Page 162 of The King is Dead
Her brows knitted together. “But it didn’t hurt. Not much. And you yelled. And you said I couldn’t go to the horses anymore. And… you were ashamed of me.”
I sucked in a breath, my heart shattering at the insistence in her tone. “No, Izzy—”
“You said it was wrong and no man should want me and…” Then I saw my sister give a little shudder and turn away from me. Like she was ashamed.
Oh fuck.
Oh dear God.
I hadn’t… had I?
I wanted to crawl under a rock and die.
I grabbed for her horse’s rein and pulled it around, stopping both our animals so that they faced each other, chewing their bits, and Istral could look me right in the eye.
“Izzy, I amso sorry.I didn’t explain well at all, did I? I want you to listen to me very carefully. I know things are difficult right now, but can you listen very hard, please?”
Her lower lip trembled and she looked a little bit afraid, but she nodded.
I leaned forward, reaching for her hand, holding it, swallowing back tears. “I’m sorry I didn’t explain back then. I had no idea you were… seeing things this way. I want you to know Ineverheld you responsible for what happened with that man. When I said it was shameful, I meant forhim.He took advantage of you. He knew you didn’t understand what he was doing, and he used that to… to take your body for himself when you didn’t understand. He was wrong. You were not wrong,he was.”
Istral’s eyes swam with tears, but they didn’t spill over. “You think it’s wrong for a man to love me?”
“No!” I gasped. “I think it’s wrong for a man who is… much older in his mind and body touseyou. To trick you. To make youthinkhe loves when he doesn’t. When he’s just… just trying to find his own pleasure, whether it hurts you or not.”
She frowned and looked down. I squeezed her hand and whispered her name so she’d look at me again.
“Istral, I know Gall truly cares for you. I know he isn’t like that man was. They arenotthe same.”
“I know that,” she said, nodding quickly. “But you got angry again and—”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, swallowing the lump in my throat frantically. “I’m sorry I made you think I was angry with you. I wasn’t. I’m not. I’m not even… not really mad at Gall, either. I’m just… I’m just afraid.”
She frowned harder. “Afraid of what?”
“I’m afraid you’ll be hurt in a way that will destroy you, and it will be my fault for not protecting you.”
Her brows rose. “But you don’t have to do all the protecting now, Lani. Gall does that. And he’s very good at it. And I like it. I don’t want him to be apart from me. I feel safe with him.”
I was left speechless at my sister’s simple faith—in me, in Gall, and in herself.
“Does he… does he ever make you feel uncomfortable?” I asked quietly.
She frowned again. “No! I was afraid when I first saw him because he’s so big. But as soon as we talked, I knew he was wonderful. He’s like me, Lani. I’ve never met someone like me before. He makes me feel the same.”
I blinked. “The same? As him?”
“As you,” she said earnestly. “He makes me feel… normal.”
Oh God.
I dropped my head, breathing through the tears that wanted to overwhelm me because I needed to not give her the wrong impression again.
“Izzy… I’m so sorry. I never realized…”
“I know I’m not the same as everyone else,” she said, squirming in her saddle. “I don’t understand why God made me this way. ButGallisthe same as me. And being close to him feels like we’re normal and it’s good.”
I bit my lip, smiling through the threatening tears. “I think… I think it is good. I know Gall is a good man. And if he makes you feel safe… Well, that’s just… that’s wonderful, Iz.”
