Page 91 of Grim and Oro
She has no idea how much I want that.
But the truth comes bubbling to the surface. The truth I’m keeping from her. There are so many lies between us ... too many.
So, I set her down, slowly, even as she protests. As she blinks up at me, again unfulfilled, lips swollen from when I bit them.
“You know what I want,” she says, confused. Hurt, even. “Why won’t you give it to me?”
You have no idea how badly I want to give it to you, I think.
She looks so disappointed, that I have the need to make her a promise. I lean against the wall, caging her in, watching her head tilt back so she can meet my eyes. I feel my arms trembling with barely leashed desire.
“Isla,” I say, feeling her emotions spike at the sound of her name on my lips. “One day soon, I will give it to you. I will give it to you all night, in every way you can think of, because trust me—trust me—I have thought about it enough for the both of us. I am going to give you everything you want, until your voice is hoarse, until it’s hard to walk, until we are both sore and spent.”
She swallows, and I almost do—I almost do all of it right here, out in the open, the way I can feel she wants me to.
Instead, I take her hand and say, “Let’s find the sparks.”
There must be another way.
Over the next few days, I look into every option, every power we have access to. I go to the libraries I haven’t found use for in centuries and pore over the volumes there.
As I enter one such library used for housing rare, early-realm volumes, I nearly run into Astria, who looks shocked to see me. Her arms are laden with a half dozen dusty tomes. She tightens her grip on them as she hurries down the hall. It seems my general is a voracious reader.
I rack my brain for alternate solutions but come up empty. The sword was specifically made to be a safeguard, and without Isla’s flair—without her to unlock it and remove the curse—I can’t banish the dreks.
Only someone from my line can wield the sword; it’s not enough for Isla to simply claim it.
Not unless—
No.
It’s impossible. Only a love bond could save us, but, as much as I care for her, as much as she hasbecomemy heart, the strength needed for her to access my abilities, for me to give them to her ...
It’s more than my cold heart could give.
For once, I hate myself for not feeling. If only I could ... if only I hadn’t hardened myself against emotion so long ago ... if only I was capable of something as rare as love ... perhaps I could save my people and keep her.
So the choice is clear.
Either I and my entire realm die—
Or she does.
My father’s voice is in my mind, always reminding me of my duty, warning me against feeling.
He was right. Feelings are the most dangerous things we rulers could ever fall victim to.
I can’t send thousands of my people to death, I can’t be the end of my line because I’ve lost control of my emotions.
I can’t have Laila’s death go to waste. I can’t have all the pain be for nothing.
So, I don’t call off the plan.
I take a bath that runs cold too quickly. When I’m done, I growl and turn to the mirror, forcing myself to look at the scar she gave me, the proof that she tried to kill me.
I trace my fingers over the marking, and I know I should feel fury. Disgust.
But all I feel is longing.
