Page 81 of Crown of Light and Ashes
"I just…I need to understand what this potion does," I say, though even to my own ears, the explanation sounds hollow.
He studies me, suspicion darkening his gaze. "The potion breaks the magical connection," he explains slowly. "It doesn't harm either participant physically. It simply... releases you from each other."
Relief washes through me, followed immediately by confusion at myreaction. Why should I care if Kaan suffers? After everything he’s done, doesn't he deserve pain?
"Take it," Aslan urges, pressing the vial into my hand. "Drink it, and this nightmare ends."
The glass is cool against my palm, the liquid inside shifting with hypnotic patterns. Freedom. An end to the constant pull of Kaan's presence in my mind. An escape from the confusion of feelings I've developed for my enemy.
Yet still I hesitate.
"What's wrong?" Aslan asks, impatience creeping into his voice. "Don't you want to be free of him?"
"I do, but…" I stop, unable to articulate the conflict raging inside me.
"But what?" His voice hardens dangerously. "What possible reason could you have to hesitate?"
I look away, unable to meet his gaze as I struggle with emotions I don't fully understand myself. Something in my expression must betray me because Aslan's face transforms with rage so intense it makes me step back instinctively.
"Love?" he spits the word like poison, a bitter laugh escaping him. "You love the monster who murdered me? Who helped kill your mother? Who has slaughtered countless innocents?"
"It's not that simple," I say, desperation creeping into my voice. "The bond changes things. It makes me feel…"
"It makes you feel nothing!" he roars, knocking the vial from my hand. It rolls across the floor, coming to rest against the wall. "That's the magic talking! It's not real!"
"How would you know what's real?" I challenge, anger rising to meet his. "You haven't felt it. You don't understand what it's like to have someone else's emotions mingling with yours, to sense their thoughts, their desires."
"I understand betrayal," he counters, stepping closer. "I understand watching the woman I died for spreading her legs for my murderer."
His words slam into me like physical blows, each one finding the tender places where my guilt lives. "That's not fair," I whisper.
"Fair?" he laughs bitterly. "Was it fair when Kaan's shadows tore me apart while you watched? Is it fair when I wake up trapped in another man's body, forced to watch you surrender to him over and over?"
A flicker of movement catches my eye—a flash of silver at the window. Banu hovers outside, her tiny face contorted with panicas she beats silently against an invisible barrier. Her mouth moves frantically, but no sound penetrates the cottage walls.
"She can't help you," Aslan says, following my gaze. "The barrier isn't just magical, it's iron-laced, woven with the one element that drains fairy power. Each time she strikes it, it weakens her further, but she keeps trying anyway."
There's something wrong with his voice now, his eyes flicker between amber and a darker, flat black, as if two souls are fighting for control of one body.
"Aslan, please," I say, trying to keep my voice calm despite the fear building in my chest. "This isn't you. Let me go, and we can figure this out together."
"Together?" he laughs, the sound sharp and unfamiliar. "Like you and Kaan together? Fucking against walls where anyone could see? Did you scream his name like that when I was alive?"
"Stop," I whisper, shame burning through me again.
"I watched you surrender to him," he continues, stalking closer. "I watched you melt for the man who tore me apart. And you want me to let you go back to him?"
Outside, Banu throws herself against the barrier with increasing desperation. The cottage trembles with each impact, dust raining from the ceiling, but the barrier holds.
"You're not yourself," I say, moving around the table to put distance between us. My stomach twists, and every alarm bell goes off in my head. "This is Damir talking, not you."
His expression shifts suddenly, the eyes that stare down at me cycling between Aslan's amber, Damir's dark brown, and something else entirely—a black void that suggests whatever magic brought Aslan back came with a terrible price. "Does it matter? He hates you, too. We all do."
He lunges across the table, faster than I can react in my weakenedstate. His hand closes around my injured arm, fingers digging into the open wound. I cry out as pain lances through me, fresh blood welling between his fingers.
"I love you," he snarls, face inches from mine. "I would have died for you willingly. Instead, I died because of you, and you reward my sacrifice by opening your legs for my murderer."
Terror floods my system, and suddenly the fog in my mind clears slightly—adrenaline burning through whatever drug is in my system. With unexpected strength, he hurls me across the room. I hit the wall hard, my head snapping back against the wooden planks with a sickening crack. Stars explode across my vision as air is forced from my lungs in a painful rush. Before I can recover, he's on me again, his fist connecting with my cheekbone. The impact sends my head sideways, and I taste blood as my teeth cut into my lip.
