Page 47 of The King is Dead
“What did he say?”
“He said they had forgotten I was a woman until the night of the feast. And now they would forget again. He meant it as a reassurance.”
“What?Why?”
“Apparently, until that night, they’d seen me as akin to a man. Seeing me in a dress and with my hair down… it weakened me in their eyes.”
“What?! Those insecurepigs!”
She flapped a hand over her shoulder, but she didn’t meet my eyes.
Diadre wore the pinch of masculine disdain far more than she wanted to admit. She’d been told since she was young that she wasn’tfeminineenough, and she had hated it. When we were young we often spoke about the frustration ofcurbingourselves so that we fit among noble society. And yet, among the military men, Diadre was often dismissed astoo much woman.
It was a set of traditions I’d been working on breaking since I came into power, and she loved it. Yet here she was, telling me that these men had respected herlesswhen they saw herpretty?
“In any case,” she continued, “I learned something that day, and I think it will help you.”
I frowned. “But… Melek didn’t have any issue with my strength. He’s never treated me—”
She turned to face me, grabbing the stack of clothing and throwing it at me. I caught it and looked through the set of fighting leathers, along with two of my knife sheaths.
“I’m not talking about the uniform… or maybe I am,” she said quietly, “but the picture of you in his mind. You said he told you he no longer trusts you. What if what he doesn’t trust is the picture he’s had of you?”
“Picture…? I was dirty and—”
“That’s precisely my point. He saw you as an equal—of sorts. You were a soldier and dirty and in the thick of the war. And then he opens his eyes here, in a place he doesn’t recognize, and with a noble woman in front of him he doesn’t recognize either. Not just a noblewoman, but aQueen?”
I stared at the clothing she’d given me. “Clothing won’t change what has happened—”
“No, but it will make him open his eyes and seeyouagain,” she said firmly.
Then it clicked. “I seem like a different person to him now.”
“Exactly. But knowing you, I’d lay money that you were more of yourself there, with him, than you have ever been at Court.”
I swallowed, nodding. “It’s true. I wasn’t… stifling myself.”
“Exactly as I thought. I am the same on a mission. I lose the shackles of etiquette. Thoseboyssaw a true difference in me—but they were too immature to see thatbothsides of my nature are true. Melek, hopefully, is not. Wake him up, Yilan. Remind him that he knows you. Let him measure this bond, not against a strange Queen he’s never met but with the woman he has known and loved.”
There was that sensation again, truth and clarity clicking into place.
“You’re right,” I breathed.
“I think we already established that I usually am,” she said, smiling.
“Thank you, Diadre.” I started towards the bed, my breath growing short with nerves. “And now I need to reward your wisdom by asking a new favor,” I said, tugging off my cloak and pulling the diadem from my hair and tossing them on the bed.
“Anything,” she said, delighted.
“Please help me get this god-awful corset off. And then… could I trouble you to deliver some messages for me? And perhaps help me distract a few guards?”
“You know you can,” she said. I was turned from her so she could help me with the laces at my back, but I heard the smile in her voice. “Go show him, Yilan. Show him that he’s lost nothing. Only gained.”
I blew out a breath as she tugged at the laces. “I’ll try.”
“No,” she said firmly, tugging on the corset laces. “You willshow him.He should be on his knees thanking God for the mate he was given, not brooding in a tower considering severing the bond with her.”
I nodded, but the bottom was falling out of my courage, because I’d just forced him to listen to the pining of another man and screamed at him to humble himself. I doubted he was much in the mood to hear more of what I had to say.
