Page 38 of All My Witches
“That hardly matters,” Sandy said. “He did it. He put his brain in my grandmother’s body. Even though it was necessary to prolong his life, he refused to be responsible for my grandmother’s death. Do you know what thatmeans?”
“That this is a stupid world,” Landonanswered.
Sandy ignored him. “My grandfather kept my grandmother alive, feeding her brain and hiding it in a jar so no one could seeit.”
“How do you feed a brain?” Sam asked. “Does it have a mouth no one knowsabout?”
“It’s a family secret,” Sandy replied. “Six months ago, I was in a car accident. You remember, right, Jericho? You sat vigil by my bedside for five wholeminutes.”
“I’ll take your word for it,” Landon saiddryly.
“I was brain dead, but my grandfather kept it to himself,” Sandy explained. “He had anidea.”
“Oh, this is about to go to a bad horror movie place,” Sam offered. “I’m just warning younow.”
“My grandfather transplanted my grandmother’s brain into my body, and she was finally free to reclaim her life,” Sandyannounced.
“If that’s true, why do you keep referring to them as ‘grandmother’ and ‘grandfather’?” Thistleasked.
“I have to keep up the ruse,” Sandy said. “It’s important that no one everknow.”
“So that explains why you told us,” Landon muttered. “Well, Sandy – or whatever your name is – that’s a lovely story. I’m sorry you’ve been through somuch.”
“And now I’m pregnant,” Sandy said. “How do you expect me to explain carrying your baby to my husband, whose brain is really in my oldbody?”
“I would suggest having a fifth of bourbon on hand when you do it,” Landon replied without hesitation. “Come on, Bay. I can’t listen to this ridiculous crap for one second longer. Infact… .”
He didn’t get a chance to finish, because a hilarious – although I think she was trying to be menacing – figure appeared in thedoorway.
It was Margaret Little. I would recognize her anywhere. Back in Hemlock Cove she was Aunt Tillie’s nemesis. Here it appeared she was going to be Sandy’s grandfather … er, grandmother … er, I wasn’t quite sure which. Ultimately it didn’t matter. I knew we had to listen to that story for a reason, and the reason was standing right in front ofus.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Mrs. Little hissed. She looked demented, as if she’d stepped off a horror movie film reel or something. The only thing she was missing was a neon sign that declared her “batshit crazy” hovering above her head. “We’re not donehere.”
“Oh, I can’t even … .” Landon looked weary as he dropped his forehead into his hand. “Why is thishappening?”
“We really should’ve seen this coming,” Thistle noted. “There was no way we were going to get out of this world without seeing all of Aunt Tillie’s enemies. It’s too much fun for her to use their likenesses when it comes to stuff likethis.”
“I think that means we’re nowhere near being done,” I said. “You just know we’re going to see Aunt Willa and Rosemary before it’s all said anddone.”
“And probably Lila, too,” Clove said. “Still … Mrs. Little makes a fabulous woman with a man’s brain in her body. I think it was inspiredcasting.”
Thistle nodded sagely. “Yes, I’m impressed,too.”
“Stop talking,” Landon snapped. “I don’t want to be in this scene any longer. It’s ridiculous. Brain transplants aren’treal.”
“Oh, they’re real,” Sandy intoned, rubbing her protruding belly. If it was even possible, she looked bigger than she had seconds before. “Our baby will be here soon, Jericho. Prepare yourself to be afather.”
“I’m not watching that,” Landon announced. “It’s not going to happen. If that old bat thinks I’m watchingthis… .”
“You watched me being born once,” I reminded him. “You likedthat.”
“Because it was you and I didn’t focus too hard on your mother’s lady parts in that memory,” Landon shot back. “Seeing you born was magical. Seeing whatever happens here is going to be gross, goofy and too much for me totake.”
He had a point. “Okay. We’ll keepgoing.”
“Oh, you’re not going to keep going,” Mrs. Little announced. “I won’t allow it. I have plans for all ofyou.”
“What kind of plans?” Sam asked. “Are you going to transplant our brains, too? If so, I want to look like George Clooney when you’redone.”
