Page 115 of Crown of Light and Ashes
The ground seems to shift beneath my feet. Her journal? The leather-bound book I have kept hidden in my private study for lifetimes of anguish, the last remnant of the woman I loved, the words I have been unable to read since her death, but could not bear to destroy.
"You have stolen from my private study?" My words turn venomous as shadowfire surges upward, engulfing half the room in darkness so complete it seems to devour light itself.
"To protect Nesilhan," Banu replies, unapologetic. "To save her from whatever happened to Isil."
"You know nothing," I repeat, my voice raw with ages of grief and rage. "Nothing about what happened to Isil."
Emir steps forward, having remained silent by the door until now. "My lord, perhaps it would be wise to explain…"
"Explain?" I laugh bitterly, the sound like breaking glass. "Explain ages of grief to this fluttering insect? Explain how Isil's death nearly destroyed me?"
Banu's wings slow, confusion flickering across her face. "What are you saying? That you did not kill her?"
"I did not kill Isil," I snarl, each word like broken glass in my throat, but I reveal nothing more. Dark energy thrashes wildly, responding to emotions I have kept buried for lifetimes. Let the fairy believe what she will - the truth is mine alone to bear.
Banu blinks rapidly, processing this information. "But her journal—"
"Was written by a dying woman whose perception was being increasingly affected by shadow poison," I cut her off, shadowfire surging with renewed violence. "She was confused, paranoid, suffering. Her final words were not reflections of reality."
The temperature in the chamber plummets as my control frays. Ice forms on the windows, spreading in crystalline patterns across the glass. "I did not bring you here to relive my past. Where is Nesilhan?"
Banu's expression shifts, uncertainty replacing defiance. "I do not know exactly. She did not tell me her plans."
"But you helped her leave," I accuse, my patience threadbare. "You knew she was running from me."
The fairy's wings flutter anxiously, confusion evident on her tiny face. "I do not understand. I never told her to leave. We discussed the journal, yes, but I left her sleeping in her chambers. I had no idea she would flee."
I slam my fist into the wall, marble fracturing beneath the impact. "What did you tell her about me? What lies did you feed her?"
"Just what we have found in Isil's journal." Banu's voice grows quieter. "That your shadows became unstable when she told you about the child. That she was afraid. That she did not recognize you anymore."
Cold understanding washes through me. Nesilhan believes I would harm her, believes I am capable of harming a child. The realization burns like acid in my veins.
"Did she say anything?" I press, desperately grasping at straws. "Give any indication where she might go?"
"No." Banu shakes her head. "She was too careful for that. She knew I would tell you if forced."
"What about the boundary villages? The neutral territories? Did she ever mention safe havens?"
"She has spoken once of a shrine near the Great Divide," Banu offers hesitantly. "Said it was where light and shadow first separated, where the boundary is thinnest."
I turn to Emir. "The Twilight Shrine."
He nods grimly. "Four hours' ride, if we push the shadow steeds to their limits."
"Prepare the riders," I command, already moving toward the door. "We leave immediately."
Banu darts in front of me, her tiny form blocking my path with absurd determination. "I am coming with you."
"You have done enough damage," I snarl, darkness surging around her.
"I know fairy magic that might help find her," she insists, holding her ground despite her obvious terror. "And she will trust me more than you right now."
I stare at her for a long moment, weighing her obvious distress against my burning desire to make her suffer for her part in this disaster. Finally, I nod curtly.
"If anything happens to her because of your interference," I tell her quietly, "there will not be a realm in existence where you can hide from me."
The fairy swallows visibly. "Understood."
