Page 79 of A Smart Girl's Guide to Second Chances
‘That if you had a consultant on the inside to advocate for your work, you’d reduce the risk of that outcome?’
‘That’s not the reason I asked for you to work on this project,’ he said. Then he looked up and his bright eyes met mine. ‘It wasn’t theonlyreason.’
I smiled. Because, in a way, it was reassuring to know that Alex hadn’t only come back into my life because he’d been harbouring a flame for me all these years. Maybe that was the story he’d told himself. But on some level, he’d sought me out because I was someone who could help further his agenda. Alex had grown up and changed. But some things hadn’t – his work still came first.
‘I’ve only known about ATG’s plans since Monday. Because they knew we had history, I was kept out of the loop before then,’ I said, with a shrug. ‘I should have told you earlier this week.’
Alex took a sip of his steaming coffee as he processed what I’d told him. I knew that part of him would enjoy the feeling of his tongue burning, to validate the emotional pain he was working through.
‘You know that now you’ve told me what they’re going to do, I won’t sign my contract. I’ll go to one of their competitors and I won’t rest until I create something brilliant,’ he said. His tone was flat and his eyes were aflame. What he was saying wasn’t hyperbole. With his brain and work ethic, fuelled by a need to exact revenge, I had no doubt that he could do exactly that. ‘Andthey’re smart enough to know that the information that changed my mind came from you. You’ll be fired.’
‘I know,’ I said. ‘I’m not going to ask you to protect my career. But I am going to ask you to think about yours.’
His eyes narrowed.
‘Your whole life’s work has been in your mum’s memory,’ I explained. ‘But... from what I know about her, from what you’ve told me, she would have only wanted you to have a happy, fulfilling life. I don’t think she would have wanted every part of you to be a shrine to her tragic death.’
Alex’s jaw tightened, and the knuckles of his hands became white as he clenched them tightly around his mug.
‘I think purpose can be incredible,’ I continued. ‘But only when it enhances your life, not when it cannibalises all the other good things in it too.’
I’d never seen him lose his temper before, but for a moment I wondered if he was going to leap up from his chair and storm off. Then he crumpled. For a moment I caught a glimpse of the lost, lonely, grieving boy he’d been. The one who was still inside him. I reached across the table and took one of his hands and held it in mine.
‘I think one of the reasons you enjoyed our summer together is that we spent so much of our time in lectures, learning things. During “Lecture Lottery”, you came alive. I remember watching you talking with undergrads about what they’d been studying and you were always so genuinely fascinated by those conversations. And they blossomed under your attention. Over the last few weeks, I’ve seen how brilliant you are at speaking and teaching – in a world where no one has an attention span, you can hold a room.
‘I think if you spend your life enjoying your work and passing on everything you’ve learned, because of what happened to your mum... well, I think that would be an incredible legacy.’
I paused for a moment, letting him process what I was saying.
‘My instinct is still to go with the devote-every-fibre-of-my-being-to-revenge option,’ he said.
‘You do you. And don’t worry about me,’ I said, taking my hands back.
‘Don’t worry, I won’t,’ he said. And although he’d grinned as he’d spoken, at the end of the day he’d always do what he needed to do.
Alex had given me a ring because he’d wanted me to move to the place he wanted to be for his work. He loved me, but the ring representedhisdreams forhislife. He hadn’t passed Lily’s engagement ring test.
After we’d finished our coffees, as I walked out of the darkness of the covered market and into the sun, I knew that I’d never see Alex Lawson again.
I spent the rest of the weekend letting my family and friends know that the wedding was off, trying and failing to hold back tears. Then on Monday I went to work. Not my work – our team was still on the beach – I went to Lily’s work.
‘Now, I’m here today to beyourconsultant.’
‘You don’t look so well,’ she said, looking concerned. ‘And I can’t afford you.’
‘Firstly, I know,’ I said. I knew my skin looked blotchy and my eyes were raw and red. I hadn’t been able to muster the energy to wash, let alone blow-dry my hair, so it was a knotted tangle of greasy curls, and not the fashionable kind. ‘Apparently, this is what you look like when you’re heartbroken.’
‘Yeah, sometimes,’ Lily looked at me, her eyes dull. She’d still managed to dress in one of her outfits: a linen waistcoat andcargo pants with totally hideous oversized runners. But I could tell that today it was a uniform rather than a form of her creative expression.
‘And secondly, I basically owe you this to thank you for the work you did on our wedding rings.’
‘Which you won’t be using and that you paid for,’ she said.
‘You didn’t charge us enough,’ I said. ‘Pricing is one of the things I’m going to be focusing on today.’
‘Is there a world where I get to say no?’ she asked weakly.
‘No.’
