‘And he was in my bedroom because I didn’t want to die before my wedding! Or like, ideally, at all.’
‘Okay,’ she said, and held up her hands. ‘I’m just saying that my therapist told me that heaps of people actually end up getting back together with their school or uni boyfriends later in their life.’
‘Really?’
‘It’s a total thing. Which I thought you might be interested to hear in the context of your curse and Alex and whatever.’
‘Wait. Did you speak to your therapist about me?’ I asked.
‘I plead the Fifth!’’
‘Not a thing here,’ I said. ‘You really should have gone to law school.’
She gave me a withering look then sighed. ‘I have a working theory that if there’s anything unresolved in your life,’ she said slowly, ‘planning a wedding will expose it. That a wedding is the event equivalent of that dye that’s injected into your veins so doctors can see if there are any blockages not visible to the naked eye...’
‘An angiogram?’ I clarified.
‘The medical term isn’t important for my theorem. What I’m saying is that... all your family in one room, a weird relationship with money, body anxiety – a wedding will shine agiant spotlight on whatever you’ve spent your life not facing up to.’
‘So, Alex is my... blockage?’ I worked through Lily’s theory out loud. Lily shrugged as she topped up both our drinks.
I was my father’s daughter – I knew via osmosis that an angiogram was a diagnostic test that looked for weaknesses in the heart. Was Lily right? Was that what wedding planning was – something to stress test your heart, to ensure it was strong enough to endure, for better or for worse, life with another person?
‘So, what’s your hang-up about marriage?’ I asked, keen to deflect the conversation away from myself.
‘Maybe there’s a reason Aaron will be my boyfriend forever,’ Lily said with a cheeky laugh.
‘I’m going to talk to Alex,’ I said, feeling resolute. ‘I’m going to find out exactly what he’s doing here.’
