Page 29 of Crown of Light and Ashes
The shimmer vanishes, and I make my way back through the gardens, past the guards who seem relieved at my return. I navigate the corridors back to my chambers, my mind racing with questionsabout what could be so urgent that Banu would risk coming this close to the Shadow Court palace.
When I reach my rooms, they are mercifully empty. I check every corner to ensure I'm truly alone, then secure the door with the heavy wooden bar, a precaution I'm grateful exists, even if it can only be operated from within. I need this moment of privacy—this small sanctuary—if only for a short while.
"Banu?" I whisper. "Are you here?"
The air shimmers near the window, and a small glowing figure materializes.
"Well, look at you," she says, fluttering closer with an exaggerated inspection of my light blue gown. "Already dressing the part of Shadow Lady? Next thing I know, you'll be growing tentacles and hissing at sunlight."
Despite everything, a smile tugs at my lips, though it feels fragile after everything I've endured. Banu's barely five feet tall, a fact that irritates her endlessly. Her wild silver-blonde hair changes color with her moods, now streaked with mournful blue despite her teasing tone. Her eyes, larger than human proportion would allow, are the pale lavender of twilight. A subtle shimmer surrounds her—not quite wings, but a faint aura of magical energy that distorts the air when she moves.
"You try refusing their clothes when yours are burned in a magical bonding ceremony," I retort, though my voice lacks its usual strength.
"Hmm, fashion by intimidation. Not their worst crime, but still on the list." Her light dims slightly as she circles me, her expression growing more serious. "All jokes aside, you look like absolute hell, Nesi."
"Thank you. Just what every girl wants to hear."
"You know what I mean." She moves closer, her light pulsing with concern as she reaches out a hand to brush my cheek. "I feltthe disturbance in the boundary magic yesterday—a massive surge of shadow and light intertwining. I tried to come immediately, but the palace wards were too strong. I had to wait for them to settle before I could slip through."
The gentle touch and her explanation break something in me. My carefully constructed walls begin to crumble. "Aslan is dead," I tell her, the words like ash in my mouth. "Kaan killed him. Tore him apart with shadow magic. And now I'm—"
"Bonded to the bastard," Banu finishes, her face grim despite her crude language. "I can see it on you, shadow and light intertwined, pulsing with new magic." She flies around me, examining the invisible threads of the bond with eyes that see beyond the physical. "Sweet merciful moonlight, Nesi. What did they do to you?"
"They didn't tell me anything," I admit, sinking onto the edge of the bed and letting my composure crack slightly. "Not about the bond, not about what it would mean. My father sent me here like a lamb to slaughter."
Banu's light flares angry red. "Typical Light Court nonsense. All that talk of honor and wisdom, and they send their brightest flame into shadow without so much as a warning." She sits beside me on the bed, her features contorted with rage before softening. "But I'm here now. And I'm going to help you figure this out, even if I have to turn the Shadow Boy into a particularly ugly toad to do it."
The absurd image—Kaan with bulging eyes and warty skin—startles a laugh from me, though it sounds hollow. "Can you actually do that?"
"Probably not," she admits with a dismissive wave. "But I'd give it my best shot. The amount of magic it would take would probably turn my hair permanently green, but for you? Worth it."
I shake my head, grateful for her presence despite thecircumstances. "How did you even get in here? The Shadow Court has wards against fae magic."
Banu scoffs, tossing her color-shifting hair over her shoulder. "Please. Those wards were set by amateurs who think all fae are the same. It's like trying to catch a shark with a butterfly net." She flicks her wrist, and a small shower of silver sparks erupts from her fingers. "Besides, I'm not just any fae. I'm me. And I may have... anticipated this situation."
"What do you mean?" I ask, sensing there's more to her sudden appearance.
She looks almost embarrassed, which is rare for Banu. "I've been monitoring the shadow court for months, Nesi. Ever since your father started making those political moves, I had a feeling something like this might happen, so I've been preparing." She reaches into a pouch at her side and produces a tiny vial that glows with silvery-blue light. "Essence of boundroot, mixed with tears of the twilight moth. It will temporarily block the emotional connection of the bond—not completely, but enough to give you privacy in your own mind."
I eye the vial with a mixture of hope and suspicion. "You had this ready?"
"I may be flighty, but I'm not stupid," she says with unusual seriousness. "Blood bonds are ancient magic, and they're dangerous. I've been studying them ever since I sensed the political winds shifting. This potion is the only thing I know that can help—at least temporarily."
"What aren't you telling me, Banu?" I ask, recognizing the look in her eyes.
She sighs dramatically, perching on the edge of my bed. "The potion has... side effects. Because nothing worth having comes without a price tag, obviously." She examines her nails. "The magic works by creating a barrier around your emotional center, but magicalbarriers are never perfect. To block the flow of your feelings to him, it has to redirect that energy somewhere—which means you'll feel his emotions more strongly. Think of it like plugging a drain—the water has to go somewhere."
"I don't care," I say immediately. "Anything is better than him feeling my hatred, my plans."
"There's more," she continues, unusually somber. "Extended use can blur the boundaries between your minds. The potion doesn't just block—it creates a kind of magical feedback loop. After two cycles, you might struggle to distinguish his thoughts from your own. Some who've used it began to adopt the very traits they despised in their bonded. Imagine that—you becoming a mini-Kaan. Delightful prospect."
The warning sends a chill through me, but I push it aside. "Can you make more?"
She nods. "Of course I can… But Nesi—" she approaches, her expression uncharacteristically serious, "—you can only take it this once. After that, the effects become unpredictable. Dangerous. And I don't mean 'oops my hair turned blue' dangerous. I mean, 'who am I and why am I suddenly fond of shadow magic' dangerous."
"So I have thirty days to figure out another solution," I say, calculating quickly. "Or to find a way to kill him that won't kill me, too."
Banu glances nervously at my chamber door. "Speaking of which, we should probably wrap this up before Shadow Boy comes looking for his bride. The longer I stay, the more likely the palace's deeper wards will notice me."
