Page 42 of Sinner
Warning bells went off in the back of his mind, but West tried to silence them. “Are you mad because things aren’t going to happen between you and Yejun? Is that what this is?”
Beck pinched his brow. “It’s my mistake for being too much of a coward to admit my own feelings. I allowed you to get the wrong idea because it was easier for me that way. Now that it might be too late to come clean, I’m finding myself growing desperate to be honest.”
“Okay…I’m not following.” How’d they even get on this topic?
“I was never interested in Yejun,” Beck confessed.
“Oh.” He frowned. “Then why—”
“I didn’t know how to tell you how I feel about you without risking the friendship.”
Well, shit.
“Um.” West awkwardly fiddled with his fork. “I don’t know what to say.”
He hadn’t seen this coming. All these years, he’d been convinced Beck’s crush on Yejun was real, and now he was being told otherwise? To what end? Honesty? Was this really just about getting something off his chest, or did Beck expect something else to come out of this?
“I’m in love with Nix,” West blurted. It wasn’t the smoothest rejection he’d ever delivered, but having been put on the spot, it was the best he could muster.
“But if you weren’t,” Beck hedged, “If I’d told you how I felt sooner, is there a chance we could have maybe been something more?”
“I’ve only ever thought of you as an older friend.” He could lie, say he didn’t know, leave that door open to help Beck save face but…what for? West knew how he felt about the professor, he always had. “Even if you were waiting for meto graduate so you wouldn’t be breaking any ethics rules, my answer wouldn’t have changed.”
Beck wouldn’t look at him, and the corner of his mouth twitched upward, though it was clear there was no humor in it. “You aren’t even going to pretend to think it over. How very like you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“What if I was willing to share?”
West’s brow furrowed further.
“I understand that your heart is with Nix, but he has two others who feel the same way about him. What if I was willing to be the other lover?”
“Are you…suggesting I take you on as a sidepiece?” West had to have misheard. “What is wrong with you? You’re a Bardin.”
“Sidepiece,” he chuckled dryly. “At least you didn’t call me a mistress. What’s wrong? Am I not good enough to be considered either?”
“No. No, I—” He paused and rubbed at his brow, trying to ease the tension headache forming. “This is just a lot, okay? I didn’t see it coming.”
“So, think about it then.”
“I don’t need to think about it. Beck, I’m not interested in having anyone else.”
“Maybe not right now,” he persisted. “But in another six months? A year? Two? Eventually, you’ll get tired of always having to share Nix. It’ll start feeling like a competition between you and your friends. That’s who you are, West. You won’t be satisfied in the long run, but I’ll still be here. Waiting.”
“Don’t.” He wasn’t even sure what he was telling him not to do.
Did he want him to stop spouting nonsense—because itwasnonsense, it had to be. West was as in this as Lake and Yejun and Nix were—or was he asking him not to wait?
“You’ll need allies,” Beck continued anyway. “Once you’re in the palace, it’ll be more important than ever. I have no interest in my cousin’s rule. The only reason I stayed out of the fight for the throne was for you. With those bridges you had with my father and Demitrious burned, I’m the oldest member on the Order that’s close to you. I’ve garnered enough respect to be taken seriously amongst the other members, even once my father is tried for his crimes. You’ll need me.”
“Are you threatening me?” West went cold.
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Oh, so only you’re able to do that?” He stood and tossed his fork onto his plate. “I can’t listen to this anymore. I’m leaving.”
“West—”
