Page 30 of A Smart Girl's Guide to Second Chances
I blinked at her. I knew she lived for all things aesthetic: clothes, design, jewellery, makeup. But I’d thought art was an area of academic interest and the rest a form of self-expression.
‘I just... What if I die and I never tried the thing I really wanted to do with my life,’ she said. ‘Do you remember in year eight when we did a unit on sculpture?’
I nodded, though it was a vague, distant memory. I’d made a vase so wonky that Mum hadn’t even been able to pretend to use it.
‘I designed a necklace. And I became obsessed. I learned to solder and use pliers to bend and twist the metal. I made and remade it so many times. I loved every minute of it.
‘And then I stopped being able to make things because I had to sign up for smart-kid subjects: maths and languages and music. I knew that if I did commerce or science, or even undergrad law, I’d be totally miserable, so I fought to study art history. Mum and Dad hated what I’d chosen, but they got around it because I got a scholarship and I told them that it was more prestigious to do law as a grad degree anyway. I thought that studying art might be enough. But being creative adjacent... it doesn’t scratch the itch. I want to do the thing. Make the thing.’
She took a long sip of her wine.
‘There are so many kids here who come from generations of privilege. And their parents are encouraging them to follow their dreams – some of them are even funding it. And I just feel... I’m smarter than them. I might be more talented than them. I know I want it more than them.’ She stopped to take a deep breath. I’d never seen her speak with such fire.
‘And I get why my parents just want me to do something that’s safe and stable and pays a truckload. That’s what they never had. That’s all they wanted for us. But I... There’s something I really want to do with my life. And it’s not drafting legal documents. Or making clever points in a courtroom. It’s my life, right?’
‘Yeah, of course it is,’ I said, wrapping my arms around her. ‘I’m proud of you, Lil.’ It wasn’t the choice I would have made for myself, but I supported her unequivocally. And I knew that even admitting how she felt, let alone doing anything about it, was mammoth. I squeezed her tightly. ‘I’m sure your parents will get their heads around it.’
‘Do you think?’
‘Yeah, of course. It might be a journey, but they love you. And... you’ll just have to marry someone with a fancy job instead.’
Lily laughed.
‘Marry Nick! He’s almost finished his training. Your parents would love a doctor in the family!’
She broke our eye contact for a moment then stepped back from me.
‘Okay, this is probably not the right time, but you’ve given me such a ridiculously perfect segue, I have to tell you something. Promise you won’t get upset.’ She refilled our drinks right to the rims of the glasses.
‘Not a fair precondition,’ I said as my heart thumped. ‘What is it?’
‘Nick and Stella are dating,’ she said. I could see her studying my face for a reaction.
‘Like our Stella?’
‘No, a random Stella you’ve never met,’ she said, deadpan.
‘Wow,’ I said.
‘They’ve been working in the same hospital. Nick recognised his little sister’s friend, all grown up, and was smart enough to ask her out. It’s been over six months. And I think it is pretty serious.’ Lily pre-empted all my questions.
‘Six months!’ I said. ‘They’ve kept it a secret for six months?’
I wanted to be happy for them, if they were happy. But I felt a familiar sensation of the rug of certainty being pulled out from under me, of being totally blindsided by unexpected family news. My brother and one of my best friends were together. And they’d kept it from me.
‘Stella is really sorry about that. But she thought that if it went nowhere then it wasn’t worth making things weird.’
I silently resolved to be nothing but excited and over-the-top supportive when I next Skyped with Stella. I wasn’t sure how I felt about her dating my brother, but I loved both of them.
‘Isn’t he too old for her?’ I asked. Nick was eight years older than me, than Stella.
‘I think we’re at the age when dating a thirty-two year old isn’t a headline anymore,’ Lily said. ‘Dr McBrainy is around the same age, isn’t he?’
Lily hadn’t just done some digging on the Shelley Society. She’d also used her elite research skills to get the lowdown on Alex. He’d been doing his medical training when he won a Rhodes Scholarship to complete his PhD at Oxford. He was about to be double Dr Alex.
‘Yeah... I guess,’ I said, adding up the length of his degrees in my head. I hadn’t thought about his age, or any age gap. It didn’t feel important. I guessed it was the same for Stella – not that I could fully process it yet.
Lily leaned across the window seat at the edge of the room and peered out the window into the quad.
