Page 29 of The King is Dead
But I also couldn’t live without her.
With a tormented groan, I stepped back up to the window, grasping the inner sill to keep my hands still… but it didn’t matter.
She had already turned and was continuing on her walk, shoulders slumped, head low. And in the bond, she felt… heavy.
I stared down at her, pleading with her to turn. But she didn’t look up again before she passed out of sight.
And then I ached so badly, I walked away from the window.
Anger simmered in my chest. Here I was, heavy with guilt… but I wasnotthe one who had put us in this impossible, painful place.
That wasallon her.
9. Pendulum Swing
~ YILAN ~
The servants and I were in the gardens discussing the Jubilee when I saw him.
I doubted the others were aware of the significance of the tower as we passed into its shadow. But my skin prickled before we even reached it. And although I continued the conversation about how deep we would need to light the paths into the grounds on the night of my birthday, my mind was elsewhere.
And as we walked farther from the palace wall and further into the gardens, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I felt his gaze like nails dragging down my spine and the bond fluttered in my chest. Or maybe that was my heart.
I turned, but all I caught was the shape of him in the window before he jerked out of sight, as if having my eyes on him was offensive.
My heart dropped like a stone.
I had to ask Berne to repeat himself when he questioned if we would be taking drinks outside. The staff were all so attentive, so glad that I was back safely. And because they knew so little of the war except that my mission had been successful, they looked forward to the upcoming events, anticipating both my birthday and a royal wedding.
At one point, Keesa, the designer of all my clothing and the decorations for events, even slyly suggested that perhaps Turo and I should exchange vows at the Jubilee.
Nelson, the younger of my maids, who’d interrupted Turo and I earlier, gasped, and then clapped. “Oh, Majesty, that would bewonderful!”
“I—”
“The Queen has far too many things to think about just now to add a wedding,” Turner, my primary maid, said briskly. I could have kissed her in gratitude for the firm tone that brooked no argument from the others.
I nodded and tried to keep the relief from my face. “Not only that,” I added somberly, “But we are at war. If the people were to hear of a honeymoon at such a time, it may feel as if I did not take the risks seriously.”
“No one would accuse you of that, Ma’am,” Turner said sternly. “And if they do, you send them to me.”
I smiled at my maid and rubbed her arm. “Thank you, Turner.”
She nodded once and we all started walking again, but as I turned away to continue down the path, I didn’t miss the pinch of empathy in her eyes.
Had Turo or one of the others been indiscreet about their concerns? Or was it something else?
I wasn’t sure. But Turner, though always proper and very respectful, was the closest thing I had to a mother now. I found my chest tight with gratitude as we walked along in silence while Nelly and Keesa chattered excitedly about the upcoming celebration.
I hoped they didn’t notice my preoccupation.
I was struggling to find enthusiasm for this event, so had taken to simply agreeing with most of the suggestions the staff made. But I had promised them I’d decide details today to give them several days to get it all in place.
Still, it was almost a relief a couple of hours later when Turo showed up in the middle of a heated debate between Berne and Turner regarding whether the evening should end at the bonfire or in the parlor of the Palace.
When Turo stepped into the garden clearing and caught my eyes, for a second I felt as I used to before I left—when he was a sanctuary. In the year prior to my mission among the Nephilim, he’d become not only a trusted advisor and my betrothed, but the one I could lean on when the duties of the crown were heavy.
He was usually unflappable, even in a crisis, andalwaysconfident in me.
