Page 100 of Crown of Light and Ashes
A future that terrifies me to my core.
The Council meeting passes in a blur of tedious complaints and political maneuvering. I contribute just enough to maintain appearances, but my thoughts remain fixated on Nesilhan. On possibilities, both wonderful and terrible.
I find myself drawn toward the eastern gardens, telling myself it's to check security, to ensure the orphans aren't causing trouble. But the truth—dangerous and unwelcome—is that I'm seeking her.
I hear her laughter before I see her—bright and uninhibited in a way I've rarely witnessed. The sound pulls me forward, through ancient yew hedges and past shadow roses that bloom only at twilight.
And then I see her, seated on the grass surrounded by children.
She's radiant in a gown of deep blue that brings out the gold in her eyes, her dark hair braided with wildflowers. Around her, a dozen orphans from the border villages listen as she tells them a story, her hands moving expressively to illustrate her tale.
"—and then the shadow knight realized that what he thought was his greatest weakness was actually his greatest strength," she's saying, her voice animated.
I remain in the shadows, watching. Something painful and sweet twists in my chest at the sight of her like this—happy, unguarded, surrounded by small faces alight with wonder rather than fear.
I've spent centuries cultivating terror, using it as both weapon and shield. Yet here sits my Light Court bride, painting me as somethingother than a monster to these children. Not lying—she acknowledges my darkness—but framing it as protection rather than mere cruelty.
A small girl with a worn doll clutched to her chest peers up at Nesilhan. "Lord Kaan is scary. Matron says he collects the souls of naughty children."
"Lord Kaan is powerful," Nesilhan corrects gently. "And yes, he can be scary. But he's also the one who makes sure you have food, shelter, and safety."
Her defense affects me more deeply than I care to admit. She sees me, not just the monster, not just the darkness, but whatever fragment of light might still exist beneath centuries of shadow.
I find myself moving forward without a conscious decision, stepping into the clearing. The effect is immediate—the children freeze, several scrambling to their feet in alarm. Only Nesilhan seems unsurprised, as if she knew I was watching all along.
"Lord Kaan," she greets me, her eyes dancing with something suspiciously like delight. "We were just discussing you."
"So I heard," I reply, my gaze sweeping over the terrified children. "Something about eating naughty children, I believe?"
"Join us," Nesilhan says, patting the grass beside her with casual disregard for my fearsome reputation. "The children were hoping you might show them some shadow magic. The non-terrifying kind, if you know any."
The request catches me off guard. Show magic to children? As entertainment rather than a threat? The concept is so foreign, I barely know how to respond.
"Please, Lord Kaan?" the little girl with the doll whispers, her voice barely audible. "Could you make a butterfly? A shadow butterfly?"
Her request, so innocent and hopeful despite her obvious fear, does something strange to my chest—a tightening I can't explain. Ilook at her tiny face, at the way she clutches her doll with white-knuckled intensity, and find myself incapable of refusing.
"Very well," I concede, forcing a scowl to maintain at least the illusion of displeasure. "One shadow butterfly."
With a flick of my wrist, I gather shadows into my palm, shaping them with a precision I rarely bother to employ in battle. The darkness solidifies, then fragments, reforming into the delicate silhouette of a butterfly with intricately patterned wings.
The children gasp as the shadow butterfly lifts from my palm, its wings beating in silent rhythm as it circles above their heads.
"It's beautiful," a silver-haired girl breathes, her earlier fear forgotten.
Beautiful. Not a word often associated with shadow magic. Few have ever noticed the artistry possible within darkness.
Nesilhan watches me rather than the display, her golden eyes soft with an emotion I dare not name. Through our bond, I feel her pleasure, her pride, her... affection? The realization sends a jolt through me so powerful that the shadow butterfly momentarily falters in its flight.
Before I can recover, a flash of silver light announces the arrival of her fairy companion. Banu materializes beside the children, who shriek with delight rather than fear at her appearance.
"A fairy!" the little girl with the doll exclaims, clapping her hands.
"Not just any fairy," Banu corrects with theatrical dignity, fluttering her wings to create a shower of silver sparkles. "The most magnificent, brilliant, generous fairy to ever grace the Shadow Court with her presence."
"I didn't authorize fairy entertainment," I observe dryly.
"Consider it a package deal," Banu replies cheerfully. "Where Nesilhan goes, I occasionally pop in to liven things up. Your court could use some livening, by the way. Very gloomy aesthetic. Have you considered throw pillows? Perhaps a nice potted plant?"
