Page 7 of All My Witches
Aunt Tillie shot Landon a withering look. “She won’t smell like bacon when I’m done with her. I can promise youthat.”
Landon wasn’t about to be deterred. “How about pot roast? That might be fun. Or … wait … we’re snowed in.” His eyes lighted with food delirium. No, honestly, he’s a very food-oriented guy. “Chili. I love the smell of chili. Make her smell like chili and I’ll give you three freebies on your pot field thissummer.”
Despite herself, Aunt Tillie was clearly intrigued by the suggestion. “Define ‘freebie.’”
“I’ll look the other way and not arrest you for illegally growingpot.”
Aunt Tillie snorted. “You have no proof that I’m growing pot. You have a theory, which you can’t back with facts. You’ll have to do a lot better than that if you want me to make her smell likechili.”
“You could split the difference and make her smell like a Coney dog,” Thistle suggested. “If you add onions to the mix, it’s bound to mess thingsup.”
I scorched Thistle with the meanest look in my repertoire. “We’re totally going to throw down once the chocolate martinis start flowing. You’d better prepareyourself.”
“I’m looking forward toit.”
I slid my eyes to Aunt Tillie and found her tilting her head to the side and pursing her lips. She looked pensive, which was never a good thing. “I don’t want to smell like a chilidog.”
“No one asked you.” Aunt Tillie’s gaze was pointed when it snagged with mine. “You’re in big trouble, by the way. You’ve been nothing but a pain in the keister allafternoon.”
“You spent the entire afternoon here?” Landon’s expression was hard to read as he took a seat. “Why didn’t you go to the newspaperoffice?”
“You knowwhy.”
Landon’s lips curved downward. “Do you want me to talk to him? I warned him once about giving you a hard time, but he’s clearly not a fan oflistening.”
If I thought my relationship with Brian Kelly was testy, Landon’s interactions with the man in question had been downright explosive the past few weeks. He was one insult away from punching my former boss in theface.
“Let it go,” I instructed. “It’s only another week. I can make it untilthen.”
Landon didn’t look convinced. “I don’t want you suffering through his moods, Bay. It’s not fair or right. You shouldn’t be afraid to go into your ownoffice.”
“I agree with Landon,” Aunt Tillie said, taking me by surprise. “You’re being a big baby. Suck itup.”
“That’s not exactly what I said,” Landonargued.
“Huh. That’s what I heard.” Aunt Tillie held up her hand to quiet Landon while remaining focused on me. “We’re not done talking about this one whining all day. You totally ruined myafternoon.”
“Then you shouldn’t have said I was worse than Clove when it came to being a kvetch,” I pointed out. “That’s quite possibly the worst thing you’ve ever said tome.”
Thistle snorted. “Not even close. Two weeks ago she said you were the rancid mayonnaise in a whiny sandwich. That’s way worse than being akvetch.”
“She said I was a worse kvetch than Clove,” I clarified. “I mean …Clove!”
“That is bad,” Thistle noted. “Things could beworse.”
“You guys know I’m sitting right here, right?” Clove was furious. “It’s going to be a long night if you keep thisup.”
“It’s going to be a long night regardless,” Aunt Tillie countered. “I was watching my stories. You know I don’t like being interrupted when I’m watching mystories.”
Landon cocked an eyebrow. “Stories?”
“Soap operas,” Thistle supplied. “She loves soap operas. She used to make us watch them with her when we were little – even though they were beyond stupid – and I’m still traumatized by theexperience.”
“Watch it, mouth,” Aunt Tillie warned, her expression serious. “You want to be very careful when you’re talking about mystories.”
Thistle snorted. “You made us watch that one where the guy had a twin brother hidden in his house and no one knew it. For like six straight months I thought we had people hidden in thebasement.”
“Everyone has secret twin brothers and sisters in Pine Valley,” Aunt Tillie argued. “That show is gone, by the way. They’ve canceled almost all my stories. I only have four left and it’s criminal, quite frankly. In fact … .” She turned to Landon. “Instead of arresting poor pot growers you should focus your attention on taking out the people who canceled my soaps. That would be a much better way for you to spend yourtime.”
