Page 68 of A Smart Girl's Guide to Second Chances
I looked up from my screen. ‘Of course, I can lead the team,’ I replied, meeting Miranda’s stare head on.
Alex had made decisions about the trajectory of his own life and career. It hadn’t been my decision to sell his work to a giant biotech company. He could have retained control of his research. He’d been so blinded by his vision for the work he cared so passionately about that he’d made risky decisions. And in doing so he’d blown up everything he’d spent his adult life working towards.
Unlike Alex, I knew how to look at something dispassionately. I knew how to overrule feelings with thoughts. I knew how to see the wood, and not just the trees.
ATG’s positive impact on the world was monumental – their technology had saved thousands of lives, millions maybe. ATG knew what they wanted the future of their company to look like. They had to make tough decisions sometimes.
‘Okay. Are you happy to tell the team that it’s pens down on the current project, and that we’ll be regrouping for the new case next week?’ Miranda asked.
‘Leave it with me,’ I said in what I hoped was my capable leader voice. ‘And I thought about our conversation the other day. After giving it a lot of thought, I’ve decided that I’m keen to join the banking practice.’
Miranda gave me an approving nod. ‘Talk me through your decision-making process,’ she said with an encouraging smile.
‘I like the industry – the regulatory side means it’s always changing.’
‘Good start,’ she said.
‘There’s room in the partnership – particularly for a female partner.’
She nodded again, evidently agreeing.
‘And all the banks’ head offices are based in major cities on the east coast. If Matt needs to move for work, I can make that happen. And if I have kids in the next few years, I don’t particularly want to be flying to the Pilbara every month.’
Miranda smiled as I finished running through my list. ‘Well reasoned. No notes,’ she said.
I sat at my desk triple-checking that I’d filled out the notice shortening application form correctly. I’d planned to scan and email it to Matt that morning so it could be lodged as soon as possible. But as I carefully checked the instructions (because there was no way I was going to miss any details again), I sighed. The form needed a wet ink signature because apparently the registry operated as if technology hadn’t progressed beyond quill and ink.
I came up with a new plan. One of the best perks of consulting was that when work slowed down, or when there was a pause between cases, there really wasn’t anything to do. We called it being ‘on the beach’, and during this time you were pretty much allowed to do whatever you wanted. (Lucas had left the office for a Japanese-spa afternoon, dragging Adrian along with him, about two minutes after I’d told them the news.) It didn’t really make up for the long nights or working on weekends, but it was something.
I searched for flight options. I knew that flying to Sydney to have a form signed was excessive. But I also knew that Matt was a guy who appreciated a gesture. And we’d both been so busy I’d barely seen him over the last few weeks. I missed him so much it was beginning to feel like an ache.
Two hours later, I was on a plane headed north. All I had with me were the clothes I’d worn to work and my laptop bag. It all felt a bit wild. Except, for the first time in weeks, I felt that I could see things clearly. I knew what was important. I knew what I wanted.
Normally I worked on flights. Some of my best thinking had been done at cruising altitudes. But today there was no urgent work that needed to be done. I opened my laptop and created a new document:Rebecca’s Wedding Vows.
The writer’s block was gone. All the thinking I’d done, half snippets of vows that had come to me in emotionally charged moments over the last few weeks, coalesced. The words poured out almost faster than I could type. When the announcement came that we were preparing for landing, I looked up from my screen, dazed and surprised. I’d been in such a state of flow that I hadn’t noticed the entire flight had passed by.
They were finished. I could now tick ‘Write vows!!!’ off the checklist. Why had it taken so long?
For the first time since we’d got engaged, I couldseethe wedding. I could see myself in the dress that was finally the right size and ready for me to pick up, facing Matt looking gorgeous in his tailored deep-navy dinner jacket. Everyone we loved would be there as our witnesses: school friends, uni crew, work colleagues and extended family. I could feel the moment when we’d look into each other’s eyes and forget that anyone was watching us. I could hear the song we’d picked to walk back down the aisle (‘It Had To Be You’), I could smell the pale apricot rose petals being thrown at us. I could even see the phallic-shaped candles on each plate, which we’d decided would be a fun icebreaker.
I quickly scanned the page before we were asked to stow our laptops and tray tables away. I stopped and read the final lineagain –Matt, I’m all in. I promise to love you forever– and grinned.
I arrived at Matt’s Sydney office just before five. I debated whether I should surprise him or not – I didn’t want to make him feel like he needed to finish up his day early. But at the same time, I knew he’d like the romance of it all. I decided I’d go say hi and then assure him that I was happy to wait at his hotel until he was ready.
I stood in the lobby and called him, but he didn’t pick up. I tried his work mobile.
‘Matt’s phone, Jen speaking.’ Matt’s second in charge, whom I’d met at the company’s (surprisingly fun) Christmas party, answered his phone.
‘Oh hi, it’s Rebecca.’
‘Hey! Matt’s calls have been diverted to me,’ she explained.
‘Is he still in meetings?’ I asked.
‘Oh, um no...’ She sounded a bit uncomfortable. Did she think it was unprofessional to disclose her boss’s movements? Even to his fiancée? ‘Matt diverted his calls to me because... he’s on leave.’
Chapter 30
