Page 53 of All My Witches
I thought about casting a spell, but I had no idea what kind of spell could fight off a bear. Ultimately, it didn’t matter, because another figure hurried out of the trees. I recognized this one after two quick blinks. Aunt Tillie wore a red, white and blue sequined evening gown. She also had a headband that looked as if it was lifted from the Statue of Liberty’s head, and a determined look on herface.
“AuntTillie?”
She didn’t bother looking in my direction, instead stepping in front of the bear and doing the one thing no one expected. She lashed out with her hand and slapped the bear across its snout, causing it to rear back and howl as if it had been hit by acar.
“Don’t even think about it,” Aunt Tillie bellowed. “I’m Alexis Kane, and I won’t stand for any nonsense in my story. Don’t you ever forgetthat.”
And just like that, Aunt Tillie scared off a bear with a slap … and we’d discovered a completely new level ofinsanity.
* * *
I’ve givenit a lot of thought and I have a plan for explaining why I was seen hiding outside of Margaret Little’s shop even though I told Terry I was in my greenhouse. I have an evil twin. No. Really. Think about it. It’s perfect. Now I have someone to blame everything on and no one can prove it’s not true because we look exactly the same. It’s genius … and I’m only sorry I didn’t think of itsooner.
– Aunt Tillie promoting the merits of an eviltwin
Thirteen
“Bay!”
Landon didn’t pay the bear any heed as he skirted around the creature’s massive bulk and ran to my side. He didn’t pull me in for a hug, as I expected, instead running his hands over my head, back and shoulders as if he was frantically looking for wounds tobandage.
“Are you okay? Did you get bit? Do I have to kill Aunt Tillie right here andnow?”
I arched an eyebrow as I looked between him and Aunt Tillie. “I’mfine.”
“Well, I’m not fine.” He gave in and pulled me close for a hug. “I’m pretty freaking far fromfine.”
I absently patted his back and glared at Aunt Tillie. “You are in so muchtrouble.”
Aunt Tillie was blasé. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. By the way, I just saved you from abear.”
“A polar bear,” I grumbled, giving the bear – which had seemingly lost interest in attacking – a wide berth as I stood. Landon dusted off my jeans, his hands shaky. “I take it you stole the polar bear fromLost.”
“I am Alexis Kane,” Aunt Tillie intoned. “I don’t steal from anything or anyone. I am anoriginal.”
“You’re … something.” I grabbed Landon’s hands, which were becoming progressively more obsessive as he worked to clean off my clothing. “I’m okay. I can’t die in this world. Aunt Tillie wouldn’t allowthat.”
“I know, but … it was a freakingbear.”
“It was definitely a bear.” Thistle, her fingers linked with Marcus’ trembling digits, approached with a wary look. It seemed I wasn’t the only one who had a nice, albeit stressful, reunion with my significant other. “And you totally stole that fromLost, you oldcrone.”
Aunt Tillie sniffed, disdainful. “If you think I’ll allow you to talk to me in that manner, you have another thinkcoming.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Thistle brushed off the warning with a wave of her hand. “We’re ready to gohome.”
“Yeah, you’ve had your fun,” Clove said, Sam pressed to her back as they appeared to our left. “Send ushome.”
“I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Aunt Tillie supplied. “I’ve never seen you peoplebefore.”
I narrowed my eyes as I licked my lips. The woman standing before us could be Aunt Tillie. It looked like her. Aunt Tillie was known to appropriate her own image at times, though, so it was equally possible this was simply another clone like the ones we’d seen of other acquaintances and loved ones along our endlessjourney.
“Now you listen here … .” Landon grabbed the front of Aunt Tillie’s sequined dress and lifted her a good foot off the ground as he stared into her furious eyes. “We want to go home. You’ve gotten more than enough jollies for one night. Quite frankly, I don’t know why you consider this fun, but you’ve had plenty ofit.
“We’ve been good sports,” he continued. “I’ve been slapped so many times I’ve lost count. I’ve lost my shirt so many times I can’t even remember what I was wearing when we first landed. Enough isenough.”
“You have to send us home,” Clove added, her voice plaintive. “We don’t want to be here anylonger.”
The look Aunt Tillie shot Clove was straight out of a bad movie. “I don’t know you. I’ve never seen you before. I can tell right away you’re a total kvetch, though. Alexis Kane does not sufferkvetches.”
