Page 83 of A Smart Girl's Guide to Second Chances
‘Give it a sec?’ I heard Nick whisper to Stella.
‘Grandpa. She needs her nappy changed,’ Evie said. ‘She’s done a big poopoo. Can’t you smell it? You need to change it.’ She looked like an angel in her flower girl dress but spoke with the commanding bark of an army officer.
‘Do you know where the nappy bag is?’ Dad asked, looking frazzled.
‘Yes, I do,’ Evie said with a dramatic sigh. ‘You’re a bit of a silly-billy, Grandpa. I’ll show you.’
I had thought Mum couldn’t look any happier than she had a few moments earlier, but it turned out she could. She was positively beaming. Alice had just given Mum the best wedding present she could have asked for: Dad was about to change a nappy for the first time in his life.
Belinda stood in front of the floral arch between Mum and Hamish. They were already married, so it wasn’t a legal ceremony, but Belinda looked as though she meant business. I stood in between Stella and Caroline. The three of us wore our own dresses but matching diamond earrings, which Mum had given us at the small family rehearsal dinner.
‘I had them made with the smallest stones from some old engagement rings I had lying around,’ she’d said with a wink in my direction. ‘I thought I’d save the bigger stones for the grandkids so they can have jewellery made one day. They might even want to use them for their engagement rings, maybe...’
‘Today, we are gathered here to celebrate the love of Helena and Hamish,’ Belinda said.
I drifted off as Belinda pointed out the bathrooms and emergency exits and asked us not to take photos. I surveyed the room. Lily sat a few rows from the front, Aaron next to her, trying to keep Arlo – who thought that sitting was a ridiculous thing to do when he’d just learned to run – under control.
I’d emailed all our wedding guests to let them know that a different couple would be celebrated today, and of course theyno longer had to come (along with an effusive apology about the last-minute change of plans). Most had messaged to say they wouldn’t come, but of course Lily had still shown up. Her parents had joined us too.
I’d had a chat with them before the ceremony started.
‘I hear you saved Lily’s business,’ Mrs Li said.
‘No, actually, she saved herself.’
Mrs Li raised an eyebrow.
‘Ask Lily to tell you the story,’ I said. ‘It’s a good one.’
Lily and Aaron had agreed to pivot to an online business. And to shore up their finances, they also decided to sell some of their art. It turned out one of the paintings, which Lily had bought for a hundred dollars after spotting it on the artist’s Instagram account, was now worth a gazillion dollars. The artist had become the darling of tech bros and B-list celebrities. Lily agreed to sell her painting for an eye-watering amount. It was a very Lily thing to happen. But I also wondered, was this just life? You made a plan and then things happened, so you changed your plan. The art form you loved lost you money. But the painting you bought with your eye trained by your master’s degree subsidised it. In any event, I looked forward to hearing from Lily about her parents’ reaction when they found out she’d made more from one painting than Mia made in years of lawyering.
A few rows behind them were Miranda and her husband sitting next to Lucas and Adrian. Lucas, in his usual effervescent style, had texted me:I never met Matt, but I really like you. Also, free drinks!
As Belinda read a poem about love (possibly self-authored given the many cat references) I saw Lucas rest his head on Adrian’s shoulder. I smiled – another summer had passed and another couple had fallen in love.
I tuned back in to the ceremony for the vows.
‘I’ve learned a lot about love in my lifetime,’ Mum began. ‘I’ve learned it can be intoxicating. It can be hopeful. It can be more than you ever hoped...’ She turned to Nick and me and smiled. My heart felt like it might explode.
‘It can be destructive. It can cause pain. It can feel safe and it can feel scary. It can cause joy and togetherness, like today. And love isn’t just romantic love. It’s your love for your kids, your grandkids, your friends, your work...’ She paused, staring deeply into Hamish’s eyes. I could tell the only thing he could see right then was Mum. They were good together, great together. They made each other happy.
I felt like my chest was constricting. I kept smiling because it was Mum’s moment, but I couldn’t hear anything she was saying. It was as if the DJ Matt and I had picked had turned down the volume on the track of Mum’s vows, and flicked it up on another. The only thing I could hear were the vows that I’d written for today, for Matt – all the things I’d felt and never told him.
Nine years ago, I’d attended an academic lecture on love. I’d thought that life was something you could learn rather than experience. I’d believed that love was something dangerous, something that you could break down into concepts, to try to understand, to try to outsmart. As I watched Mum stand in front of a group of people and speak on the topic of love, I knew that love was something you had to feel. The thinking could come, should come, later. But the feeling had to come first.
Once Mum and Hamish were declared husband and wife (again), I threw rose petals and herded groups for photos with the bride and groom.
And then during the inevitable lull that fell between the cocktail hour and the first course, I ordered another Uber. I’d be back for the speeches, before anyone noticed I was missing. But right then, there was someone I needed to see.
Chapter 35
Jane looked a bit shocked to see me standing on her doorstep, and I felt a stab of guilt. This was the day when she was meant to be dressed up in her best raw-silk mother-of-the-groom outfit, surrounded by all her people, graciously accepting compliments about her son and her cake. Instead, she was home in her usual uniform of chinos and a crisp shirt. But she welcomed me warmly.
‘I forgot to cancel our honeymoon,’ I said.
‘You don’t normally forget things,’ she said, raising an eyebrow.
‘I don’t,’ I agreed. ‘I think I didn’t cancel it because I didn’t want to cancel it. I wanted to spend more time with Matt. The rest of our lives, really. Because I think your son is the best person I’ve ever met. He’s thoughtful and funny and caring. He’s a lot like you,’ I said. She smiled and I knew that she’d hear me out.
