Page 60 of Crown of Light and Ashes
"Let me paint you a picture," she offers, shifting to perch on my dressing table with supernatural balance. "You're married to an objectively attractive man—scary as all hell, granted, but those cheekbones? That voice? Those shadows that can reach places most men can only dream of…"
"Banu!"
"...and yet here you are, halfway to completion with no one to finish the job because he shouted another woman's name and stormed off in a huff. I'd be frustrated too."
I throw a hairbrush at her, which she neatly dodges with a tinkling laugh. "You're despicable."
"I'm honest," she corrects, her expression growing unexpectedly gentle. "And honestly, darling, you need to decide what you want here. Are you his enemy, playing a long game? Or are you his wife, trying to build something real? Because this middle ground you're occupying is going to tear you apart."
The truth in her words hits harder than I'd like to admit. I have been caught between roles, between the mission my father gave me and the undeniable pull I feel toward my husband. The blood bond complicates everything, making it impossible to separate my feelings from magical influence.
"He promised me a truth," I say finally, sinking into the chair beside my bed. "One truth in exchange for three of mine."
"And let me guess..." Banu leans forward conspiratorially. "You want to know about mysterious Isil?"
I don't answer, which is enough confirmation.
"Ah, curiosity—the downfall of both cats and assassins."Banu's smile turns wicked, but there's understanding in her ancient eyes. "Well, go on then. Storm his chambers. Demand your truth. See if the evening ends with answers or something significantly more... entertaining."
"I don't want him," I insist, but the words sound hollow even to my own ears. My body's response earlier proved that lie thoroughly.
"Of course you don't," Banu agrees with mock solemnity. "Which is why you should know that Lady Ayla from the Neutral Territories arrived shortly after your dramatic exit and is currently seeking a private audience with your husband."
The words hit me like ice water, stealing my breath. "What?"
"Tall, curvy, looks at Shadow Boy like he's a particularly delicious dessert she can't wait to sample?" Banu fans herself theatrically. "She arrived with some diplomatic pretext, but her intentions were about as subtle as an avalanche."
Something hot and possessive coils in my stomach, making my light magic flicker dangerously. I recognize the emotion now, jealousy, pure and simple. The lies I've been telling myself crumble in the face of this raw, possessive fury. I can't pretend anymore—somewhere between our wedding night and this moment, he has become mine to lose.
"Why should I care?" I ask, though my voice lacks conviction.
"You shouldn't," Banu agrees readily. "After all, you don't want him, right?"
"Right," I say automatically, the lie bitter on my tongue.
"So, it won't bother you that she's likely working very hard to secure some... private time with him? Or that she keeps 'accidentally' finding reasons to touch him in a way that's about as accidental as an assassination plot?"
The image of another woman touching my husband, because that's what he is, isn't he, regardless of how this marriage came tobe—makes something primal and violent rise within me. My hands clench into fists, light magic sparking between my fingers with more intensity than before.
"Not at all," I manage through gritted teeth.
"Excellent!" Banu claps her hands together with false enthusiasm. "Then you won't mind waiting until tomorrow to ask for your truth. I'm sure they'll be quite...occupied... tonight."
The thought of Kaan with another woman—his hands on her skin, his mouth at her throat, his shadows wrapping around her body the way they wrapped around mine, makes my vision blur with rage. I want to find this Lady Ayla and show her exactly what happens to women who touch what belongs to me.
The possessive thought stops me cold. When did I start thinking of Kaan as mine?
"Where might I find them?" I demand, rising from my chair with sudden purpose.
Banu's grin widens triumphantly. "Last I heard, she was requesting a tour of the Shadow Observatory. She seemed very keen to get Shadow Boy alone in that particular location. All those dark corners and private alcoves..."
I'm moving before I fully realize it, striding toward the door with my jaw set in determination. Whatever game I've been playing with myself, whatever denials I've been clinging to, they end now. Kaan is my husband, bound to me by magic and law. If anyone has a claim on his attention, it's me.
"And where might you be going?" Banu calls after me, laughter coloring her voice.
"To claim what's mine," I answer without thinking, then freeze with my hand on the doorknob. The words echo in my mind, horrifying in their implications.
When did I start thinking of him as mine to claim?
